Fred'sNotDead

New Year Collage, as submitted by Freddy

  

Labels: freddy, New Year, pam and david, photos, Robert

posted by Freddy @ Saturday, February 03, 2007 Comments: 0

New Years Photo's approved by Freddy.

Labels: New Year, photos

posted by Freddy @ Saturday, February 03, 2007 Comments: 0

Happy New Year Everyone!!

This is amazing - footage from the fireworks down at the Thames in London for New Year. Don't be tempted to give up - watch the whole thing - it must have been incredible.

© 2006 Fredordead

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Labels: New Year

posted by Freddy @ Monday, January 01, 2007 Comments: 0

Mr Hutton's Christmas

Mr Hutton's Christmas as submitted by Mr Hutton. Mr Hutton is the one on the left beneath the sign promoting Chicken Kiev.

So Mr Hutton, how was your Christmas on a scale of 1 (crap) to 10 (fantastic)?8/10

Where did you eat?
at home.

Who was at your table?
2 friends from England,St.Clair and Philip!

What was the food like? What was it?
Prawn Cocktail/Turkey Crown/Carmelised Ham/Roast Potatoes/Carrots/Brussel Sprouts/Bread Sauce/Cranberry Sauce/Homemade Xmas Steamed Pudding with Bacardi cream mmmm!

Did your family have any "heated" moments?
No heated moments.

What did you get for Christmas as presents?
Printer/Photocopier/Scanner/Fax Machine for my Laptop! A Melisma Music Case, Money (loads of!) Aftershaves, CD's, Beautiful Plate with a Westie on it! Chocolate, Lots of Drink!etc etc

What was your best present and who was it from?
My uncle (and my cousin)bought me the printer a week before he died very suddenly so this present is very precious.

What was the best present you gave someone else?
All my pressies are something I would like for myself!

Did you get any presents from someone that you didn't think of and had to thank them and give them nothing back? Were you embarrassed?
No

Did you watch TV after your Christmas dinner? If so what did you watch?
Vicar of Dibley - I love it!

Did your family play a game? If so what was it?
No

Did you get drunk over Christmas - if so how drunk were you? Any stories about that?
Not really but wait until new years eve I am going to Geoffreys! yippee!

Did you have a romantic Christmas? If so give us the details
No

Finally make one wish for 2007 and share it with us - IT WILL COME TRUE!!! (Honestly!!)
To hold on to the new friends I made in 2006 through Melisma they are dear people! and to have more choir trips and concerts with Melisma! Here's to all of you and may 2007 be your best year ever! xx

Labels: Mr Hutton, New Year

posted by Freddy @ Monday, January 01, 2007 Comments: 0

21 Things you can only say at Christmas...

1. I prefer breasts to legs
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. Smother the butter all over the breasts!
4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst!
5. I've never seen a better spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry; do you still want to eat it?
9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you put it in?
16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.
17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang.
18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had!
19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning
20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more!
21. I do like a good stuffing.

Have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

© 2006 Fredordead

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Labels: New Year

posted by Freddy @ Wednesday, December 20, 2006 Comments: 0

It's all kicking off...

Sorry this is late - I had intended to talk about X factor before now but what with Smithy's party over the weekend I have not had time. But we really need to start getting hyped up about this programme as I believe it really has kicked off big time this year... up until Sat night it was a little stale - and suddenly "BAM" !! It got all exciting... or did it?

Remember before the live X Factor shows started, when there was a lot of talk about everything being completely different on X Factor this year? Well on Saturday night, everything was different. Everything!!!

And by 'everything' we mean that Lionel Richie showed his big smug face for about eight seconds and read out too much information from a card before being silenced by Kate...

Simon Cowell now has his shirt unbuttoned all the way to his belly button. Major, major changes. How are we expected to go back after that?

Robert Allen was first up. Faced with having to try and sell perhaps the most anonymous X Factor contestant in the show's history to an already-overloaded public, what did Sharon Osbourne do? She only stuck Robert Allen on first, where he'd be most likely to be forgotten. And - let's be fair - the world would be a better place if everyone forgot Robert's X Factor performance of All Night Long, which involved him screaming "Let's clap people, then, UH!" and "Woo, if you know it, sing!" like a Butlins redcoat. After the song, Robert Allen flitted backwards and forwards between hyperactive joy and hysterical weeping. Everyone said he was great marvellous super best thing since sliced bread. I'm going to wait and see....

Eton Road - I wish I had Louis Walsh's brain, because I'd love to know what he is now thinking about Eton Road. He didn't want them initially - but because he was conned by some production team with a pre-fab boy band, who had to be disqualified, all of a sudden ETON ROAD are now his great white hope. Eton Road sang My Girl on Saturday's X Factor, but they fell down when each member clearly started to try to out-sing everyone else in the group. Simon Cowell called Eton Road "odd," This means that when the lead singer sings, he takes on a posture like a 1950s cartoon housewife who's seen a mouse in her kitchen. He is fascinating though, and there is no doubt in my mind that ETON ROAD will change immeasurably over the next few weeks as Louis does a major revamp on them. Louis is counting on them now - the two scottish tall glasses of milk are not going to win it for them that's for sure.

