Things we have learned....
Big Brother Winners' WeekSlough fog-horn Jayne Kitt wore "secret support" pants to finale night. Obviously, the point of "secret" support pants is that it's meant to be a secret. No-one's supposed to know that you've dispersed your belly somewhere around your shoulder blades via the use of heavy-duty elastic. Nevertheless, Jayne shared the joy with everyone, shouting, "Look at my big pants!" For the record they were beige.
As I watched the footage of Glyn doing a "sexy photo shoot" with two peroxide dolly birds, it was possible to locate the exact microsecond when Glyn decided to put university on hold for a year. "Here's my phone number!" slavered one of the models who had two ton Pepe Le Pugh hair and silicone boobs you could park a taxi between, "Let's go partying," she purred, "I want to look after you." She didn't expand on how she'd "look after" Glyn, but clearly freshers' week disco at Bangor uni suddenly seemed like a highly moribund prospect.
Nikki made a public appearance in Brighton. She stood on a stage while hundreds of drunks filmed her with mobile phones as she shouted "Spessshhhhhhhel". After ten minutes security asked her to return to her dressing room as she was in danger of getting crushed. Nikki threw a trademark strop. Everyone laughed and said "Oh, isn't she brilliant?!" This included Nathan and Bruce, two of Pete's dog-on-a-string mates, who tagged along to "show support", despite the fact they would most probably have vomited at the mere concept of Nikki ten weeks ago.
George went go-karting for the benefit of the TV crew. George's interview was incredibly articulate. He said he hasn't made a penny from Big Brother and that he wants to be a photographer. For the last month he's been working for an interior design company, bringing joy to corners of Chelsea via the power of scatter cushions and moleskin pouffes.
Grace judged a bikini competition in Devon. Grace gets a lot of stick from the public, which she writes off as "pantomime boos". She displays no remorse for any of her vile actions. Grace and Mikey are very, very in love. Frankly, they deserve each other; at least they're not spoiling any other couples.
Lisa doesn't want to be a celebrity, she wants to be a plumber. Lisa went out on a plumbing job and freaked out all the male builders by being harder, braver, quicker and more potty-mouthed than all of them.
Spiral went home to Finglas, Dublin. His dad made him a big plate of Irish stew. Spiral is promoting his single on which he basically drones on about himself for four minutes, singing stuff like: "I'm Spiral/This is who I am/And if you don't like me/I don't give a damn." This is ironic as when he found out Ash didn't like him he sulked for three weeks. Spiral made a PA at a record shop and was mobbed by 150 squealing 11-year-olds. "I love him! I love him so much!" wept one breathless little girl.
Imogen did a stand-about-in-your-pants-looking-boss-eyed-with-lust shoot for a men's magazine. "All this is for me!" she gushed, "The studio, the stylists, the clothes, everything!" Imogen pouted, licked her lips and perched on all fours. "We're keeping it really classy!" she said.
Lea made a PA in a nightclub in Stoke. Not one person who spoke to her kept their eyes at eye level and off her gargantuan chest. More standing on a stage. More being filmed with mobile phones. More being hugged by drunks. How many nights could you be treated like a mobile freak show before you went utterly loopy?
Jayne met her agent Emma for lunch. Jayne wants her own chat show like Paul O'Grady as she thinks she's a real comic. Emma said that Jayne's celebrity "hook" is her determination to lose weight. Jayne agreed and they talked about launching a work-out video. Twelve days later, Jayne made it to the gym for the first time…then she went for a curry.
Pete went back to Brighton, where a nice, caring girl with blonde dreads and facial piercings seemed to be by his side a lot, rather than Princess Nikki who was shouting "Spessshhhhel" on a stage somewhere. Pete ran around the streets shouting "Eezermannah!" The public shouted "Eezermannah!" back. It felt like for Pete, being inside the Big Brother house was actually the safest place for him, because now, with £100,000 in his pocket, a jam-packed diary, millions of new friends and Nikki Grahame on his back, his problems have only really just begun.
Labels: Big Brother, New Year
posted by Freddy @ Wednesday, September 06, 2006
Comments: 1
