Solution to Monday's Spooky Quizler
The Spirit lies behind door D.The reason for this is very very simple.If the spirit was behind Door A then statements B and D would be trueIf the spirit was behind Door B then statements A and D would be true.If the spirit was behind Door C then Statements A, C and D would be true.Therefore it's Door D meaning all statements are false except BTold you it was simple. Boo!!! Scared you....
Weird websites
This is a list of genuine websites which Freds think you should visit if you have a moment. Their names don't always lead you to what you might think.
Firstly there is "Who Represents", a database for agencies to the rich and famous. Either that or it's a gift site for the special hired ladies in your life...
http://www.whorepresents.comSecond is the "Experts Exchange", a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views:
http://www.expertsexchange.comLooking for a pen? Look no further than "Pen Island":
http://www.penisland.netNeed a therapist? Try:
http://www.therapistfinder.comAnd there is an Italian Power company:
http://www.powergenitalia.comFinally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New South
Wales: Eeee Heeee!
http://www.molestationnursery.com/
Monday's Spooky Quiz
You are an expert on paranormal activity and have been hired to locate a spirit haunting an old resort hotel. Strong signs indicate that the spirit lies behind one of four doors. The inscriptions on each door read as follows:
Door A: It's behind B or C
Door B: It's behind A or D
Door C: It's in here
Door D: It's not in here
Your psychic powers have told you three of the inscriptions are false, and one is true. Behind which door will you find the spirit?Answers to mark.mcguire@btinternet.com then add a comment "I'm in" so I know what time you answered. I'm not psychic you know....
Poor Philip
The latest casualty for the chop on X-Factor on Saturday night was of course poor wee Phillip from Northern Ireland. Axed for CHICO!!! CHICO??? Now surely that was a ridiculous situation. I realy thought Philip was fantastic on Saturday night and Chico on the other hand was poor. Why does he sing with a mexican accent yet speak with a fairly flawless english accent??? Does he suffer from a rare form of NICAS affecting Italians??
Also Simon PROMISED he would judge "Based on performance" and then on announcing his decision said he was judging it "Purely on what I think the public wants me to do" - This man needs taken out. I know there are loads of people out there who think that the man is always right - HE ISN'T!!! He is a supercilious nit wit who dances between public opinion and his own half baked views. I mean come on - the Conway sisters should be a gift of a group and in my opinion he hasn't picked a correct song for them yet!! Total Eclipse of the Heart??? A solo Bonnie Tyler song for a four piece group?? Also dispense with all this Trad Irish crap Simon - it's all been done to death - it's was great while it lasted but it's over now. The Corrs last album (Trad Irish)flopped miserably and even the mighty Westlife seem to be on the wane.
It was obvious that Sharon had given so much more thought to her songs this week. Andy had learned from Simon's "honest remarks" in week two and gave another inspiring performance. And Brenda has also become a superb singer. Chico.... well that's another story. Oh and did anyone else think Kate Thornton looked like a Giant Quality Street in that outfit?
As for Louis, his introductions are just getting worse and worse. It seemed to me that every act had "got it" when being introduced by Louis. I'm waiting for him to tell us some week that one of his acts has "forgotten it"... I'm starting to look forward to Louis turning to camera - it's one of the most unnerving aspects of this show...
Anyway the votes have now been cleared down again and you can vote again based on this weeks performances.. Off you go...
Just to remind you - here's what they sang this week...
Phillip: Johhny B Goode - Chuck Berry
Brenda: Midnight Train to Georgia - Gladys Knight & The Pips
Shayne: Summer of 69 - Bryan Adams
Chico: Living La Vida Loca - Ricky Martin
The Conway Sisters: Total Eclipse of The Heart - Bonnie Tyler
Chenai: Hero - Mariah Carey
Andy: Unforgettable - Nat King Cole
Journey South: Angel of Harlem - U2
Nicholas: Let's Stay Together - Al Green
Maria: Piece of My Heart - Erma FranklinLabels: Northern Ireland, X Factor
If you want to see a really cool illusion sent in by Jonny Diageo - please follow
Friday's answer
Badgers rarely eat any more: the initial letters of the words spell Bream, a fish. The other sentences all spell birds.
Today's Top Tip
DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your horn and wave your arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on their way.Do you have a top tip?? Please feel free to e-mail me your top tip HERE
Jade Goody Update
In a feature for the latest 'Reveal' magazine, edition of 29/10/05, Jade examines various weight-loss techniques that do not involve dieting.
As well as wearing magic pants & having a full body-wrap, Jade enjoyed her first colonic irrigation treatment.
Jade: 'I was a bit nervous at first, but was quickly put at ease. After the tube was put in place, I just had to lie on a table & relax. If you want, there's a mirror so you can see what's coming out, but I didn't fancy a peek.
The hardest part is to feel relaxed & not self-conscious, but once you do that, it's fine ...
As soon as the treatment was over, I felt better. It can release trapped gas, which makes your tummy go down.'
The procedure was a success for Jade who instantly lost one and a half inches from her waist & over a pound in weight.
As a result of undertaking all 3 procedures jade is a lovely size 12, once again.
At Fred and Fred's, we think it's marvellous that Jade goes through all this agony in the spirit of public information. We could never hear enough of all this and would particularly love to find out more about her "magic pants"
Labels: Jade Goody
Northern Ireland Celebrity Accent Syndrome (NICAS)
I'd like to start a new probe into a grave situation facing us all - I speak of course of Northern Ireland Celebrities with Accent Syndrome..... I may even expand the subject to it's own dedicated website.
The first and original Northern Ireland Celebrity Accent Syndrome sufferer was probably the legendary Gloria Hunniford. Her chirpy agreeable style and delivery was always a joy to listen to - that is for anyone outside the "province" (as these media types insist on calling it)
It's true to say that Gloria was already suffering badly before she even left our shores and the moment she got off the plane in blighty she was fully infected and talking like Camilla Parker Bowles.
Another notable sufferer is "Our Julian" from the UTV - Not a full blown sufferer - now he seems to have a temporary intermittent cure for NICAS and can actually switch from Celebrity (them) to Common (us) practically mid sentence. His legendary "Coronation Street" links are the epitomy of NICAS. The syndrome can be observed during these live broadcasts at it's very worst. It's horrific and disturbing to watch.