Nikitta Angus - You'll know who Nikitta Angus is; she's one of the X Factor contestants with a "back story" - she has a dead Mum. As tragic as that undoubtedly is, mentioning it within seconds of her X Factor video intro did seem like she was over-egging things a little. I know that may offend some people but it is just the first case of "politics" and not the last. They are all seemingly anxious at this stage to sell their emotions as part of the game and it annoys me. More of this subject later. I suppose this is not new. Remember Andy "THE BIN MAN WITH YOUNG CHILDREN" from last year?? Admittedly, during her performance, Nikitta set this issue aside and looked like she was having the time of her life. Shame, then, that Nikitta sounded like a wasp in a wind tunnel all the way through her song. Which we can't even remember the name of. That doesn't exactly bode well for the future, does it?

Raymond Quinn - In an obvious attempt to pander to the droves of housewives who watch X Factor, Simon Cowell brylcreemed the life out of Raymond's hair and made him sing Ben, a weepy song about a dead rat. Unfortunately his vocals were simply all over the place. However, Simon Cowell said that Raymond is in possession of a little something called 'likability.' True - which is why he'll be in the last few in my view... unless he makes some major mistake like forgetting to smile which I don't think he will. Prepare for much footage of Raymond out playing football with his chums and family, visiting his granny and generally being a "likable" youth.

Ashley McKenzie - I think it will not be long before we see this chap doing a live cover of the Crazy Frog ringtone tune. Think about it - he looks exactly like the crazy frog. If you gave him one of those leather hats and put him on a motor bike he'd BE the crazy frog. However, despite his slightly kinky twin set and pearls, Ashley McKenzie made a fairly eventless standard run through, singing Easy Like Sunday Morning and "making it his own". By 'making it his own' I of course mean that Ashley sang "I'm izzy lakka sundiy morrrnan" instead of actual words that are in the English language. But - hey - it worked for him, so who are we to take the piss? His tuning was all over the place but no-one picked up on it because the judges don't seem to hear tuning problems (unless they are trying to tactically "comment" the other judges act out...)

Leona Lewis - Leona Lewis is a very good singer - she must be, because she does that annoying Mariah Carey 'aaaoooooh' thing at every single opportunity she gets. Since she was singing I'll Be There on Saturday's X Factor, that meant she could go 'aaaoooooh' about a thousand billion times. And do "Jazz Hands" a bunch of times. And then instantly burst into tears the moment it was over. Leona Lewis is obviously being set up as the winner of X Factor - Leonna is the subject of much Simon Cowell frothing. She's 'special' apparently, maybe even special enough to be allowed to release two singles after X Factor ends instead of just one.

Ben Mills - Imagine, if you will, that for one reason or another you're shitting out a rock-hard turd the size and shape of a rugby ball that's inexplicably been studded with shards of broken glass. Now imagine the sort of noise that'd come out of your mouth if you had to do this. Chances are it'd sound exactly like how Ben Mills sings - his X Factor performance of Tracks Of My Tears on Saturday consisted solely of him roaring like a lion with a van on its paw. To be fair to Ben, this approach won the X Factor judges over. They said he was like Rod Stewart. At least, we think that was a compliment… Next week is Rod Stewart week. Wouldn't it be funny if Rod Stewart (who I imagine is turning up) absoltely hated Ben??

So there you have it - the characters have been introduced to you - who do you all think will win this year? Who do you like? Who do you hate? Answers on a comment please...

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Labels: New Year, X Factor

posted by Freddy @ Friday, October 20, 2006 Comments: 2

For Smithy....

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

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Labels: New Year, smithy

posted by Freddy @ Wednesday, October 18, 2006 Comments: 0

Things we have learned....

Big Brother Winners' Week

Slough fog-horn Jayne Kitt wore "secret support" pants to finale night. Obviously, the point of "secret" support pants is that it's meant to be a secret. No-one's supposed to know that you've dispersed your belly somewhere around your shoulder blades via the use of heavy-duty elastic. Nevertheless, Jayne shared the joy with everyone, shouting, "Look at my big pants!" For the record they were beige.

As I watched the footage of Glyn doing a "sexy photo shoot" with two peroxide dolly birds, it was possible to locate the exact microsecond when Glyn decided to put university on hold for a year. "Here's my phone number!" slavered one of the models who had two ton Pepe Le Pugh hair and silicone boobs you could park a taxi between, "Let's go partying," she purred, "I want to look after you." She didn't expand on how she'd "look after" Glyn, but clearly freshers' week disco at Bangor uni suddenly seemed like a highly moribund prospect.

Nikki made a public appearance in Brighton. She stood on a stage while hundreds of drunks filmed her with mobile phones as she shouted "Spessshhhhhhhel". After ten minutes security asked her to return to her dressing room as she was in danger of getting crushed. Nikki threw a trademark strop. Everyone laughed and said "Oh, isn't she brilliant?!" This included Nathan and Bruce, two of Pete's dog-on-a-string mates, who tagged along to "show support", despite the fact they would most probably have vomited at the mere concept of Nikki ten weeks ago.

