A letter from Ripon Cathedral thanking us!!
Thanks to Mr Hutton for scanning this and to Smithy for converting it to this format for me!! If you cannot read it, click on it which will
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Autobiography of the day
With Christmas only around the corner, I thought I would start a new feature - Autobigraphy of the day.
Day by day it will help you to find presents for your loved ones. We start today with the autobiography of Sir Elton John. Ideal for an unmarried Uncle or perhaps a good suggestion for a male colleague in your place of work who is "good to his mum" and is the "life and soul" at office parties.
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Have you seen my GROWLER?? A lesson on being careful about texts and e-mails!!!
I have done this... have you??? Tell us your stories!!GMTV exec resigns over text blunderHead of lifestyle programming at GMTV Benedetta Pinelli has resigned from the programme after accidentally sending a text message meant for her husband to Lorraine Kelly.
Pinelli, who has only been in the job 6 months, sent the text, which included the words: "I hate her," to the LK Today presenter by accident.
Sources say that Pinelli was "embarrassed" and decided to resign immediately,
GMTV confirmed today that Pinelli left of her own accord and was not sacked.
A GMTV spokesperson said: "Nobody influenced her decision to resign. It was whole-heartedly her decision."
Pinelli is reportedly due to start a new role at an unnamed film production company next week.
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Showering for men and women - sent in by Seuuuuuusan
* * HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN * *
Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.
Get in the shower.
Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.
Shave armpits and legs.
Turn off shower.
Dry off all wet surfaces in shower.
Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
Get out of shower.
Dry with towel the size of a small country.
Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
* * HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN * *Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile...
Walk naked to the bathroom.
If you see wife along the way, shake w*lly at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
Admire the size of your w*lly and scratch your bum.
Get in the shower.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off.
Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
Wash your hair.
Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
Wee.
Rinse off and get out of shower.
Partially dry off.
Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
Admire w*lly size in mirror again.
Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake w*lly at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
Throw wet towel on bed.
May I present Erynn?
This is Pamela and David's first born, little Erynn. I think she's been up before but look how she's grown!!
Pamela and David are both paramedics here in Northern Ireland - a tough job by anyone's standards. I know. I've been watching Trauma on BBC1.
Anyway just thought I'd share her with you!!
Labels: Northern Ireland
Hiya Lisa!!!
Have you ever wondered what our Lisa looks like?
You know Lisa, the New Zealand girl who puts more comments on my blog and visits me more loyally than most of you horrible lot??
Well she has done a very special post - see here!!And she's lovely - just as I imagined her!!
HEY LISA from all here in Northern Ireland waving over at you across the many countries in between us. Send us over a bottle of white would you!!
Stop and think about that for a second. Here we are, little ants on a big revolving ball millions of times bigger than us - able to communicate with each other from opposite ends.... We really are clever little ants aren't we... And now for that bottle of white.... FREDDY!!!!
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I am always with you.. Even if I'm not...
This picture was submitted to me by a source who wishes to remain anonymous... Lookin good guys!!
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Clair's doggies
At the risk of starting up another thread of canine related frenzy, I am putting up this gorgeous picture of Clair's dogs.
Not because I am a doggy person. Well I like dogs so I suppose I AM a doggy person, but I don't love ALL dogs.
I'm putting this up because I love Clair... and Clair loves dogs. GOT THAT??
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Oops
Just to assure any people that used to have a link from this site - Smithy, Lisa etc - I haven't deliberately removed you - in fact I lost my template!!
While putting together another website, I accidentally removed FredorDead's template and had to restore it without any customisations. I will get round to putting my clock, my BBC News panel and all links to ther sites over the next few days - but it's all too fiddly to even bear thinking about!! Sorry guys!!
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Our wee choir with Sir David Willcocks
This photograph was taken at a dinner on Saturday night - our choir was fortunate enough to be singing all day for this wonderful man.
If you want to know more about Sir David Willcocks,
click here
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They DO feel like dancing
The Scissor Sisters' new album is out tomorrow (Monday)
To celebrate this, Richard and Susan have been out there doing work for the worldwide smash band, and HERE is a video of them doing just that....
Not to be outdone, Our Lynder and Mr Hutton have been getting in on the act and you can see them perform by clicking HERE
Turn your sound up and enjoy. This may not load up properly in work computers so trust me you need to send the links home and watch them there if they don't!!