In the spirit of research on this subject, I would like any examples of NICAS which you think should be explored by our team. Have you any stories about our NI celebrities and their accents? Also perhaps you have ideas for fund raising activities?? It's time we took action. Lets make the hurting stop.....
Labels: Northern Ireland
Friday's Quizler
Which one of these sentences is the odd one out? David ushered cartooned kittens.
Simon wanted another nail.
Every artistic girl loves Easter.
Badgers rarely eat any more.
Will rabbits eat nettles?
Can rare animals nobble elephants?
Answers to my EMAIL - add a comment saying that you are in me.....
Update from our Alan in Edinburgh
Fred an fred... Long update!
The site is spot on! Its great to catch up on the craic in good ole belfast. Love it! Would be nice to see a weekly update of everyone i.e. whats been happening with people, interesting things in choir and ideas for themes for concerts lol.
I spoke to the guy next to me in chamber choir yesterday an found out he was seeeeeuuussans cousin- one of that family from the wedding lol... Was great too see some of the st.g's crew at the drunken edinburgh wkend- jonny!! /drunken nite on monday- andrew an revs!!
Ill be bak in a month or so to sing in all the choirs. Loads of work to do at the mo(essays an composition) Btw, if ANY... any... of you hav compositions you want me to plagiarise, feel free to send them to me! (( Alan Campbell, 107, Block A, Holland House, Pollock Halls, Edinburgh, EH16 5AY ))
Im doing enough work to get by but intend to start putting in some effort soon... honestly lol. Edinburgh night life is just too fuckin good tho!!!! N.b. send me anything cos iv had no post so far.. Oh, and byte- if you dont like what you read, go elsewhere. Yours drunkenly, Alan C
Labels: Alan C
Thursday's answer
There are 980
snail shells in the collection: 490 + 245 + 196 + 49 = 980.
E-mail from Byte - can I have your comments please?
“We are the wind beneath your wings” ??Can this get any more camp? We now have pics of babies, emails about babies, quizzes about ping-pong balls and top-tips of ridiculousness – what has happened to this site? It used to make my day fly in, but now it makes me squirm. Can you redress the balance with some articles about Ian McEwan or other such interesting people?! Have you seen Walkers site recently? Some good stuff on there!!I know you like feedback so maybe you should have a “Points of View” slot on your site.Regards Byte(Byte - I have to assert that every post is a "Points of View Slot" - that's the reason for the word "comments" at the bottom of every post. I provide the subject matter and then off you can simply go "pointing" out your "view")
Today's Top Tip
PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving everything in the house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply move it all back again.Do you have a top tip?? Please feel free to e-mail me your top tip HERE
Simply Red
I meant to tell you all about Simply Red and I never did so here goesAs avid readers of this site will know, on Tuesday afternoon my employer thrust 2 tickets into my hand for Simply Red, playing at the Odyssey on the Tuesday night. Even at this notice I dropped everything as I am actually still stuck in the eighties at heart. (You will know if you too are stuck in a particular time frame if, when you look down the UK Top Twenty album list you see nothing that you actually want to buy or even download for free...)Then later on in the afternoon another two tickets were plonked onto my desk with the words "If you can get rid of those as well that would be great"I literally rang round everyone I thought might be interested and finally came up with Sian from the Orchestra and her boyfriend Paul (Hi Guys). We went through the main doors with all the other MOE's and the lady at the door practically scorned us - "Oh no Sir!! You are supposed to go through the VIP door to the South Suite - out you go!! How dare you try to come through this common door" What I hadn't really realised was that these were private corporate box tickets and that drink and food were included. Out we went feeling important and were directed to a really lavish room with my company's logo plastered all over it complete with well stocked mini bar and finger food enough and petit fours for about 10 people. Mick Hucknall was incredible, he had a fab orchestra and band and he rocked the place - the Odyssey was completely full which doesn't happen that often. Needless to say, the fridge emptied with astonishing ease. As the evening moved on, "Simply Red" slowly eroded into a mere side show with "Bacardi Breezer" becoming the headlining act....
Labels: Odyssey
E-mail from Fi!!
Cheers pet - now I can let Richard see the pics too!
She is gorgeous. I saw her last night and am also very pleased to report that, without hearing too many gorey details, Pam is actually looking fab too.
Oh and I hugged her almost to death for all of us, until you guys get up to the hospital on Friday night or whenever.
Speak to you all, no, see you after November 4 when Richard and I are driving home together - finally!
Good timing, eh? I'd have hated to miss out on all the excitement of us having, as you put it, "our new baby"!!
Love Fi
Did You Know...
The beaver was hunted to extinction for its fur and the pain-relieving properties of its anal gland secretions.
Thursday's Brain Bonker
A snail shell collector decides to divide his snail shell collection between his children. The oldest gets 1/2 of the collection, the next gets 1/4, the next gets 1/5, and the youngest gets the remaining 49 snail shells. How many snail shells are in the collection?Good luck!!!Answers to mark.mcguire@btinternet and a comment on this new comment scheme (which frankly I'm not sure about...)
Fredandfred have had a baby!!
Well Freddyandfreddy haven't actually had a baby but we're claiming her.
Two of our "Life Long" friends, Pamela and David have had their first baby, Erynn. I will give you more information regarding weight etc when I have it but all I know is that Pamela was due in November and had her baby on Tuesday 25th October. In typical mystical style they did not tell us she was even in labour until it was all over and nearly had poor Clair driving off the road - but.... Drumroll please - here are some pictures!!
From everyone in the whole world, Pamela and David, congratulations - Pamela get well soon and David if there is anything we can do to help just ring us, we're now Uncle Mark and Auntie Robert!!!
Please leave your messages for Pamela and David as comments!!
Labels: clair gunning stitt
Wednesday's Answer
From a total of 64 blocks:
a) 0.
b) 8.
c) 24.
d) 24.
e) 8.
Isla's Tip of the Day
If you're bored, flag the emails in your inbox… one yellow, then one red, then one yellow, and so on. Around 9 in total should do it.
Then sit back and admire how much it reminds you of fried eggs sandwiches with ketchup on.