George went go-karting for the benefit of the TV crew. George's interview was incredibly articulate. He said he hasn't made a penny from Big Brother and that he wants to be a photographer. For the last month he's been working for an interior design company, bringing joy to corners of Chelsea via the power of scatter cushions and moleskin pouffes.

Grace judged a bikini competition in Devon. Grace gets a lot of stick from the public, which she writes off as "pantomime boos". She displays no remorse for any of her vile actions. Grace and Mikey are very, very in love. Frankly, they deserve each other; at least they're not spoiling any other couples.

Lisa doesn't want to be a celebrity, she wants to be a plumber. Lisa went out on a plumbing job and freaked out all the male builders by being harder, braver, quicker and more potty-mouthed than all of them.

Spiral went home to Finglas, Dublin. His dad made him a big plate of Irish stew. Spiral is promoting his single on which he basically drones on about himself for four minutes, singing stuff like: "I'm Spiral/This is who I am/And if you don't like me/I don't give a damn." This is ironic as when he found out Ash didn't like him he sulked for three weeks. Spiral made a PA at a record shop and was mobbed by 150 squealing 11-year-olds. "I love him! I love him so much!" wept one breathless little girl.

Imogen did a stand-about-in-your-pants-looking-boss-eyed-with-lust shoot for a men's magazine. "All this is for me!" she gushed, "The studio, the stylists, the clothes, everything!" Imogen pouted, licked her lips and perched on all fours. "We're keeping it really classy!" she said.

Lea made a PA in a nightclub in Stoke. Not one person who spoke to her kept their eyes at eye level and off her gargantuan chest. More standing on a stage. More being filmed with mobile phones. More being hugged by drunks. How many nights could you be treated like a mobile freak show before you went utterly loopy?

Jayne met her agent Emma for lunch. Jayne wants her own chat show like Paul O'Grady as she thinks she's a real comic. Emma said that Jayne's celebrity "hook" is her determination to lose weight. Jayne agreed and they talked about launching a work-out video. Twelve days later, Jayne made it to the gym for the first time…then she went for a curry.

Pete went back to Brighton, where a nice, caring girl with blonde dreads and facial piercings seemed to be by his side a lot, rather than Princess Nikki who was shouting "Spessshhhhel" on a stage somewhere. Pete ran around the streets shouting "Eezermannah!" The public shouted "Eezermannah!" back. It felt like for Pete, being inside the Big Brother house was actually the safest place for him, because now, with £100,000 in his pocket, a jam-packed diary, millions of new friends and Nikki Grahame on his back, his problems have only really just begun.

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Labels: Big Brother, New Year

posted by Freddy @ Wednesday, September 06, 2006 Comments: 1

Back by dope demand

From Grace Dent's Blog - This article is so brilliant that I have replicated it here with no shame. It is from the BRILLIANT RADIO TIMES WEBSITE and you can read it EVERY DAY by clicking HERE or HERE or even HERE!!

On day 67, not long after Nikki was voted out of Big Brother 7, Dermot O'Leary said in an interview with New! magazine: "The show has definitely suffered. There's something unbelievably endearing about the girl. I don't know why she was evicted. We were thinking, 'There's no way she can go, something must be wrong.'"

Dermot continued: "I still haven't met anyone who voted for Nikki. It showed that there's no way the show could be fixed. If they could fix it, I'm sure the programme-makers would have moved heaven and earth to keep her in there."

By eviction night on day 79, heaven and earth duly moved: Nikki is back, along with Grace, Lisa, Lea, Jayne and several other characters whom viewers spent hundreds of thousands of pounds voting out under the silly assumption they were voting them out for good.

And now we're invited to spend even more money voting four ex-housemates back in. One of these evicted housemates is now eligible for the £100,000 prize money. I suppose there are two ways of looking at this.

The first is to see it as a brilliant, satisfying twist. Just imagine the vile, antisocial behaviour we can enjoy if Nikki, Grace, Lisa and Lea are given more telly time? On Friday's Big Brother's Big Mouth, the ex-contestants pleaded to re-enter the house, exuding that same "I'll say anything, me, to get on telly" desperation employed in their intro VTs.

"I'll be swearing and smoking…and I'll beat Ash up!" grunts Lisa, as Grace and Nikki snigger beside her. "Cuh! I'll bring out Ash's true colours!" promises Spiral. "Yeah! Someone needs to knock the tiara off the ghetto princess's head!" gurgles some random member of the audience, clearly struggling to remain coherent amid so many F-list celebs. "Don't worry, I'll do it for you!" brags Grace, wrapping an arm around Nikki. "She can do it 'erself!" crows Jayne.

As the dismal little clique chuckle and boast about committing GBH on Ash, I'm sure there were people all over Britain thinking, "This is the best telly evvva! Gimme that mobile, now! Let's text in dat orange one who looks like Justin Lee Collins wivvout a beard. She's nasty! And that one who acts like a six-year-old and calls people sluts and squeals all the time! Me likey nasty people. They make my head feel fizzy and gud!"