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"Och, this is revolting!" crows diet-velocorapter Gillian McKeith, staring at the box of poo like it's, well, a box of poo. "This is worst the poo I've ever smelled!" shrieks the angry bag of bones, sloshing about the contents. "Poos should not smell like that! Or loooook like that either! They should look like sausages and curl out in the shape of a letter S and…"
I'll spare you the detail, but Gillian has very firm ideas about the perfect excretion. The Saunders family stare guiltily at their bad bum work as Gillian rants and gags. Personally, I'd be more worried if poo popped out smelling of nothing, but, hey, enough about poo, it's time to move on. And by series four, I wish Gillian would, too.
Nevertheless, there's something brilliantly watchable about
You Are What You Eat. I love the limitless fury of McKeith as she goose-steps around supermarkets and rifles through kitchen cupboards, greeting double chocolate mini-muffins like anthrax and replacing chocolate buttons with sugar snap peas.
"Mmm! Sugar snap peas! They're so sweet! Delicious! Just as good as chocolate!" she loves to cry, as if repeating the utter falsehood makes it any less risible. I hope the film crew take it in turns to crouch in the downstairs airing cupboard sharing contraband jelly babies, just out of spite.
Gillian McKeith is still coming up with the goods. Sadly, it doesn't stop the trestle table of shame looking bloody delicious...
I love Gillian's trestle table of shame, filled with jam roly-poly, pork pies and pains au chocolat, which the victims always sob in front of and repent their sins, while at home I secretly fancy a large slice of that Battenburg cake washed down with a nice glass of supermarket pop and vodka. "Nooo! Have a spoonful of this beetroot and flax-seed stew with natural yoghurt, then we'll go and do some squat thrusts around the park in Aertex gym knickers! It'll be fun!" Gillian says. Why does no-one ever slap her?
I love the bizarre ritual of filming the victim in a one-piece neon swimming costume looking almost suicidal, which always finishes with a cellulite close-up.
And if there are kids in the family, I love how they're always sent to school with a lunchbox rattling full of macadamia nuts and granola wrapped in Chinese leaves sprinkled with cinnamon. Perish the thought you give the kids a wholemeal roll with lean meat and an apple; no let's send little Johnny to school with a lunch so bizarre that news spreads around the yard that mum is actually a giant mutant squirrel.
Despite all the daftness, as a short, sharp shock You Are What You Eat certainly does the trick. The message is clear: sugar and processed food is bad, fruit and veg is good. Four series on, Gillian McKeith is still coming up with the goods. Sadly, it doesn't stop the trestle table of shame looking bloody delicious. Even if one vanilla slice will mean your poo comes out in a letter Q and smells of purest Satan.
Extracted from
Grace Dent's fantastic weekly TV BLOG - Unmissable!!
In Memory of Lt. Michael N. Fodor, 53, of Ladder 21
My own statement : I am a humble blogger in Belfast, Northern Ireland. I found out about the 2996 project and immediately thought it was a beautiful idea and a great way to use the internet in a positive way. I live miles away from the attrocities that happened on September 11th. What happened is far removed from me, yet I understand as do all people from Belfast the amount of pain that terrorism leaves with communities big and small. Lt Fodor and the others who gave their lives on that day must never be forgotten. Their memories must live on for the pain to heal. I wish to express to the family of Lt Fodor that I have tried to recount the facts surrounding a true hero, without causing any pain to you and I hope I serve you well in doing so. I would also like to sincerely thank Sean Gavin who contacted me and helped me to write this memorial, guiding me in what was right.
In Memory of Lt. Michael N. Fodor, 53, of Ladder 21Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
On Tuesday September 11th 2001, Lt. Michael Fodor of Tower Ladder 21 was at his station, just back from medical leave and a day or two away from vacation.
After the first plane hit, Mike and TL-21 were apparently assigned to the South Tower when they were originally dispatched from the firehouse. News footage exists that was found of the truck pulling up to the area, and you can see Mike and the others on board. The truck was found later that day, and was driven back to the firehouse that night. It is still in service. To this day however, not a trace has been found of the members of TL-21.
There was another FDNY officer who survived, and stated that he saw Mike and his men pass by him in one of the stairwells in the North Tower (even though they were assigned to the South...there was understandably a lot of confusion and reassignments that day). After exchanging greetings, the other officer stated that Mike said something to the effect of "where the hell is our Air Force?!" It was clear to Mike and many others that the attacks were not a terrible accident, as some originally thought.
