Nostradamus lives
I think it is interesting to look back at
THIS POST with all my X factor predictions and thoughts way back at show one of the series.
I don't mean to brag but I got it all right the whole way through!! Is it me?
© 2006 Fredordead
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Ray from the X Factor
Exclusive pictures of Ray before he was famous for wiggling his arse in tight jeans on Saturday nights....
© 2006 Fredordead
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The lineup on tomorrow's X Factor... according to Holymoly
Ray: La Vida Loca (with dancers)
Robert: You Are Not Alone (with choir)
Leona: Bridge Over Troubled Water (with choir)
Ben: With a Little Help From My Friends (with piano)
McCuntyChopBros: Love is All Around (With the whole world apart from Scotland wishing them syphilis)
Eton Rd: I Don't Feel Like Dancing (with Louis looking on hiding an erection.)
© 2006 Fredordead
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Thank the lord for blessing me... PUKE.
There's no doubting that Ashley McKenzie has star quality - he looks cool, he refuses to follow the pack - he wears pearls around his neck and he has curly wurly sideshow bob hair.
However, unless there was a line in the song that Ashley sang on Saturday's X Factor that actually goes "um ber ber ber-ber ber,shit" it's pretty clear that Ashley was fairly unprepared for his "fabulous night for a moondance"
Luckily, ever the pro, Ashley skillfully drew attention away from his mistake by doing a little sex-dance and then proceeded to thank the Lord for blessing him.
That's when people stopped voting for Ashley, because boasting about being blessed when you have a shit haircut and a forgetful brain is something that gets right up the noses of Saturday teatime ITV viewers.
Labels: X Factor
It's all kicking off...
Sorry this is late - I had intended to talk about X factor before now but what with Smithy's party over the weekend I have not had time. But we really need to start getting hyped up about this programme as I believe it really has kicked off big time this year... up until Sat night it was a little stale - and suddenly "BAM" !! It got all exciting... or did it?
Remember before the live X Factor shows started, when there was a lot of talk about everything being completely different on X Factor this year? Well on Saturday night, everything was different. Everything!!!
And by 'everything' we mean that Lionel Richie showed his big smug face for about eight seconds and read out too much information from a card before being silenced by Kate...
Simon Cowell now has his shirt unbuttoned all the way to his belly button. Major, major changes. How are we expected to go back after that?
Robert Allen was first up. Faced with having to try and sell perhaps the most anonymous X Factor contestant in the show's history to an already-overloaded public, what did Sharon Osbourne do? She only stuck Robert Allen on first, where he'd be most likely to be forgotten. And - let's be fair - the world would be a better place if everyone forgot Robert's X Factor performance of All Night Long, which involved him screaming "Let's clap people, then, UH!" and "Woo, if you know it, sing!" like a Butlins redcoat. After the song, Robert Allen flitted backwards and forwards between hyperactive joy and hysterical weeping. Everyone said he was great marvellous super best thing since sliced bread. I'm going to wait and see....
Eton Road - I wish I had Louis Walsh's brain, because I'd love to know what he is now thinking about Eton Road. He didn't want them initially - but because he was conned by some production team with a pre-fab boy band, who had to be disqualified, all of a sudden ETON ROAD are now his great white hope. Eton Road sang My Girl on Saturday's X Factor, but they fell down when each member clearly started to try to out-sing everyone else in the group. Simon Cowell called Eton Road "odd," This means that when the lead singer sings, he takes on a posture like a 1950s cartoon housewife who's seen a mouse in her kitchen. He is fascinating though, and there is no doubt in my mind that ETON ROAD will change immeasurably over the next few weeks as Louis does a major revamp on them. Louis is counting on them now - the two scottish tall glasses of milk are not going to win it for them that's for sure.
Nikitta Angus - You'll know who Nikitta Angus is; she's one of the X Factor contestants with a "back story" - she has a dead Mum. As tragic as that undoubtedly is, mentioning it within seconds of her X Factor video intro did seem like she was over-egging things a little. I know that may offend some people but it is just the first case of "politics" and not the last. They are all seemingly anxious at this stage to sell their emotions as part of the game and it annoys me. More of this subject later. I suppose this is not new. Remember Andy "THE BIN MAN WITH YOUNG CHILDREN" from last year?? Admittedly, during her performance, Nikitta set this issue aside and looked like she was having the time of her life. Shame, then, that Nikitta sounded like a wasp in a wind tunnel all the way through her song. Which we can't even remember the name of. That doesn't exactly bode well for the future, does it?