A lot of people, quite sadly, do think like this. That's why Grace and Nikki will most probably return on Tuesday.

The alternative way to look at the "twist" is with a certain amount of anger. Well, anger ebbing slowly to resigned bemusement at the bizarre way Big Brother 7 has gone.

Obviously, it's true that Big Brother over the past seven years has weathered multiple twists and turns. I know that all too well; I've watched every single series.

But crucially, during the past seven years, the one constant, basic rule that has kept the show alive is that Big Brother is a test of popularity and endurance. The winner can be a timid goody-goody or a noisy prat, but their skill is to stay popular. If you're not popular in or out of the house on Big Brother, you'll be voted out eventually and then it's game over for good, leaving the ultimate winner. Week after week, it gets harder to stay popular as the homesickness and cabin fever affects your persona; but if you can endure this longer than everybody else then the £100,000 is yours.

What makes finale night so goosebumpy is the expression on the last, triumphant, sensory-deprived soul as they climb the white stairs and find themselves rocketed back to reality in an explosion of fireworks and flashing cameras. Whether your personal favourite wins or not, it's a curiously satisfying end.

To meddle with this basic fundamental rule and let Nikki, Grace or Lisa etc back in to win feels quite wrong to me.
Big Brother can experiment with fake evictions, golden tickets and secret houses, but the moment they change the rules, the whole concept feels utterly pointless. Not only were they were turfed out by a majority vote because of their unpopular behaviour; since then, they've all been home to their families, slept well and recharged their batteries. They've eaten nice food, been down the gym, seen all their mates and had their hair coloured and cut. They've bought some new clothes, had a good look through all of their tabloid clippings, and now they're allowed back into the house once again - fresh as they were on day 1.

Meanwhile Pete, Richard, Ash, Imogen, Jennie and Glyn sit in the house feeling addled, flabby, homesick and slightly deranged.

Big Brother can experiment with fake evictions, golden tickets, secret houses and secret gardens, but the moment they simply just change the rules so they can re-instate Nikki, Grace and Lisa, whose deranged behaviour wins ratings, and then give them the chance of winning £100,000, the whole concept of Big Brother begins to feel utterly pointless.

If nobody at Big Brother gives a hoot about the last ten weeks of texts that everyone has spent money on, then why are we still lining their pockets by voting at all? It's just a thought, but why not just stop voting? Then the producers can decide among themselves who wins and why, while at least we enjoy the ongoing antics for free.

I can't see the point in voting any more for Big Brother 7.

Susie Verrico v Davina McCall was all rather amusing. Beforehand, Davina interviewed Mikey, telling him several times he's been a "brilliant housemate". "When you see your best bits, Mikey, you'll know why!" says Davina. Mikey's "best bits" VT is several clips of him waving his hands or occasionally dancing. The absolute highlight of Mikey's tape is the time he jumped into a big pile of cushions. "Wow!" gushes Davina, "Mikey! You were such a brilliant housemate!"

Susie's interview is starkly different in tone. Evidently, Susie has been a bad housemate. Actually, not just bad as in boring, but bad as in nasty. Evil, in fact. They've made a compilation VT of Susie complaining about chewing gum and the kitchen mess where they've slowed down bits of her speech to a growl and made slow-motion shots of her scowling so she looks quasi-Satanic. Susie takes it all in with calm aplomb.

"Your boobs are enormous!" hoots Davina out of the blue, pointing at Susie's chest. "They're not that big really," replies Susie. "Yes they are!" giggles Davina. Susie looks at Davina with an expression that appears to say: "Davina, you're almost the same age as me. Why are you suddenly acting like an hysterical 16-year-old?"

"Now, let me get this straight," says Davina, "You auditioned three times? You were a stand-in. And your husband bought 800 chocolate bars. You were desperate, weren't you?!" Everyone in the crowd smirks at the word desperate. "Well, to be honest, you have to be desperate to do Big Brother," replies Susie, "Everyone is desperate who gets through the auditions. You have to stand in the rain and cold for hours on end." Davina looks at her notes, ignoring the answer.

"So why didn't you do anything when you were in there?" asks Davina. Susie fixes her with one of her looks, then says, "What did you want me to do?" There's a small, awkward silence. Quick, Davina, stick on Mikey's best bits tape! Show her the cushion jump! "Erm…well…I don't know," stutters Davina, "My feeling was that you wanted to be there so badly…and then you didn't embrace it or even let your hair down!"

"I don't let my hair down like that," says Susie plainly, "I don't get drunk. I didn't want to have sex on TV. I didn't want to play Spin the Bott…" "Well, why did you go in there?!" shouts Davina, who is famously teetotal. "Exposure," replies Susie, with refreshing honesty. "Exposure?" Davina sneers at her. Clearly the years that Davina spent running around the streets of Britain like a headless chicken doing Streetmate and MTV's Most Wanted were simply for the good of her own health.