After the towers collapsed there was obviously a long time spent going through the rubble trying to find bodies. Michael was one of the bodies being looked for, and Mike's wife, Debbie, and their three children – two sons and a daughter – sat together on the living room sofa for days praying, and hoping against hope that there would be good news. They were supported by Mike's colleague and friend, Jerry Gavin of Goshen who had worked together at Ladder 21 on 38th Street for 15 years and who had helped comb through the rubble. In the Fodor household, no one believed the worst had befallen the burly, fearless man with blond hair and a bushy mustache.
We do not know what exactly happened to Mike and his team at the towers.
Ain't this great? This is all I ever wanted.
At Mike's memorial service, Rev. Ralph E. Peterson's resounding voice soon came through the loudspeakers. "Today we honor a warrior who gave his life in the first day of battle,"
"A man who was all business and who could crack a joke," at the same time, said Michael Thomas Fodor.
Michael said his father lived his life much like the poem "Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening" by Robert Frost. "It seemed like everything he did was motivated by promises he had to keep," he said, quoting the poem he had just read. "I can only hope in a thousand years to be one half as tough and resilient as my father was."
Andrew Fodor poeticized his eulogy of his father and echoed the pastor's sentiments of love.
"... The truth was to all come together. Love each other and we'll be fine," he said.
Fodor's brother, Lt. Gregory Fodor, talked about some of the funny things his "big brother" did throughout his childhood. "I can't remember any times in life that we disliked each other," he said.
One moment he had with his brother, however, will forever stick in his mind. He said the two were outside on Fodor's deck overlooking his farm. "He said, 'Ain't this great? This is all I ever wanted.'"
Later on, at another memorial service, Jerry Gavin's son, Sean would fittingly have the honor of participating in the playing of "Taps" for Mike, as many FDNY buglers were scattered far and wide at many memorials.
Sean says, "I don't know how familiar you are with "Taps," but it is similar in bearing to "The Last Post." I thought it as a fitting tribute that I was able to help in bringing honor to such a wonderful man."
Mike was a hero in life and a hero in death. It is my honour to pay tribute to this great man and to help keep his memory alive. I do so humbly and I hope I have not caused any hurt or pain to his family and freinds.
Mike is survived by his wife, Deborah Nelson Fodor; his daughter, Ashley Elizabeth; two sons, Michael Thomas and Andrew Steven; his parents and two siblings. He was 53.
Northern Ireland salutes Mike Fodor and all the victims of 9/11 at this time.
May they rest in peace.
Please visit
THIS PAGE for more tributes to the victims of 9/11
Love Divine
If you click on the above image, you can watch us rehearse "Love Divine" By Philip Stopford
I stress we were rehearsing and not performing as you will see - I spent the whole time trying to make the girls laugh - sorry ladies!!!
Soloists Lynder and Fred, Organ : Richard
Venue : Ripon Cathedral
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Email FredLabels: lynder, richard, Ripon, stopford
Gillian one of my longest suffering friends
This is her at the party she threw for her cousin home from Canada on Sunday
Prom in the Park
The Ulster Orchestra did themselves proud yet again. Fab weather and a great violinist and soprano. Andrew will remind us of the details of their names.
Oh and
Lesley Garrett was there too in her new role - "BBC Continuity" ... At one point she and Noel Thompson were thrown into a situation whereby there was too much time and not enough content! Noel (the seasoned television presenter) became seemingly stuck for words, at one point weakly asking Lesley if she would "like a cup of tea?" whilst Lesley found herself gabbling and singing like a one man band - a genuine born entertainer. I was impressed!
Me at the Prom in the Park
I look lovely don't I punters?
Hooray for Holywood
I took this picture last night from John's wedding outside the Dirty Duck in Holywood. Click on it to make it larger
I have to hand it to you Smithy - it's a lovely part of the world. But I still don't know why you go there when there are great places in Belfast to go - like erm.. the Manhatten!! Or Dempsy's!! Or the Beaten Docket!!
Labels: smithy
Countdown to Christmas
Things are great at the moment aren't they?
The summer is coming to an end with the promise of Autumn, Christmas is around the corner. The bleak mid winter will only be a few months away now and already we are eying up jumpers and cardigans in M&S
The X Factor has started on TV although I'm not sure if the format is tired yet - just have to wait and see.