Raymond Quinn - In an obvious attempt to pander to the droves of housewives who watch X Factor, Simon Cowell brylcreemed the life out of Raymond's hair and made him sing Ben, a weepy song about a dead rat. Unfortunately his vocals were simply all over the place. However, Simon Cowell said that Raymond is in possession of a little something called 'likability.' True - which is why he'll be in the last few in my view... unless he makes some major mistake like forgetting to smile which I don't think he will. Prepare for much footage of Raymond out playing football with his chums and family, visiting his granny and generally being a "likable" youth.
Ashley McKenzie - I think it will not be long before we see this chap doing a live cover of the Crazy Frog ringtone tune. Think about it - he looks exactly like the crazy frog. If you gave him one of those leather hats and put him on a motor bike he'd BE the crazy frog. However, despite his slightly kinky twin set and pearls, Ashley McKenzie made a fairly eventless standard run through, singing Easy Like Sunday Morning and "making it his own". By 'making it his own' I of course mean that Ashley sang "I'm izzy lakka sundiy morrrnan" instead of actual words that are in the English language. But - hey - it worked for him, so who are we to take the piss? His tuning was all over the place but no-one picked up on it because the judges don't seem to hear tuning problems (unless they are trying to tactically "comment" the other judges act out...)
Leona Lewis - Leona Lewis is a very good singer - she must be, because she does that annoying Mariah Carey 'aaaoooooh' thing at every single opportunity she gets. Since she was singing I'll Be There on Saturday's X Factor, that meant she could go 'aaaoooooh' about a thousand billion times. And do "Jazz Hands" a bunch of times. And then instantly burst into tears the moment it was over. Leona Lewis is obviously being set up as the winner of X Factor - Leonna is the subject of much Simon Cowell frothing. She's 'special' apparently, maybe even special enough to be allowed to release two singles after X Factor ends instead of just one.
Ben Mills - Imagine, if you will, that for one reason or another you're shitting out a rock-hard turd the size and shape of a rugby ball that's inexplicably been studded with shards of broken glass. Now imagine the sort of noise that'd come out of your mouth if you had to do this. Chances are it'd sound exactly like how Ben Mills sings - his X Factor performance of Tracks Of My Tears on Saturday consisted solely of him roaring like a lion with a van on its paw. To be fair to Ben, this approach won the X Factor judges over. They said he was like Rod Stewart. At least, we think that was a compliment… Next week is Rod Stewart week. Wouldn't it be funny if Rod Stewart (who I imagine is turning up) absoltely hated Ben??
So there you have it - the characters have been introduced to you - who do you all think will win this year? Who do you like? Who do you hate? Answers on a comment please...
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Remember Gareth Gates??
Well of course you do - as well as being the runner-up in the first series of Pop Idol, Gareth Gates was also the subject of the joke about the boy who went to a shop for a Mars Bar and came out an hour later with 50 packs of M&Ms....
Most of us had happily filed Gareth Gates away in a drawer marked 'reality show hasbeens'.
BUT NO!!! - as the new Gareth Gates documentary series is hoping to prove.
Gareth Gates shot to fame in 2002 thanks to Pop Idol and Simon Cowell. He was the shiny faced, spiky-haired boy only able to conquer his stuttering by singing old Westlife songs. He had a great "back story" more of "back stories" to come here on Fredordead. "Back stories" are more important than talent on X factor / Pop idol / Celebrity Pet Jungle How Clean Is Your Bee Hive. Such was the power of little Gareth Gates' appeal that he almost won the first series of Pop Idol, and only failed to because of an organised protest vote for his fellow talented Pop Idol finalist Will Young (eh eh oooooow)
As "Pop Idol" runner-up, Gareth Gates got to sing Unchained Melody - and sell 1.3 million copies of the single - before slipping away into obscurity thanks to a succession of dreadful cover versions, badly thought-out second albums and all sorts of tabloid headlines about sleeping with pikey model Jordan.
Well, start forgetting that you ever forgot Gareth Gates - this time his comeback is real, and horribly ubiquitous-sounding.
See BBC News: Vote for Freddy every visit!! Click Here!!Email FredLabels: X Factor
The X Factor - "boot camp" rounds
The X Factor - "boot camp" rounds
As 180 acts are slashed to just 24 in The X Factor, Sharon Osbourne is being assisted in the over-25s group by vocal coach Mark Hudson; a man with a silly turquoise beard dressed like Bertie Bassett. (Mark's face-fungus anomaly is never explained.)
Sharon's boot camp is full of tear-jerking tales. There's "blown-up-by-a-bomb" woman and "my-mum's-dead-ill-and-I'm-her-carer" bloke. Next to them there's "I-broke-my-spine-but-watch-me-shimmy-to-Kylie" lady, and a scary Brummie woman who cries a lot as her poor kiddies have never experienced life "in a big house with electric gates".