"So do you want to go back into the house?!" shouts Davina. "Yes, OK," says Susie, who we now have firmly established was an exceedingly bad, boring, shallow, and disappointing housemate. Susie skips off to join the queue of "brilliant housemates", such as Nikki and Grace who have come back tonight just for "the experience" and not for increased exposure whatsoever.

"Keep texting to vote who you want to go back in!" screams Davina, "The numbers are coming up now! This week's money is going to charity!" Wow! Charidee. Isn't that big of them?!

Maybe if millions and millions of us had known months ago that our next ten weeks of voting money was all to be for nothing, we could have put that cash to a worthy cause, too.

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Labels: Big Brother, Grace Dent, New Year, richard

posted by Freddy @ Monday, August 07, 2006 Comments: 0

Fred's Birthday

As discussed before, a significant birthday is coming up. Believe it or not on July 26th last year I started this website.


To commemorate our birthday, I thought I would take you on a walk down memory lane - well - more a brisk gallop really. Here is another selection of posts which sum up what has been happening here: ENJOY!!

September 2005

Birth of the Groove Website
The Mark McGuire Singers perform their first (and only) request!!
A New Lodger!!
My Rant about how I'm crap at sport
Dr Ruth
The birth of the St George's Website
A September Weekend
Our first piece of news from Alan C - recently moved to Edinburgh
Susan and Richard's Wedding Video
Lisa from New Zealand
My Rant about touchy feely people
Fred's Redundancy
A bad time
More about Lisa
Richard's Organ
More about Richard's Organ
Pictures from May Day 2005
My Rant about Fred's Redundancy
Toilet Technique
All about Susan!!


There will be more "Best of" moments tomorrow!!

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Labels: limericks, New Year, richard, Susan, video

posted by Freddy @ Tuesday, July 25, 2006 Comments: 0

One year on...

A significant birthday is coming up. Believe it or not on July 26th last year I started this website. It was called a different name back then and a lot has changed.




I had no idea then what it was going to be when I pressed "publish" for the first time. I had no idea if anyone would ever read it apart from me.

I still have no idea what it is supposed to be!! I don't suppose I ever will, but I do know that I have had in excess of about ten thousand visitors since I started. If you had told me that when it first started I would never have done it.... How scary.

To define this site I would say that it is not actually a blog at all - it's a wide circle of friends all chipping in to a central point and catching up with each other in a unique way.

To commemorate our birthday, I thought I would take you on a walk down memory lane - well - more a brisk gallop really. Here is a selection of posts which sum up what has been happening here: ENJOY!!

JULY 2005

1 - First ever post!! How stupid did I sound!!
2 - An e-mail from Lynder about the "New" site!!
3 - 100 things about me - a lot of people said they learned a lot of stuff here!!
4 - 10 things about our SEEEUUUOOOSAN!!
5 - An e-mail from JR
6 - 10 things about Andrew
7 - All about Richard
8 - All about Lynder
9 - All about Byte
10 - All about Clair with the Hair
11 - Scorchio!!
12 - My Holiday in Majorca
13 - Home Again from Majorca
14 - Methody Win
15 - All about Alan C
16 - All about JR
17 - My Rant about Diets - I really went off on one. One year later and I'm still fat.
18 - Richard's Organ
19 - Jenny and Chris's Champagne Barbeque
22 - My rant about Gay Pride - what a rant this was!! Cool down Freddy!
21 - A day out!!

There will be more "Best of" moments tomorrow!!

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Labels: jenny, lynder, New Year, richard, Susan

posted by Freddy @ Friday, July 21, 2006 Comments: 5

Dirty Bass

I promised you pictures of Dirty Bass's Patio and here they are - I know I speak for everyone who comes here regularly when I say that WE ARE ALL VERY EXCITED about the invite down to see your patio handywork first hand and have a barbeque there!! Here is some info from Dirty Bass himself.

The photo showing the garden with the sea in the background is at the back of the house. There are two patios on this side of the house - one which is immediately outside the conservatory and looks out to sea. It has a charcoal barbeque and a water feature and a sitting area for approx 6 people. The second patio area is in the photo with the greenhouse and shed showing. Just to the right of the greenhouse there a two gryphon which lead to a small patio of which the shed wall is the back of the patio. This is a very sheltered area and seats about 3/4 people. Because the heat in this area can be as high as 35 degrees it is nicknamed "the mediteranean corner". A gas barbeque is nearby for making lunch!

To the front there is a small shaded patio area which is used to escape from the heat. The fourth patio which was laid last August and is now nearing completion is the other photo you have with the new patio heater, new parasol and new gas barbeque. This captures the sun from around 2pm to 8.30pm. I thought I might do a Melisma christmas party when the house is decorated inside for christmas which is my favourite time of the year.

Great Dirty Bass - we'll all look forward to it!! I have my beach towel all packed and ready!!

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Labels: Mr Hutton, New Year, photos

posted by Freddy @ Thursday, July 20, 2006 Comments: 2

Gordon's slot

Life of a celebrity chef: Gordon Ramsay factfile
Born November 8, 1966, in Glasgow, Scotland.

