Superman Returns - reviewed by Smithy
"Look up the sky... it's a bird... it's a plane... no it's Brandon Routh manly manning up the horizon in form-fitting tights..." [Emily Blunt, The Blunt Review]
"He remembered the cape, the spandex, the shiny boots and the big red S on his chest, but wait... Where's the personality?" [Arizona Daily Star]
"Drab looking, underwhelming and inferior to all four of the Superman films that starred Christopher Reeve...But at least it's better than Supergirl." [FulvueDrive-in.com]
"Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane ... no, it's the biggest turkey of the year, featuring a would-be Superman so wooden he might as well be acting in a pine box lined in kryptonite." [Boulder Weekly]
The gayest movie of the summer!...
KEVIN SPACEY: The campest Lex Luthor ever, full of queeny lip curls and bitchy sarcasm.
Rating: GAY GAY GAY...
BRANDON ROUTH: Never mind speculation over the actor's sexuality; visually the new Superman is the queerest thing this side of Krypton. With thick foundation caked on his chiseled face and cheap blue Claire's Accessories contact lenses (this movie has the NASTIEST makeup), you half expect Superman to get frosted highlights in his trademark black lacquered hair at any moment.
Rating: GAYER THAN A CLAY AIKEN CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
THE BULGE: All post-movie talk was of the digitally de-bulged red Y-fronts, so expect "I've been digitally de-bulged" to become the new "it's cold in here" for short-cocked men of the world.
Rating: DOES THIS YELLOW BELT LOOK TOO GAY?
VERDICT: Superman is gayer than your gay uncle in Gaysville. Go see!
[The Wow Report]
posted by ADMS @ Friday, June 30, 2006
Comments: 2