Tuesday's Answer
You fill the bottle up with water and then the ping pong ball floats out gracefully like some graceful ping-pong ball type scenario or situation.
OK Richard??
Today's Top Tip
CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the valuables may be hidden in the glove box or under a seat.
Do you have a top tip?? Please feel free to e-mail me your top tip HERE
Scoreboard
Cumulative Scores - Andrew has 8Pig has 8Walker has 8
Wednesday's Brain Bonker
Last week I painted a one-foot cube block of wood using red paint. Yesterday, I decided to cut this cube into smaller blocks, each 3 inches wide. How many of these smaller cubes had red paint on:
a) 4 of the sides?
b) 3 of the sides?
c) 2 of the sides?
d) 1 of the sides?
e) 0 of the sides?
1 point for each correct answer, THERE ARE 5 answers one for each option from a) right through to e)
Answers strictly to me by E-MAIL and a comment saying "I'm In ....as it were"
Today's Top Tip
DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',simply shout 'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.
Hot off the press
I'm going to see Simply Red in concert tonight at the Odyssey for free at my company's expense in their company box!! Whoopee!!Labels: Odyssey
Tuesday's Brain Bonker
A ping-pong ball fell into a bottle, without lifting, tilting, or touching the bottle in anyway get the ping-pong ball out of the bottle.
Monday's Answer
By this system 5 points are awarded per syllable. Therefore Jennifer has 3 syllables = 15.
Scores -
Andrew has 5
Pig has 4
Walker has 3
So Shayne and Brenda are your favourites so far in our X Factor poll?
What about Andy and his popular start??? And what time is Chico time??? Come on people lets see those votes!!!Labels: X Factor
Today's Top Tip
MOTORISTS: Avoid getting prosecuted for using your phone whilst driving. Simply pop your mobile inside a large shell and the police will think you are listening to the sea.
Mondays Brain Bonker
If Susan is 10, Arabella is 20, and Jim and Neal are both 5, but Richard is 10, how much is Jennifer by the same system?
Labels: Susan
Your results of the X Factor Poll So Far:
So poor 4Tune were eliminated on Saturday night with their (frankly slightly flat) version of "I'll Be There" by the Jackson 5. I was a bit surprised by the result to be honest - I really thought Philip was out on his ear - although I am a big fan even I could see that Simon was right about his pitching. Having said that I did notice that there does not seem to be any sign of floor speakers or earplugs in the studio and I wonder just how difficult it must be to hear yourself in those circumstances for any artist.
Anyway here are your votes for last week. The votes have nowbeen cleared down and you can vote again based on this weeks performances.. Off you go...
Maria (9) 21%
Andy (6) 14%
Brenda (5) 12%
Phillip (5) 12%
Chico (4) 9%
Chenai (4) 9%
4Tune (3) 7%
Shayne (3) 7%
Nicholas (2) 5%
The Conway Sisters (1) 2%
Journey South (1) 2%
Labels: X Factor
Marianne Faithful
Well This weekend I was singing as part of the backing chorus on the stage of the Waterfront Hall for a woman who you may or may not have heard of. Her name is Marianne Faithful and I have to admit that even on the night whilst listening and joining in with her performance, I still knew very little about her. All I knew was that she has this amazing voice. Amazing - not necessarily classically melodic or beautiful but soulful definitely. So I looked her up on the internet and here is what I found - other people who were at the concert may also be very interested in her background - she really has led quite a life...Here goes.No woman from the 1960s lost her youth as thoroughly as Marianne Faithfull. And by youth, I mean her innocence, not her looks. Long after that decade ended, she wrote in a song, "Where did it go to ... my youth?" She answered herself only last year with lyrics that begin, "I drink and I take drugs/I love sex and move around a lot." And no citizen of the '60s drank, took drugs and had sex with Faithfull's public abandon.
She began her career in 1964 singing insipid pop songs, but soon became known to the British public as Mick Jagger's girlfriend. They were inseparable -- she was his Yoko Ono. News photographs showed the pair arriving late at the Royal Opera House to see Rudolf Nureyev or, on another occasion, slinking out of a police station after a drug bust. But the most notorious Marianne Faithfull story -- an apocryphal one, she says -- concerns newspaper reports of Jagger being arrested in a drug raid, caught with his head between Faithfull's legs enjoying a Mars bar.
Yet the woman's '60s past is only colorful clutter. During the 1970s, she evolved a voice that is one of the most remarkable ever recorded: a husky, world-weary moan; a voice that Faithfull admits is the result of every whiskey she has ever drunk, every cigarette she has ever puffed. "My voice is loaded with time, mature like brie cheese," she told me recently.
Faithfull is entitled to such a vox, one of pure European decadence. Her mother was a Viennese baroness, a descendant of Leopold Baron von Sacher-Masoch, author of the masochistic classic "Venus in Furs." On the Faithfull side, her father was a British spy whose own father had invented a sexual device called the Frigidity Machine. In her readable, hard-boiled autobiography, "Faithfull," she reports that her mother didn't enjoy sex -- the baroness married the major only to escape postwar Vienna, Austria. The woman did succumb to wifely obligations, however, which led (as such things will) to the birth of a daughter on Dec. 29, 1946, in Hempstead, England.
Faithfull's father ditched the family when she was just 6. Her mother then raised the girl like "one of her cats." Young Marianne was packed off to a convent, where she converted to Roman Catholicism, an act she later reported "was promoted more by a Walter Pater aestheticism than a veneration for the pope." By age 13, she was acting Shakespeare in local repertory theaters. If her future had turned out differently, she might have become a Shakespearean actor of note. As it happened, however, Faithfull, the 1960s pop singer, would play Ophelia in Tony Richardson's filmed version of "Hamlet." In a different film, "I'll Never Forget What's 'is Name," she would take a bath while Oliver Reed watched. In the end, the bathing scene eclipsed the drowning scene.
But we're jumping ahead. In 1963, the bookish, 17-year-old Faithfull fell in love with an artistic lad named John Dunbar. He owned a swinging London gallery where pop stars like Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones hung out. It was at one of the gallery's parties where the Stones' Rasputin-like manager, Andrew Oldham, first noticed Faithfull. In "Blown Away: The Rolling Stones and the Death of the Sixties," he tells author A.E. Hotchner, "At a time when most chicks were shaking ass and coming on strong, here was this pale, blonde, retiring, chaste teenager looking like the Mona Lisa, except with a great body." Oldham later described her somewhat less elegantly as an "angel with big tits."