"Doing it all for me kiddies" is a common X Factor drone. I wish people would just be honest and say: "I'm doing this cos of my pig-headed urge to stand on a raised platform and murder Show Me Heaven by Maria McKee in every enormodome in Britain on the X Factor tour. I've no idea how "me kiddies" fit into that.
Sharon's final eight include Katie, who we're reminded in tragic tones every five minutes has "worked at the same factory for 20 years" and Kerry,a chirpy, determined lady in a wheelchair whose main disability seems to be the producers playing Kate Bush's This Woman's Work mournfully in the background whenever she appears.
Simon Cowell, supervising the under-24s, puts through Shaun, a child who's never yet managed to sing a whole song without dissolving into terrified blubbing (and when he does squeeze out a line sounds like Orville after a heavy punishment beating by Cuddles).
Louis Walsh is mentoring the groups. He puts through my current top X Factor favourites: Scouse boyband Eaton Road (three camp boys in vests). Louis also puts through the Unconventionals, a seven-piece middle-England a cappella group, who bing and bong their way through Queen hits with ghoulish glee.
Obviously, none of this matters, as pretty boy Ashley with the long afro from Simon's group will win anyway. Bulletin over.
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Have you been watching the X Factor?
X Factor rejects Adam and Chrstian Neroni have been accused of issuing threats to show producers.
The twins auditioned as part of boyband The Brothers but ended up trying to impress Louis Walsh as a pair after falling out with bandmates Noel and Mark Agyei. Viewers saw Adam and Christian sent home last night during the boot camp stage, while their former friends made it to Walsh's final eight.
A source told The People: "The boys have been calling up and being really nasty. They have been saying things like, 'You want to watch your back' and 'You should be running scared' to the producers.
"It has been vile and offensive and they are just horrible people. They are arrogant and argumentative. We have never known anything like it on the show."
Defending his decision to send the boys home, Louis explained: "The Neroni twins showed a lack of commitment and their attitude was all wrong. They didn't have what it takes to make it in the music business - while the Aygei Brothers worked hard and showed they were determined."
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Countdown to Christmas
Things are great at the moment aren't they?
The summer is coming to an end with the promise of Autumn, Christmas is around the corner. The bleak mid winter will only be a few months away now and already we are eying up jumpers and cardigans in M&S
The X Factor has started on TV although I'm not sure if the format is tired yet - just have to wait and see.
"You are what you eat" has also started up again in a double bill with "How Clean is Your House". (Should I have put a question mark at the end of that? Surely it should be there?) Wednesday nights are now Freddy's telly-box-holy-grail. He might as well put up a "do not disturb" sign in the living room and board up the door. I'm about as welcome as a house call from Keith Cheqwin at 7.30 in the morning at the moment.
In case any international visitors are unsure what these UK programmes are all about, here is a quick summary:
"You are what you eat" : Small Scottish woman chases fat people with a box of poo until they cry and eat salad.
"How clean is your house" : Another small scottish woman, this time accompanied by a bigger blonde woman with hair made out of yellow skipping rope, burst through your front door and swab your bog for microbes which they grow in a lab into small trees, and then make you cry until you throw bleach all round your kitchen and clean your windows with vinagred newspaper.
So with all this to look forward to, I'm glad at least one quality product has arrived. Or been ressurrected - you decide:
FREDDY MERCURY has just released a solo album!! Don't believe me?
CLICK HERE. The best thing about this is that it has got a new rejigged version of my favourite song, BARCELONA and
I have put it up online for you to sample. Now go buy the album immediately, put your feet up, turn the telly off and listen to one of the world's greatest EVER male vocalists (including myself...)
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Odd time of the year...
It's an odd time of year don't you think? For a start there seems to be little to get excited about. I don't just mean that the holidays are all over and Christmas is too far away. I'm refering at the moment to your Tellybox.
I mean look at it - Big Brother 7 has come and gone. Our Sky Plus planners have never looked more bleak. Poor Fred has resorted to putting Most Haunted on series link again and apart from a few documentaries about how to raise toddlers or how to claen your bog etc, there is very little to watch during the week. We even taped a programme about the life of a battery chicken shown on BBC4 - I am not joking.
The oddest thing is that the only programmes on all week that are worth watching are both on at the SAME TIME on a Saturday night. I refer of course to Pop Stars the Rivals Pop Idol - oops sorry I mean X Factor and my own personal favourite programme ever, "How do you solve a problem like Maria". Why the bloomin bum-hole do they have to be on at the same time???