"You are what you eat" has also started up again in a double bill with "How Clean is Your House". (Should I have put a question mark at the end of that? Surely it should be there?) Wednesday nights are now Freddy's telly-box-holy-grail. He might as well put up a "do not disturb" sign in the living room and board up the door. I'm about as welcome as a house call from Keith Cheqwin at 7.30 in the morning at the moment.
In case any international visitors are unsure what these UK programmes are all about, here is a quick summary:
"You are what you eat" : Small Scottish woman chases fat people with a box of poo until they cry and eat salad.
"How clean is your house" : Another small scottish woman, this time accompanied by a bigger blonde woman with hair made out of yellow skipping rope, burst through your front door and swab your bog for microbes which they grow in a lab into small trees, and then make you cry until you throw bleach all round your kitchen and clean your windows with vinagred newspaper.
So with all this to look forward to, I'm glad at least one quality product has arrived. Or been ressurrected - you decide:
FREDDY MERCURY has just released a solo album!! Don't believe me?
CLICK HERE. The best thing about this is that it has got a new rejigged version of my favourite song, BARCELONA and
I have put it up online for you to sample. Now go buy the album immediately, put your feet up, turn the telly off and listen to one of the world's greatest EVER male vocalists (including myself...)
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Things we have learned....
Big Brother Winners' Week
Slough fog-horn Jayne Kitt wore "secret support" pants to finale night. Obviously, the point of "secret" support pants is that it's meant to be a secret. No-one's supposed to know that you've dispersed your belly somewhere around your shoulder blades via the use of heavy-duty elastic. Nevertheless, Jayne shared the joy with everyone, shouting, "Look at my big pants!" For the record they were beige.
As I watched the footage of Glyn doing a "sexy photo shoot" with two peroxide dolly birds, it was possible to locate the exact microsecond when Glyn decided to put university on hold for a year. "Here's my phone number!" slavered one of the models who had two ton Pepe Le Pugh hair and silicone boobs you could park a taxi between, "Let's go partying," she purred, "I want to look after you." She didn't expand on how she'd "look after" Glyn, but clearly freshers' week disco at Bangor uni suddenly seemed like a highly moribund prospect.
Nikki made a public appearance in Brighton. She stood on a stage while hundreds of drunks filmed her with mobile phones as she shouted "Spessshhhhhhhel". After ten minutes security asked her to return to her dressing room as she was in danger of getting crushed. Nikki threw a trademark strop. Everyone laughed and said "Oh, isn't she brilliant?!" This included Nathan and Bruce, two of Pete's dog-on-a-string mates, who tagged along to "show support", despite the fact they would most probably have vomited at the mere concept of Nikki ten weeks ago.
George went go-karting for the benefit of the TV crew. George's interview was incredibly articulate. He said he hasn't made a penny from Big Brother and that he wants to be a photographer. For the last month he's been working for an interior design company, bringing joy to corners of Chelsea via the power of scatter cushions and moleskin pouffes.
Grace judged a bikini competition in Devon. Grace gets a lot of stick from the public, which she writes off as "pantomime boos". She displays no remorse for any of her vile actions. Grace and Mikey are very, very in love. Frankly, they deserve each other; at least they're not spoiling any other couples.
Lisa doesn't want to be a celebrity, she wants to be a plumber. Lisa went out on a plumbing job and freaked out all the male builders by being harder, braver, quicker and more potty-mouthed than all of them.
Spiral went home to Finglas, Dublin. His dad made him a big plate of Irish stew. Spiral is promoting his single on which he basically drones on about himself for four minutes, singing stuff like: "I'm Spiral/This is who I am/And if you don't like me/I don't give a damn." This is ironic as when he found out Ash didn't like him he sulked for three weeks. Spiral made a PA at a record shop and was mobbed by 150 squealing 11-year-olds. "I love him! I love him so much!" wept one breathless little girl.
Imogen did a stand-about-in-your-pants-looking-boss-eyed-with-lust shoot for a men's magazine. "All this is for me!" she gushed, "The studio, the stylists, the clothes, everything!" Imogen pouted, licked her lips and perched on all fours. "We're keeping it really classy!" she said.
Lea made a PA in a nightclub in Stoke. Not one person who spoke to her kept their eyes at eye level and off her gargantuan chest. More standing on a stage. More being filmed with mobile phones. More being hugged by drunks. How many nights could you be treated like a mobile freak show before you went utterly loopy?