Ah, her breasts. How different Faithfull's life would have been if she had been flat-chested. Jagger would never have poured champagne between them to get her attention. The New York Times would never have praised her screen portrayal of Ophelia by observing that her cleavage was "charming." And Oldham wouldn't have turned her into a pop singer.
Who cared whether the girl could actually sing? Oldham arranged for her to record a moody Mick Jagger/Keith Richards composition called "As Tears Go By." In a nondescript voice, Faithfull sang about sitting in a desolate playground at sundown watching children play. She might as well have warbled, "Where did it go to, my youth?" The tune was inappropriately dreary for a teenager, especially one like Faithfull who possessed a goofy, gawky enthusiasm once she got going.
She turned to America's bard for a follow-up single, covering Bob Dylan's "Blowin' in the Wind." Although it bombed, Faithfull had the opportunity to hang out with Dylan at the Savoy Hotel. She reports that he slouched at a typewriter and began pecking a massive poem about her. When he learned she was about to marry, he tried to talk her out of it. His words fell on deaf ears, however. When he couldn't talk her into bed, he reportedly "turned into Rumpelstiltskin" and ripped up the poem.
Faithfull survived Dylan's scorn. In the spring of 1965, just before she married Dunbar, she recorded a third single, "Come Stay With Me." This jaunty bit of harpsichord pap became a bigger hit than "As Tears Go By." Six months later, she gave birth to a son. She promptly foisted off the kid on her mother and returned to being a full-fledged participant in Swinging London.
Her pop career appeared stalled, but Faithfull soon embodied every hip aspect of the 1960s. She dropped acid with the Stones' Brian Jones. She scored a cameo role in
Jean-Luc Godard's "Made in USA." Finally, in December '66, she became Jagger's girlfriend. Before that winter, Jagger had hit on her once or twice at parties, but after he had occasion to see the dumpy flat where the Dunbars lived, he looked anew at this lanky girl with the amazing frame and smile. Faithfull brought out the Lancelot in him. She was too fair to be stuck in such dismal surroundings. Soon Jagger began sleeping with his Guinevere.
The King Arthur metaphor is appropriate because during those years Jagger had a thing for the Arthurian myths. He also apparently had a thing for Galahad --
band mate Richards. Once as Jagger and Faithfull were getting it on (as they said back then) in a room next to Richards' bedroom, Jagger, according to Faithfull, shouted out, "You don't know how much I want to suck Keith's cock!" Faithfull herself had performed intimate acts with Richards, only to be told afterward that she was meant for Jagger. And she was. He wrote "Let's Spend the Night Together," she says in her autobiography, after a bout of relentless sex with Faithfull in a Bristol hotel.
She continued recording unmemorable pop in her unremarkable voice. Then came the Mars bar incident. In February '67, Faithfull was partying with Jagger at Richards' place when bobbies raided the house for drugs. Faithfull was found wrapped in a fur rug -- Venus in furs -- which she promptly dropped to the floor. The girl was naked. Surely the police would have been turned to stone at the sight of Faithfull in full glory if Richards had not chosen that moment to flip on the record player -- suddenly Dylan was intoning, "Everybody must get stoned."
The newspapers reported that Jagger had been caught performing candy bar cunnilingus on Faithfull. "I still don't like that story," Faithfull says to me 33 years later. "I never will find it funny. I went into complete insanity trying to figure out who started the rumor." No Mars bar was found at the scene, but drugs were discovered upstairs. Jagger and Richards were arrested and there was a trial. The "Establishment" wanted to make a lesson of the two and dished out stiff sentences. But those were not Victorian days, and the Glimmer Twins did not do prison time like a pair of
Oscar Wildes -- the verdict was overturned. By the summer, Faithfull says, she and Jagger were "blissfully happy." They were "young, rich, protected, and the world was at our feet." They even sat with the Beatles at Maharishi Mahesh Yogi's feet.
Faithfull later told the Soho News that their "fantasies of taking over the world seemed to be coming true." She strayed from singing and played Irina in Anton Chekhov's "Three Sisters" at the Royal Court Theater. Jagger was feeling so empowered that he toyed with running for Parliament. Their happiness climaxed in 1968 when Faithfull found herself with child -- Jagger's. She was still married to Dunbar, but told newspapers that she was very happy about the baby. She didn't want to marry Jagger, however. "I don't want to be married to him," she told the Daily News. "I don't want to be married at all." Then in November, a day before
John Lennon's then girlfriend, Yoko Ono, had a miscarriage, Faithfull miscarried. The baby girl would have been named Corrina. This was the beginning of Faithfull's fall; she turned to barbiturates and alcohol while Jagger buried himself in work.
In the summer of 1969, the pair were in Sydney, Australia, about to film "Ned Kelly" together, when Jagger awoke in their hotel room and found Faithfull lying beside an empty bottle of Tuinals. She was rushed to the hospital in a coma. Jagger sat by her bedside. Picture him there: Surely the lyrics of Faithfull's first major song played through his mind. She had been trying to transcend her lightweight recording career, and had written "Sister Morphine." She used Milton's "Lycidas" as a model for the structure of the verse, which describes the singer lying in a hospital bed much like the one Faithfull lay in that day, awaiting death.
It was darkly ironic that on that same day, on the other side of the world, Jones was being buried in back of the church where he used to sing as a choirboy. Seven days earlier, he had drowned in Winnie the Pooh's pool. (A.A. Milne was the former owner of Jones' house.) Just a week earlier, Jagger and Faithfull had consulted the "I Ching" about Jones -- and "Death by Water" was the hexagram they arrived at when throwing the coins.
Who would have imagined, even in the psychedelic '60s, that a waterlogged dead man could be responsible for Faithfull's coma? On the night she took the Tuinals, Jones had appeared to her, encouraging her to swallow the pills. She later hypothesized in her autobiography, "Obviously he had woken up dead, not known where he was and decided to call for me!" Faithfull remembered that the two "strolled" through a landscape similar to Albrecht Dürer's engravings of hell until they came to a cliff. Jones jumped off; Faithfull didn't. She then found herself lost in an airport. She'd been out for six days when she awoke, and the first thing she saw was Jagger's face.