Our international audience (well OK you have me there, there isn't one apart from our Lisa in NZ) will be saying to themselves, what the hell is "How do you solve a problem like Maria"?
It's a programme where they audition thousands of girls from the UK on live TV before giving one of them the part of Maria Von Trap in "The Sound of Music" at London's West End and paying them huge amounts of money.
Does that sound camp? Well it's even more camp than it sounds. At the end of each show the "evictee" girl who didn't quite have enough jam and bread to get through doh to soh gets a rather amusing send off. The other Maria wannabees all line up and sing "So Long, Farewell, I bid you all Adieu!!" I promise you it is a lot more dramatic than any episode of "The Bill"
But aside from the TV I get the impression that everyone is a bit restless.
So today's question is, what have we all got to look forward to? Please leave your comments - make them nice and positive - about what you are particularly excited about doing. I await your stories with interest....
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My Rant
Fred is in the room next door watching a bloody Kylie Minogue concert on a DVD he has got from someone for Christmas. I bloody hate Kylie Minogue. I can hear her from this room singing "OVER THE RAINBOW" and she is truly pants. The final stanza, "If happy little bluebirds fly above the rainbow WHY OH WHY CAN'T I???" is being slowed way down for dramatic effect and belted out at the top of her tinny, metalic, nasal, doubletracked over reverb and chorus effect untrained voice. No amount of spangly twinkly twangly outfit and "sexy" plastic bottom could dress up this bilge.
Kylie Minogue initially hauled herself up on the back of a very cheap and at the time fairly dodgy Australian soap, nicked all Madonna's stuff and was caught out by the public nearly as quickly as Jason Donovan lost his hair. Her and Jason WERE the essence of dumbed down Britain at the time. However after a few years, music with substance became somehow popular - this was a temporary thing - and Kylie slinked off to Japan and trundled out some shite till she was dumped by her label. Jason joined a west end musical and then seemingly disappeared.
Kylie is now described in the media as making a "comeback" for a good reason. She was abandoned in the mid nineties by her public - she admits this. Britain had remembered albeit only briefly how to have musical taste. Pete Waterman et al stopped releasing crud and quality became miraculously important to British music listeners.
Now for the last three years or so Kylie (and her types) are BACK!! Maybe this is because our taste has got to that stage again. Maybe X factor Britain is hungry once again for production over talent. But don't worry, mainstream good musical taste is also making a comeback - It's true I read it in Vogue....
I would like to ask the question - What point has Kylie Minogue ever made? She has never once "said" anything - never stood up for anything - never declared her hand on any subject. When interviewed it's all about Scott Robinson and Charlene or any subject that doesn't mean anything or have any side of the fence. I think it is part of a celebrity / artist's duty to have a stand on at least SOMETHING otherwise it's a real waste of a public profile. Bland bland bland. Not even a great voice. Does anyone out there have any idea what Kylie Minogue THINKS of anything? It's an honest question - feel free to respond. I can't think of a thing.
Now I don't want to get all "Madonna" on you all, because I know that some of you can't stand her. But Madonna is an artist with many layers not just the spangles. Hell yes - she divides opinion - that's her forte. She deliberately challenges people to at least think about things and at the same time belt out her songs. Her "American Life" song in her last tour was accompanied not by Madonna on stage on a trapese in a twinkly spangly outfit and spotlight (a la Kylie "Over the Rainbow") but rather with Madonna and entourage in full military costume with graphic scenes of people in a war situation on the screens behind her. "I'm just living out the American dream and I've just realised that nothing is what it seems" she screamed at the crowds as the helicopters and missiles roared overhead. It wasn't pleasant to watch. It was however exciting and challenging. This is mainstream music that at least means something.
Please spangle away Kylie Minogue but next time make your "come back" for a reason and let's hear what you actually think. Be daring and use your enormous profile to make people think. And if you do have a stand on something - make it a lot louder because I haven't yet heard it.
Labels: X Factor
The Tabloid Factor
OH MY GOD IT'S SO EXCITING!!!
Actually no it isn't. I never thought I would say this but I am not really all that interestesd in the final of X Factor tomorrow night.
I will watch of course albeit on sky plus later as we have a concert on on Sat but I won't be excited.
It really started with Maria. When she was booted out I realised that this was no talent contest. The X Factor is in fact a POPULARITY contest on a massive scale. It's also a POLITICAL contest they even have party political broadcasts played before each politician goes on stage to deliver. The final straw was poor Brenda who was simply STUNNING last week and yet she got the chop.
"Vote for me because I don't want to go back to being a bin man!!"
"Vote for me because I'm Irish!!!"