Played professional football at age 15. A Glasgow Rangers scout spotted him while playing for Oxford United. Three years later he gave it up after suffering from a knee injury, went back to college and completed a course in Hotel Management.

One of only three chefs in the U.K. to maintain three Michelin Stars for his restaurant. Michelin sparingly awards one to three stars to a small number of restaurants of outstanding quality.

Has opened nine restaurants worldwide, with the tenth set to open in New York this September. His London restaurants include Restaurant Gordon Ramsay, Pétrus, Gordon Ramsay at Claridge's, Angela Hartnett at the Connaught, The Savoy Grill, Banquette, Boxwood Café and Maze.

Married to Tana, a trained Montessori schoolteacher. They met when she was working as an assistant manageress at a restaurant near Tower Bridge. At the time she was 18 and engaged to Ramsay's best friend.

The couple has four children – Matilda, 5, twins Jack and Holly, 6, and Megan, 8. Ramsay was not present for the births of any of his children because he feared the sight of Tana delivering might ruin their sex life.

He has published six books on cooking, appeared in two kitchen documentaries (Boiling Point and Beyond Boiling Point), three television series (Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares, Hell's Kitchen and The F-Word) and contributes to a food column in The Times.

In April 2006 Ramsay completed his 7th Flora London Marathon in 3 hours, 46 minutes and 10 seconds

In June of this year he won a High Court case against the London Evening Standard newspaper, which had alleged that scenes had been faked in Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares.

He drives a Ferrari F430 (they start at around $170,000) and a Range Rover Sport Supercharged.

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Labels: New Year

posted by Freddy @ Wednesday, July 19, 2006 Comments: 0

My Twelfth

Anyone who knows me will know how I feel about the Twelfth of July celebrations (Or Orangefest as it is now known)

Coincidentally I took the above picture of flames at Belvoir bonfire on the 11th night last Tuesday - isn't it spooky that the flames look very like a map of Ulster????

Anyway - for those (particularly people not from Northern Ireland) who could not get their heads round the article SMITHY submitted on this ORANGE FEST thing, then let me ruddy well give you a potted history.

It starts in 1690 when William of Orange (a Dutchman) arrived at Carrickfergus Castle (about 10 miles out of Belfast) and briefly plonked his diminutive arse down on a chair that was presented to him before being rushed off that night to Belfast. Carrickfergus has never fully recovered from this mind blowing event and sees itself as one of Northern Ireland's premier hot spots as a result.

King William (or King Billy as Northern Ireland's uneducated rabble now knows him) had brought with him over 40 pieces of artillery, some of the Dutch guns requiring 16 horses to pull them. He also brought a thousand horses and £200,000 in cash to pay his men, who numbered some 36,000.

On 19th June 1690, King William set out from Belfast to Lisburn and from there towards Newry and to Drogheda. It would have been a gruelling and tough journey for him and his men as it is thought that the ENTERPRISE train was not in operation that day due to a security alert. History records that they had to do some of it on Ulsterbus transfer between Newry and Dundalk.

A battle took place on the Boyne River against English King James II, which William and his men won, largely due to the unexpected artillery that William had brought with him. James II then King of England was not popular amongst Protestants due to the fact that he had Catholics promoted to high-status positions while he appointed the 'Bloody Assizes' to execute, torture or enslave Protestant rebels. That seems to be the main cause of the problem.

Every year on the Twelfth of July, this rebellion is celebrated by the protestants who number around 50% of Northern Ireland's population. The Protestants march for a whole day round all of Northern Ireland in Orange Sashes and bowler hats (to recreate 15th Century attire)

Very few people in Northern Ireland however have a notion about the battle. Ask any of the kids in the street who are throwing fire crackers at people's windows or the teenagers pissing up against my doorway why it is that Ulster's "Loyalists" are celebrating a battle which went AGAINST the British King. Point this out to them and they would look baffled. Tell them that King Billy was a dutch man and not English and that he was in fact fighting the English troops and they would run for the hills (in protest)

Equally, ask a Nationalist why it is that they object to these plonker loyalists celebrating a battle hundreds of years ago in which a dutchman came over to NI and beat the English and they would be equally clueless.

It doesn't make sense these days but it doesn't matter. What it boils down to is tribalism in a raw form. We LITERALLY have people in this, the NEW MILLENNIUM, gathering round a big fire and chanting singing dancing and jeering. It's vaguely ridiculous and certainly backwards. It just doesn't sit well with modern thinking.

I object to the twelfth celebrations and am not afraid to say so, but not because of politics or religion. I object because of the dreadful mess it leaves. Speaking as a person who lives on one of the most "traditional routes" there is, I can tell you that the litter and smell of piss that is left behind after one of these parades is appalling. There were half eaten polystyrene trays of gravy chips being trodden underfoot all day and then left there.

Believe me, even if you were one of the most ardent supporters of the Orange Order you would be equally disgusted if you examined the scene afterwards. At any organised event in the open air, what is there always a huge queue for? That's right - the portacabin toilets. At the twelfth there are NO TOILETS!!! What does that mean? Piss everywhere. Last Wednesday I came down to my own front door to find two grown men (in polyester bright blue uniforms) pissing up against the glass on the door. From inside I could see the yellow streams running down the glass and I could see their "urine mechanisms" but they did not care - not one bit - they just carried on.