The two would stay a couple for a little over a year, but Faithfull continued her plummet from grace while Jagger repressed his Lancelot impulses, becoming more of a superficial fop. He brought Faithfull to a dinner at the Earl of Warwick's place, and the woman was so smacked up she fell face down in her soup.
It was only a matter of time before Jagger began dating Bianca Rose Perez Moreno de Macias, who was probably his doppelgänger. After Faithfull read about the May '71 marriage in the papers, she staggered blind drunk into an Indian restaurant in Chelsea, where she was promptly arrested. Later she told a reporter, "Even if I died or [Mick] died, I still won't get away from him. We can't get away from each other by dying."
Faithfull ran into Jagger a week or so later, and had wordless sex with him in a room above a London head shop. A week after that, the Stones' "Sticky Fingers" album was released. It contained the song "Sister Morphine," and Faithfull wasn't listed in the credits. Her name should have appeared beside another song, "Wild Horses," as well, she contends. When she awoke from her coma in Australia, her first words to Jagger had been, "Wild horses couldn't drag me away." She later admitted to a journalist, "All my traumas and all my unhappiness, Jagger changed into brilliant songs."
It wasn't until the end of the 1970s that Faithful would begin to write her own brilliant songs. First she had to discover the Doors'
Jim Morrison dead in his bathtub. Or did she? In the summer of 1971, she found herself in Paris consorting with Morrison's drug dealer. After Morrison's overdose, it was whispered that she had found the body. "I tried to figure that one out," she tells me. "One of my theories is that people get blonds mixed up -- if Sylvia Miles is at party in New York, she's assumed to be me. I just read a biography about [singer] Nico. I think maybe it was Nico who was in Paris at the same time. It could be -- but we'll never know."
Shortly after that, satanic filmmaker Kenneth Anger filmed Faithfull crawling around an Egyptian graveyard as the sun rose over the pyramids for a scene in his devilish extravaganza "Lucifer Rising" (which also starred Charles Manson's right hand, Robert Beausoleil). Faithful was no stranger to the Dark One. She had given Jagger a Russian novel about Satan that, she says, inspired him to write "Sympathy for the Devil."
The only mid-'70s Faithfull sighting of note occurred when she showed up wearing a nun's habit to sing "I Got You Babe" in
David Bowie's "1984" NBC-TV show. During that time, she pulled together an occasional recording session, but released only a rather lifeless country record. She spent her days living in a Chelsea squat with no electricity or hot water. Her companion was a man whose name was Ben Briefly. Or Ben E. Ficial. Or Ben Dover.
In 1979, Faithfull released her comeback record, "Broken English." The disc was embraced by punks even though it was not a punk album. (Christ! Some of the tracks even had synthesizers!) But punk was the only musical context for Faithfull's new voice. It had transformed into a steely cross between Janis Joplin's and Lotte Lenya's. Plenty of punk girls tried to affect a voice like hers, but Faithfull embodied the voice without affect. She believes the change happened "gradually of course ... I didn't even know it was happening," she told me. "Well, I sort of realized." Pause. "See, I don't hear my voice like other people. I know it's very deep and all that, but I hear it like a beautiful contralto -- a bit rough. I hear it like an instrument."
Then there were the songs Faithfull was singing. The first one was a self-penned ode to German terrorist Ulrike Meinhoff -- a heartfelt choice as it turns out. "Drugs kept me from being a terrorist," she told author Hotchner. "I was going to have to explode out into ... actual acts of violence ... or I was going to have to implode and contain it." The most violent song on "Broken English" was the last, where she snarled lyrics like "Why'd ya let that trash/Getta hold your cock/And smoke all my hash?" It certainly was a far cry from wearing a habit and crooning, "I got you, babe." When Faithfull married Ben "What's His Name" later that year, it's no wonder that
Johnny Rotten was a beaming guest at the ceremony.
For the next five years, Faithfull recorded striking but imperfect rock records containing songs about women who have fallen so far from grace that they wander New York's Times Square with pistols in suitcases. In the mid-'80s, she fell so low that she was holed up at the Hazelden Clinic in Minneapolis to get off dope. There she fell in love with a fellow junkie. In "Faithfull," she writes of their nights of wild sex. She also tells how the poor man leapt out of a 36th-story window after she told him they should temporarily separate.
All the death took a toll on Faithfull. In her own way, she became as obsessed with the dead as the protagonist of Henry James' short story "Altar of Dead." She learned that you can ask the dead for help. "It's not prayer exactly," she explained to me, "and it's not channeling. But you can ask for help." Then she warned, "Be careful! You can't be too promiscuous about it."
In 1986, she asked
Billie Holiday for aid in recording a new kind of record with producer Hal Willner. Faithfull and Willner spent weeks just listening to records, everything from spirituals to torch singer laments. The album they created was not a strident rock record. Instead, she sang against subdued instrumentation provided by Bill Frisell's uncanny jazz guitar, accompanied by
Lou Reed bass player Fernando Saunders elegantly anchoring the beat. In that classy musical setting, Faithfull sang about life lived in a penthouse as well as on the "Boulevard of Broken Dreams." "I've had my share/of love, life and money," she declared on another song. She also recut "As Tears Go By," revealing it as a brilliant elegy to lost youth.
There was one daring, yet terrible moment on the album. She covered Leadbelly's "I Ain't Goin' Down to the Well No More" a cappella. Her voice proved too European to "chameleonize" African-American spirituality. We can be thankful Faithfull moved on to embrace composer Kurt Weill -- the crown prince of European jadedness -- and by the 1990s, she had become the best living interpreter of his work. (
Ute Lemper, so sorry.) On perhaps the most perfect record of her career,
"20th Century Blues," she sang backed only by piano and upright bass. She recorded predictable chestnuts like "Mack the Knife," but even dared to tackle "Falling in Love Again" and out-Dietriched Marlene. Faithfull was now an eternal Venus in furs.
