Viz Handy Hints - Submitted by Isla.... Don't blame me
Viz Top Tips
BANGING two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching.
DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your identity stolen. Simply place a few dog poos in the bin bags along with your old bank statements.
MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.
GAMBLERS. For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself by Royal Mail.
BLIND PEOPLE Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by not wearing heavy dark glasses all the time.
DRIVERS. If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.
DEPRESSED people Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help', simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
MOTORISTS Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
JEREMY Beadle When selling DVDs on your TV advert, hold the disks in your bigger hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks
SINGLE men Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
EMPLOYEES - Have all your poos at work. Not only will you save money on toilet paper, but you'll also be getting paid for it.
SCROOGES - Save money at Christmas by returning last year's cards to the sender, with the simple inscription "Same to you".
ADVENTUROUS LOVERS - Sprinkle talcum powder on each other's bottoms, then lie on the floor and break wind up in the air to send each other sexy 'bum-smoke signals' across the bedroom.
posted by Freddy @ Monday, September 19, 2005
Comments: 1