I object to THAT.

Labels: New Year, Northern Ireland, smithy

posted by Freddy @ Monday, July 17, 2006 Comments: 0

Superman Returns - reviewed by Smithy

"Look up the sky... it's a bird... it's a plane... no it's Brandon Routh manly manning up the horizon in form-fitting tights..." [Emily Blunt, The Blunt Review]

"He remembered the cape, the spandex, the shiny boots and the big red S on his chest, but wait... Where's the personality?" [Arizona Daily Star]

"Drab looking, underwhelming and inferior to all four of the Superman films that starred Christopher Reeve...But at least it's better than Supergirl." [FulvueDrive-in.com]

"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane ... no, it's the biggest turkey of the year, featuring a would-be Superman so wooden he might as well be acting in a pine box lined in kryptonite." [Boulder Weekly]

The gayest movie of the summer!...

KEVIN SPACEY: The campest Lex Luthor ever, full of queeny lip curls and bitchy sarcasm.
Rating: GAY GAY GAY...

BRANDON ROUTH: Never mind speculation over the actor's sexuality; visually the new Superman is the queerest thing this side of Krypton. With thick foundation caked on his chiseled face and cheap blue Claire's Accessories contact lenses (this movie has the NASTIEST makeup), you half expect Superman to get frosted highlights in his trademark black lacquered hair at any moment.
Rating: GAYER THAN A CLAY AIKEN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL

THE BULGE: All post-movie talk was of the digitally de-bulged red Y-fronts, so expect "I've been digitally de-bulged" to become the new "it's cold in here" for short-cocked men of the world.
Rating: DOES THIS YELLOW BELT LOOK TOO GAY?

VERDICT: Superman is gayer than your gay uncle in Gaysville. Go see!

[The Wow Report]

Labels: New Year, smithy

posted by ADMS @ Friday, June 30, 2006 Comments: 2

Found this online 3 day guide to Barcelona

DAY 1: BARRI GÒTIC AND LA RAMBLA
Start your day with a cortado at your local café, and head down to the Plaça de Catalunya, the nerve center of Barcelona and home to Barcelona's biggest shopping venues. El Corte Inglès is Spain's mega-market, peddling everything from clothes to CDs and books — it even has a travel agent! Nearby Zara is Spain's answer to the Gap. If you aren't carrying too many bags, visit the Palau de la Música Catalana (C/ Sant Francesc de Paula, 2; +34-93/295-72-00; www.palaumusica.org), just down from the Plaça, for a tour of the Modernist masterpiece. The music hall's inverted stained-glass dome is not to be missed. Advance tickets are required; buy them at the box office or check with your concièrge. For lunch, enjoy classic Catalan dishes at the nearby Els Quatre Gats (Carrer Montsiò 3 bis; +34-93/302-4240; entrées: 13-25 EUR), a beautifully restored Modernist café best known as the venue of Picasso's first art show in 1900.

After lunch, head back to the hotel for a siesta — nothing's open in the mid-afternoon anyway. Once refreshed, head back to the Plaça de Catalunya and take a relaxing stroll down the famous La Rambla, the tree-lined boulevard that carves a jagged line through the heart of Barcelona. Admire the various street vendors selling everything from books to birds, but keep a watchful eye open — La Rambla is infamous for pickpockets and gypsies. The Rambla's open-air cafés can be a nice place to stop and people-watch, but the food is generally overpriced and mediocre. Note the Canaletes Fountain (a drink insures you'll return to Barcelona), the teeming Boquería food market, and the Miró-designed pavement, Take a detour through the twisty streets of the Barri Gòtic and poke your head into the Cathedral (Avinguda Catedral; +34-93/315-1554), in all its gothic splendor. Continue meandering through the Barri Gòtic and on to the adjacent Borne district, full of galleries, shops and funky restaurants. It's Barcelona's answer to SoHo in New York. Again, be careful of pickpockets.


DAY 2: MARKETS AND MODERNISM
Begin your day at — you guessed it — Plaça de Catalunya, and stroll up the Passeig de Gràcia through the Eixample, enjoying some of the finest window shopping anywhere. Even with the stronger dollar, Spain can still be expensive, especially for clothes. Here you'll find upscale boutiques as well as in the chic mall Bulevard Rosa (Passeig de Gràcia 53-55; www.bulevardrosa.com), an arcade with men's and women's fashions, shoes, leather goods, jewelry, and gifts. Nearby Rambla de Catalunya is also a paradise for shoppers (or window shoppers, depending on your budget); designer Antonio Miró's showcase, Groc (Rambla Catalunya 100), features trendy fashions; his outlet (Carrer Consell de Cent 349-351) has a great selection for women.