But she still appeared to be publicly weighed down by her '60s past. In 1995, she was encouraged by a publisher to write her autobiography. "They told me, 'It's going to be good for my soul' and all that. I thought, 'Yeah, right.' I wrote it because they gave me a lot of money." During that time she was also offered movie roles. Producers wanted her to play doomed chanteuse Nico (the woman who perhaps discovered Morrison in the tub). Faithfull was also considered to play
Madonna's maid in
"Evita." "The last straw," Faithfull told me, "is I was offered a lot of money to do an ad for Mars bars."
Is it a candy bar that Faithfull will be remembered for in the end? On her most recent album, "Vagabond Ways" (a wonderful state-of-the-art "rock" record aided by the ghosts of
Herman Melville and Marcus Garvey), she sings a wry
Leonard Cohen song that goes, "I was born like this/I had no choice/I was born with the gift of ... a golden voice."
Long after Faithfull is gone, her exhausted yet "golden" voice should be what we remember her for. It's the voice you hear when all the bars have closed, the whores have gone home and you're out of cigarettes. The voice of lost innocence. Or maybe the voice singing at your enemy's funeral.
Marianne Faithfull believes no one listens to this voice anymore. "People only know my name," she says. "They don't know what I do. I'm just a name." Even if that were true -- and it's not -- at least she has a great one. "Yes, I do," she agrees, giving a dry
Cruella De Vil laugh, "although people always thought I made it up."
Labels: New Year, Waterfront
Answer to Friday's Quizler
A: this is the vowels AEIOU intermingled with the reverse UOIEA.
Today's Top Tip
Tip for the owners of McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows
Friday's Quizler
What comes next in this sequence:
A U E O I I O E U
Having a bad day??
BHOPAL, India (Reuters) - Hundreds of people flocked to a village in central India on Thursday to see if an astrologer who forecast his own death would indeed die as predicted.
But the 75-year-old man survived the day.
Kunjilal Malviya, who lives south of the Madhya Pradesh state capital Bhopal, had been meditating in his house after announcing he would die on Thursday between 3 p.m. and 5 p.m (10:30 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. British time).
A police official confirmed the astrologer was fine and quoted his family members as saying the prediction failed because many of those gathered had prayed for him to live.
"We are afraid of his prediction coming true because all his predictions till date have been correct," his son Anirudh said by phone earlier on Thursday.
"My father had predicted the death of my grandfather 15 years ago and it came true exactly like he calculated."
Police have been posted near the house to prevent the astrologer from killing himself, authorities said.
Millions of Indians consult astrologers about their futures as well as marriage and job prospects.
Malviya's prediction is not the first of its type by an Indian astrologer. But in the past, crowds have beaten up astrologers when their predicted demise failed to occur.
A Message from the legend that is Alan Campbell
Hi everyone... Hope your all keeping well. Jus letting you know that ill be home this Monday and Tuesday (my friend from my hall is also coming). Would be really nice to meet up with you all- any of you fancy a few/many drinks somewhere on the Monday night? By the way, my phone is in st. Andrews at the moment (drunken mistake) so my contact with the outside world is via the legendary "fred an freds". Take care and hope to see you ALL soon! Alan C
Labels: Alan C
Today's Top Tip
BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg into boiling water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3 miles, phone your wife and tell her to take the egg out of the pan.
Thursday's Quizler
What are you given at a very early age and always belongs to you, but is used more by others than by yourself?
Answers strictly to me by E-MAIL and a comment saying "I'm In ....as it were"
Announcement from Andrew to Groove members (Self explanatory)
Dear Mark,
Malcolm Neale would like us to take part in his Christmas concert at
Holywood Parish Church on Tuesday 13 December 2005.
The whole programme will involve their Parish choir, Ulster Brass,
possibly Michael McHale (Clandeboye Young Musician of the Year 2004;
ex-Methody pianist who has performed with Barry Douglas) and a
chamber choir.
He would like the chamber choir to do two 15 mins slots, one in each
half, plus a tutti carol in each half.
The possibilities are many. My personal feeling is that it would be
an ideal for Groove, in the 2nd half, to perform the entire Radio
Ulster programme in preparation for the broadcast on Friday 16th.
As to the first half, I would suggest inviting Lynda, Susie and Jenny
("Groove and Friends") to do another 15 mins, possibly recycling
stuff we did at St John's Donegore such as "Have yourself a Merry
Little Xmas" and maybe even "Santa Claus is coming to town" etc. etc.
I wonder whether Philip might be interested in arranging one or two
of his carols for Groove n Friends and Ulster Brass (who consist of
two trumpets, horn, trombone and tuba)...
Fee £50 a head.
It would be good to secure the services of Richard on the lovely
Holywood Parish organ with which he is intimately aquainted...
Come back to me if you have any questions... And direct Philip to me
if he has any questions re Ulster Brass...
Best,
A.
Labels: jenny
Today's Top Tip
SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.
Groove have the recording from Monday night in Hillsborough and it will be online in due course.
However as a sample of what we did, here is the track "Hello" by Lionel Ritchie arranged by our very own Philip Stopford. Hope you like it Lisa - it's specially for you... (You may have to right click the link and "save file" to make it play)
Fred
Labels: Lisa, stopford
Titanic Quarter
As you may have already heard if you live in Belfast and you certainly won't have heard if you live further away, Belfast is about to start work on a project which could seriously change the face of our city. TITANIC QUARTER, which will include a full scale replica model of the Titanic together with a major retail and residential complex costing a forecast £1 billion is commencing construction with immediate effect, and is set to create 20,000 jobs - surely a fabulous announcement for Belfast.Details can be found HERE
Today's "Top Tip"
DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite tune and hum it. If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like and hum that instead.
Labels: photos
Herewith further details of the Radio Ulster Xmas programme:
Sorry to bang on about Groove on FredandFreds all the time but it's the only way I know to put things up for Groove members which won't be seen on the public site.Andrew Orchestra has been in contact with the Radio Ulster Producer who wants to put us on the airwaves and here are the details he has forwarded to me:Date : Friday 16 December 2005
Venue: Studio 1, Broadcasting House
Soundcheck: 17.45 - 18.00
Concert: 19.30 - 22.00 LIVE on Radio Ulster!