Jayne met her agent Emma for lunch. Jayne wants her own chat show like Paul O'Grady as she thinks she's a real comic. Emma said that Jayne's celebrity "hook" is her determination to lose weight. Jayne agreed and they talked about launching a work-out video. Twelve days later, Jayne made it to the gym for the first time…then she went for a curry.
Pete went back to Brighton, where a nice, caring girl with blonde dreads and facial piercings seemed to be by his side a lot, rather than Princess Nikki who was shouting "Spessshhhhel" on a stage somewhere. Pete ran around the streets shouting "Eezermannah!" The public shouted "Eezermannah!" back. It felt like for Pete, being inside the Big Brother house was actually the safest place for him, because now, with £100,000 in his pocket, a jam-packed diary, millions of new friends and Nikki Grahame on his back, his problems have only really just begun.
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My Birthday at my Dad's
These are two of my 3 step sisters, left to right Jennifer and Louise. Louise passed her driving test recently, and Jennifer has just got her GCSE results and she passed with A*s and stuff.
My Birthday on Thurs night
Left to right, Alan and Jonny. Alan is a music student in Edinburgh University and Jonny is some kind of financial / sales analyst for a large global brewery and distributor of drink. Jonny gave me a bottle of Black Bush for my birthday which suits me very well...
Monday last week we were invited to a barbeque at Jenny and Chris's house - This is a photo of us doing our thing. Left to right is Andrew who works for the Ulster Orchestra, Lynda (or Lynder as we call her) who is a music teacher in a large school in Belfast, then Freddy who works for a bank, then Susie who also works for a bank, then Richard who prints up wedding invites and questionaires for people at the Northern Whig, and finally Mr Hutton. He works for the government here in Northern Ireland and lives in a gorgeous house right by the sea in Portavogie.
Unfortunately the rain was ridiculous at the barbeque - Chris bravely fought on with his barbeque fluid squirting everywher in a bid to keep the flames high under Richard's umbrella but they gave up and some of the food was done on the "George Formby" instead.
Here is us having the same event the year before - my how we have changed!!Labels: jenny, lynder, Mr Hutton, Northern Ireland, photos, richard
Midsommer Murders - goes choral...
Set your watches, and mark your calendars. Sunday night 3rd of September, 9.00 ITV1
The 50th episode of the popular nine-year-old English village green detective series "Midsomer Murders" involves DCI Tom Barnaby (John Nettles) in a heinous plot involving competing parish church choirs.
The cozy settings, quaint characters and leisurely pace of the 'Midsomer' series are, of course, the prime reasons for its popularity, along with the reliably familiar regulars.
Nettles is joined in the anniversary show by his beloved wife Joyce (Jane Wymark), daughter Cully (Laura Howard) and pathologist Dr. Bullard (Barry Jackson), plus Jason Hughes as Barnaby's right-hand man, DC Ben Jones.
There's the usual rich assortment of odd and eccentric country folk including a couple of rival conductors, each determined that his choir should win the upcoming choral competition. When one of the choristers is found dead, some murky practices involving local landowners and an expert forger of fine art gradually come to light.
DC Jones turns out to be a pretty good tenor and a perfect substitute for the murder victim, as Mrs. Barnaby, who is in the choir, quickly observes.
With a tuning fork found at a crime scene, birdwatchers lurking in the church graveyard at night, and the intricacies of mobile telephones all there to complicate his life, Barnaby takes his sweet time in solving yet another murder case while DC Jones, of course, does the running about.
I have been watching this show on and off for years and quite enjoy it however most all the eposodes are set in the same quaint little English village which means by now, after 50 episodes pretty much everybody in the village has either been murdered or are the muderers. A more dangerous place to live than Belfast!!
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Thanks to Mr Hutton for scanning this and to Smithy for converting it to this format for me!! If you cannot read it, click on it which will MAKE IT BIGGER.
This picture was submitted to me by a source who wishes to remain anonymous... Lookin good guys!!.jpg)
This photograph was taken at a dinner on Saturday night - our choir was fortunate enough to be singing all day for this wonderful man.
"Och, this is revolting!" crows diet-velocorapter Gillian McKeith, staring at the box of poo like it's, well, a box of poo. "This is worst the poo I've ever smelled!" shrieks the angry bag of bones, sloshing about the contents. "Poos should not smell like that! Or loooook like that either! They should look like sausages and curl out in the shape of a letter S and…"
On Tuesday September 11th 2001, Lt. Michael Fodor of Tower Ladder 21 was at his station, just back from medical leave and a day or two away from vacation.