The Eixample is also home to a myriad of Modernist buildings, most notably those by the city's greatest architect, Antonio Gaudí. You'll first encounter Casa Batlló (Passeig de Gràcia 43), with its fishscale-like roof tiles. The $15 entrance ticket to Gaudí's La Pedrera (Passeig de Gràcia 92) includes a tour, but the highlight is the rooftop of abstract chimneys, like an alien landscape, from which you can steal views of the Sagrada Familia (Plaça Sagrada Familia; +34-93/455-0247; www.sagradafamilia.org), Gaudí's unfinished church. A trip to the church is recommended, but as it is a work in progress, there is little to see inside.

For lunch, grab a quick bite to go at the Catalan version of McDonald's: Pans & Co., scattered throughout the city. Hip and spotless, they serve sandwiches, salads, and gazpacho. Take your sandwich and a cab up to Parc Güell (Carrer Olot, up the giant escalator from Av. Hospital Militar), Gaudí's crowning creation, with its own phantasmagoric plaza (with a great view) and a spectacular entrance. Stroll the grounds, or just hang out and people-watch for the afternoon.


DAY 3: GET HIGH!
For a change, do not start your day on the Plaça de Catalunya (unless you're staying there); rather, fetch a cab and get thee to Montjuïc, a hill above the city with great views of the port. There you will find two parks, the Jardins Mossèn Costa i Llobera, with a large cactus and succulent collection, and Jardins Mossèn Cinto Verdaguer, with over 100,000 plants year-round. Don't miss the Fundació Joan Miró (Parc de Montjuïc; +34-93/329-1908), housing over 200 paintings and nearly as many sculptures by the 20th-century Catalan abstractionist. A highlight i s Calder's Fountain of Mercury (1937) which recirculates five-and-a-half tons of mercury. Lunch options are few in Montjuïc, though the café at the Fundació Joan Miró is not bad and fairly reasonably priced. You may want to pack in another sandwich from Pans & Co. Take the funicular up to the Castell de Montjüic, the fortress perched atop the hill, for sweeping vistas of Barcelona and the coast. If you're still hankering for an outdoor ramble, descend to the Parc de la Ciutadella, the largest in the city, with tree-lined paths, an enormous fountain, a lake, and the Barcelona Zoo. Or, for the best view of the city, head up Tibidabo, easily reached by public transportation

Evening falls, and it's back to Punto for the nightly fix of drinks and party planning. For dinner, Citrus (El Passeig de Gracia 44; +34-93/487-2345; $8-18) is right down the street from La Pedrera and still within easy reach of the activities in the Gaixample. Situated on the second floor and boasting large windows, Citrus offers great views of the main street.

Labels: barcelona, New Year

posted by Freddy @ Friday, March 31, 2006 Comments: 0

Cara Dillon

If you buy one album this year - only one (and let's face it there are not a lot of albums these days that make you want to reach for your wallet) Then I ask you to consider the voice of Cara Dillon. Her new album "After the Morning" is simply sensational.

Cara is from Northern Ireland, (Dungiven I believe) and I have a thing about Dungiven. I used to have a call there when I worked as a DVD rep. I used to call into the large MSVC supermarket there once a week (yeah right) and do business with the manageress there who was called Madonna. She was one of the funniest woman I have ever met - she had a thick accent which I could never fully make out so I would go on fragments of sentances and hope for the best. It was hilarious and after a difficult start we ended up really hitting it off. So as a complete alien to Dungiven (a really small town set on a very high mountain road) I was given a great impression. When I hear Cara sing I think of Dungiven and Madonna in that hellish supermarket running around multi-tasking and communicating with 10 people at a time and I smile...

Her album can be found here

Labels: New Year, Northern Ireland

posted by Freddy @ Thursday, March 02, 2006 Comments: 1

Congratulations on the new job to Jonny at Diagio - I thought you would like to celebrate with this picture.

Jonny got the job that he has been actually doing for about a year now anyway but they had to interview him for it.

Congrats Jonny - and you can e-mail this link to all your friends and family so they can add their congratulations as well!!

Labels: New Year

posted by Freddy @ Monday, February 13, 2006 Comments: 5

Chester

Hogan - Clair and Colin's new baby

Labels: barcelona, clair gunning stitt, New Year, video

posted by Freddy @ Tuesday, January 24, 2006 Comments: 6

A poem that struck a chord!

Twas the month after xmas and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse
The stuffing I'd nibbled. The turkey I'd taste
The yummies I'd eaten gone straight to my waist.
The wine and the mince pies,
The bread and the cheese,
I should have said "no thankyou, please".
So as I dressed myself in my boyfriends old shirt
I couldn't believe my bottom and belly - the girth!
I said to myself, as only I can
"You cant spend the year disguised as a man!
So away with the last of the sour cream dip, Get rid of the fruitcake,
every cracker and chip.
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Til all the additional ounces have vanished.
I wont have a cookie, not even a lick.
Instead I'll chew on a long celery stick.
I wont have Irish coffees, or chocolates, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry:
"I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore -
But isnt that what Januarys for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot,
Happy new year to all and to all a good diet!

Labels: New Year

posted by Freddy @ Wednesday, January 11, 2006 Comments: 3