Repertoire: 15 mins music total of which not too much Xmassy stuff
Basically the concert is a Christmas-flavoured version of their Friday evening classical music magazine programme, and will probably be presented by either Noel Thompson or John Toal. They would want us to do two slots, one in each half of the concert, with about 7 or 8 minutes music in each half, plus a bit of chat - Noel or John would interview each of the members etc.
We should meet ASAP to sort out programme and start rehearsing!
A.Incidentally I have just checked out with Alan Campbell to see if he is home - I think it would be lovely to have him along as a former member and guest bass. He says he would love to do it and will check the dates that he is home from uni. If he is available he wants us to mail him over the music so he can be note perfect!! Great news Alan we look forward to seing you.
X Factor Poll
I find it fascinating that so far in our poll MARIA is at the top.
Does anyone have any theories as to why this would be cos I'm stumped!!Labels: X Factor
Tuesday's Quizler
What is significant about the order of these numbers: 2 3 6 7 1 9 4 5 8
Answers to mark.mcguire@btinternet.com
Put in a time stamp comment with the words "I'm In" or summat...
Groove Update
As some of you know, Groove had a gig last night in Hillsborough. It went really well - the audience seemed to really enjoy themselves and the venue was full of people. Despite flu symptoms etc amongst two of our 6 singers, we had a great time. Special thanks must go to Carson and Diane for organising the event and Big thanks to David McMullan who literally ran around all night with microphones and stands etc recording the event and even brought us all apple pie and cream on a trolley during our break.It's also worth mentioning that Philip's talkie bits are coming on very well and although he had a dry start with the audience, by the end of the night they were eating apple pie out of his hand... Apparantly.... No in all seriousness it's tough to talk at a crowd and We all really appreciate Philip stepping in to do that - I certainly wouldn't have the balls frankly.
You can now download our publicity leaflet HERE on our website
Scores so Far (Monday)
Alan has 5
Pig has 4
ADMS has 3
Monday's Answer
Philip won, then
Shayne,
Andy,
Brenda and
Chico came last cos he's crap.
Monday's Quizler
The results for
the final five on X Factor came through as follows : Shayne finished before Andy. Chico finished after Philip. Andy finished before Brenda. Chico finished after Shayne. Philip finished before Andy. Shayne finished after Philip. Brenda finished before Chico. Who finished where?
Labels: X Factor
Click this picture to vote for me!!!!
New Web Poll
There is a new "Burning question" up for this week - again X Factor related. You can vote for your top three acts on X Factor on my little site!! Who goes - You decide!! It will be interesting to see if the person that gets the fewest votes from us is the one that goes this week. Oh and no cheating - tick your boxes first BEFORE going in to see who is winning!!
Freddy
Labels: X Factor
Limericksh!!!
There was a young lady called Spears,whose corset on E-bay appears,her titties went droopy,which sent Britney loopy,-she rebought it to salvage her spheres...Alan CampbellThere was a young lady called Spears,whose corset on E-bay appears,there was a commotion,as no magic potion,could rid Spears of gravity fears...Alan CampbellThere was a young lady called Spears,Whose corset on E-bay appears,She thought it was wrong,Ousted it with a thong,Shit!- for me no bejewelled brassieres...Alan CampbellThere was a young lady called Spears
Whose corset on E-bay appears.
It had pushed up her bits
for her two greatest hits
as she conquered all showbiz frontiers.Andrew SmithThere was a young lady called Spears
Whose corset on E-bay appears.
She asked for it back
to cover her crack
and kebab for those swanky premieres.Andrew SmithThere was a young lady called Spears
Whose corset on E-bay appears.
Here teenage dances
Had us all shooting glances
But it has all ended in tears.ByteThere was a young lady called Spears
Whose corset on E-bay appears.Her jewel encrusted brazierOn stage had appearedWhile her tits were up round her ears!Richard WhigThere was a young lady called Spears
Whose corset on E-bay appears.She was once a pop babeBut now I’m afraidShe’s only famous for her Braziers! Richard WhigThere was a young lady called SpearsWhose corset on E-bay appears.She had to remove it When hubby disapproved it Because she promised he could wear her brassieresWalker in Canada
Friday's Answer
A tooth brush, a comb and an umbrella! Well done then...Scores to follow....
Friday's Puzzler
What do you need for brushing your teeth, combing your hair and keeping the rain off?
Answers strictly to me by E-MAIL and a comment saying "I'm In ....as it were"
OK so you are all sick of Groove by now but there is this one issue of the photo shoot which was I think a great experience for us as a group.
I have all the shots - Do you want to see all the shots???
No you don't... Not really?? OK.
Oh you do?? Oh OK then
HERE thay are - all one million of them. Also the Groove Website has had a makeover.
Click here to see it.
To follow is a special song for a special lady - It's OK Walker don't worry - She's quite safe with us (well she's quite safe with me anyway!!!)
Lisa as soon as technology will behave then you will have your song...
Fredandfred
Labels: photos
Thursday's Quizler
John's mother had four children. The first was April, the second was May, the third was June. What was the name of her fourth child?
Answers strictly to me by E-MAIL and a comment saying "I'm In ....as it were"
Oh and the limerick competition does not close until 6 tonight so any later entries can be accepted today if you like.....
FRED XX
Labels: limericks
Big thanks to David McMullan for producing this fantastic image from the Groove photo's taken last week. I will have more to follow later on on Thursday as I will then have the entire album (or portfolio as it may be called in the "trade") but as a taster I think you will agree this looks great!!
Limerick Wednesday
I have limericks from Alan, Richard, Walker and Pig. The standards are of the highest (ahem). Anyone else?? Where is Susan's attempt?? Jonny?? And Byte seems to have vanished without trace!!Labels: limericks
Limerick Wednesday
Today's limerick surrounds the strange story of Britney Spears and her E-bay bra which was mysteriously withdrawn from sale by her because it was possible that it was not actually her bra.
Full story is HERE for your reference. Complete this Limerick then and I will publish them later on - Maximum points for the best ones!!! Good Luck.....
There was a young lady called Spears
Whose corset on E-bay appears.
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah!!!
Labels: limericks
Now
THIS is very funny - Enjoy...
Tuesday's Answer
There are more inches in a mile: there are 63,360 inches in a mile and about 52,000 Sundays in a thousand years.
Bwaaaaa Haaaaa!!!
Points to follow....Oh and does anyone know what day tomorrow is?......
Britney Sbraziers...
Oops! ... It happened again. Britney Spears' jewel-encrusted bra has been removed for a second time from Internet auction site eBay -- this time by the pop singer herself.
The bra was one of dozens of wardrobe items and other personal belongings that Spears put up for bid on eBay to raise money for victims of Hurricane Katrina, and bidding on the bejewelled undergarment had surpassed $60,000 before it
was withdrawn on Saturday, eBay spokesman Hani Durzy said on Monday.
In a message posted on her official Web site, Spears, 23, told fans she was "concerned that some of you might be confusing this bra with something that it's not."
The message says eBay accurately described the bra as having been worn by Spears during a promotion for an HBO concert special, but "it is not the one I wore onstage during the 'Baby One More Time' performance.'"
"I feel the correct thing to do is remove this item from the auction because I don't want any of you to feel misled," she wrote. Spears did not explain how she thought such confusion might have arisen.
Earlier during the auction, an eBay staffer had pulled the bra from the site after deciding that it violated company policy that bars listings for used underwear. But eBay executives later reversed the decision on grounds that the bra was really a piece of entertainment memorabilia, Durzy said.
Spears, who recently became a mother, has sold more than 60 million albums since she shot to fame in the late 1990s with her 1999 debut album "... Baby One More Time" and its hit title track, becoming a worldwide phenomenon at age 15.
With the subsequent albums "Oops! ... I Did It Again" and "Britney," Spears became the first female performer in the history of Billboard magazine to have her first three albums open at No. 1 on the U.S. pop charts.
Labels: photos
For My Freddy (with apologies to everyone else)
Yesterday you asked me something I thought you knew
So I told you with a smile, it's all about you
Then you whispered in my ear and you told me too
Said you make my life worthwhile, it's all about you
And I would answer all your wishes
If you ask me to
But if you deny me one of your kisses
Don't know what I'd do
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles, it's all about you.
So hold me close and say three words like you used to do
Dancing on the kitchen tiles
Yes you make my life worthwhile
So I tell you with a smile
It's all about you....
Tuesday's Quizler
Are there more inches in one mile or Sundays in 1000 years?Answers strictly to me by E-MAIL and a comment saying "I'm In ....as it were"
Phil from X Factor. Just because.
Labels: X Factor
Also (and apologies for all this Groove stuff)
HERE is the suggested set list for Ed's Gig in Hillsborough - have a look over and see if there are any problems.
M X
If anyone is interested there is a "Groove" mock up leaflet available
here - Comments???
Points End Of Monday
The following points were recorded today:
Pig : 5 Points
Richard 4 Points
Everyone Else : 0 Points!!
Tricky wasn't it!!!!!
FREDDY....
Monday's Answer
There are 12
8 squares without a rook.
My Weekend
Well let's start with the great news - Other Fred has been offered a new job which starts on the 31st October working for the Abbey group so we are delighted. Please feel free to leave messages of congrats as he'd love that. He's currently surfing the net at home for the next two weeks with no worries in the world other than what to have for lunch... lucky position to be in.
Also his starting salary is higher than the one he had in the previous job and he got his redundancy on top so he's "quids in!!" (International visitors : Quids In = Financial Gain - not sure if that is a Northern Ireland saying...)
Needless to say we had a wee party on Sat night and were joined by Richard and Susan for celebrations in the best way we know - Chinese in front of telly (X Factor) - marvellous!!!
Sunday was also a lovely day - Me and Mrs Fred watched Phoenix Nights at home and then ate all round us.
I've taken up a part time job in a store in CastleCourt (Belfast City Shopping Centre) and I started that on Sat morning - everyone there seems really nice but I just heard today that I have to go out on a training course for it to Glasgow for one night in two weeks - not sure if I can be bothered with all that... Alan - how far is Glasgow to Edinburgh?? Might pop over to see you...
Philip at the Cathedral has asked me to sing an item on his CD which is called "A Spire of Hope" (or something) - I am to sing "You Raise Me Up". We rehearsed it on Sunday complete with gorgeous flute arrangement and a man came up to us after the rehearsal who had been milling around the Cathedral and he was crying because he said it was his son's favourite song and the son is now in prison.....
OH MY GOD!!!
Labels: Northern Ireland, Susan, X Factor
Monday's Quizler
How many squares, of any size, can you find on this chess board which do not contain a Rook?
Answers strictly to me by E-MAIL and a comment saying "I'm In ....as it were"
Pig at the Cranes
Final scores for last week
Pig Wins - Congrats Pig.Your prize is to win a picture of yourself at the CRANES!!!Pig 20Walker 19
Richard 17Andrew 9.5
Gina 7
Alan in Edinburgh 7Lisa 5
Sandra 3.5
Lisa 3
Download and listen to
THIS....
New Zealand Time
The more observant among you will have noticed that I have put up a clock with New Zealand Time.
The initial and main reason for this is that our friend Lisa who has supported me in so many ways is obviously from New Zealand and so that will help me to always be thinking of time zones.
But my other reason is that I REALLY love the idea of New Zealand Time. New Zealand time is 12 hours AHEAD of UK time, So as I sit here typing this on a Sunday Morning at 9, In New Zealand it is 9 at night. That's right isn't it Lisa?
I like the idea of this because when you have a crap day ahead and you think "Oh Christ, what a terrible day I have ahead of me, I have this meeting with Blah Blah and I don't want to tell her that she is Blah Blah and then I've got to have that arse Blah Blah for lunch, you can look at my clock and think that on New Zealand Time, all these obstacles would be over and you would be free!!!
Does that make ANY sense???
Labels: Lisa
Our photographs were taken today - it was beautifully sunny and we couldn't have asked for better weather.
These are not the actual photo's taken - we have to wait for them to come back from the photographer but
here are some snaps which were taken using my phone today which will give you an idea of the finished product.
Chick with Big Knockers
Futility...
I think it was when the bucket started to melt that Billy realised that that he was going to have a tough time getting the fire out...
Your Votes
You votes for this week's burning question were :
Sharon Osbourne (10)
71%
Simon Cowell (3)
21%
Louis Walsh (1)
7%