"Vote for me because we want to annoy Simon"
"Vote for me because here are my children, and with their puppy dog eyes how can you not!!"
"Vote for me and if you do I'll show you all my washboard stomach"
"Vote for me because I'm desperate"
Have you heard any contestants NOT making a plea to camera that relates to something political?? Yes you have. Brenda. Not once did she take a political stance. Not once did she say Vote for me - I'm a bit larger (A la Michelle McManus) Not once did she involve her town / city of origin - and where did it get her? The mysterious, inexplicable and undeserved boot.
It surely makes you realise that beneath all the glitz and glamour, the X Factor has a sinister but simple message; The non-thinking public are easily manipulated. Pity me I'm a bin man. OK then we'll vote for you on THAT basis. Wake up Britain - HE'LL NEVER BE A BIN MAN AGAIN NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!!!
A sob story or minority trump card or even the sight of a sexy mid-rif and the public vote in droves. Yes Shayne is gorgeous and he has a good voice but let's face it he has a lot of work to do to even get close to what Brenda came up with last week. Will he win? Yes of course. Is he the best? No but he is the cutest.
Also perhaps more concerning is the thought that media moguls like Simon Cowell et al are quite literally manipulating the public with this stuff. It makes you realise what Max Clifford (and not just him but thousands of other PR types) do for a living and just how blatantly they are doing it.
Democracy is a fine thing ladies and gents but never credit the general public with any taste and certainly any sense. The Sun readership will always have their way under democracy and that means tits on page three and sensationalised made up crap everywhere else. The masses are the cause of dumbed down Britain and the truth is scary: We're not dumbing down - we've always been dumb.
Labels: X Factor
This week's most interesting referrals
As you may know I can see you all. I can see when you look at my site and I can see what you click....
Actually that's not strictly true - the info is limited and anyone can access it not just me. The only thing I can actually do is guess what your IP address is telling me. However I can see why people have come to Freds if they came from a search engine such as Yahoo or Google. Some of this week's most interesting referrals are fascinating!!. If you click these links you will see what people were looking for when they "happened upon" Fred's.
"Drugs kept me from being a terrorist:kelly brook december coverJade Goody Stealing from Asdanicolas dorsett lifestyle now that he had left x factor"jeff brazier" suckchico "is chico time" song lyricschico blowjob picture x-factorchico slimari gayLabels: Jade Goody, X Factor
Who is going to win the X Factor This Saturday??
Labels: X Factor
X Factor Poll
The X Factor Survey has just been reset so get your votes in now on the box on the right even if you have voted before. Remember you are voting out the person you want to see ELIMINATED.
Labels: X Factor
X Factor Poll
Don't forget about our little X Factor Poll on the right hand side - apparantly according to the votes Andy is your next contestant to be binned??
Andy?? Surely not??
Get Voting.
(Shane has won already if you ask me....)
Labels: X Factor
I've quit my job!!!
I decided on Saturday afternoon at about 6.00 that enough is enough. So I have SENSATIONALLY QUIT!!! I can't take it any more. I'm not putting up with it - it's over.
On Sunday evening at about 9.00 at night however I'm going to SENSATIONALLY REJOIN the payroll of my employer and they can buy me flowers and lick my face and tell me how delighted they are that I'm back!!!
Oh how we missed Louis Walsh when he QUIT. It was an abomination, a travesty, an outrage. Small children were crying in the street. Not since the breakup of the Spice Girls did we as a nation join so unanimously in grief for what could have been.
So it was no surprise then on Saturday night to see Kate Thornton open the show milking this for all it was worth. Dressed in an open blouse, black trousers and a belt borrowed from a World Wrestling Federation champion, she cooked up a real drama over whether the twat would actually turn up. Simon came on first, followed by Sharon, but would Louis join them? You could cut the atmosphere with a very blunt rolling pin. Oh my GOD!! Surprise surprise, Louis turned up, saying that the pressure just got too much for him and he had to step out of it for a while. "It was not a publicity stunt" (he's right it wasn't just a pram toy situation)
First up, presumably to get the full horror out of the way as soon as possible, was Chico. For him, last week was "the first time I felt I had every right to be on that stage", showing that while he may lack any discernable talent, his skills in self delusion are more than impressive. Chico decided that the best way to show off his limited vocal range was to struggle his way through Michael Jackson's Billie Jean. "I reckon I was 20% as good as Michael", he rather generously, and unjustifiably proudly, reviewed himself. Once again for this he was joined by a dancing child - are we to think that this tacky stunt is going to be repeated every week from now until he eventually gets booted out of the show, unless someone goes out there and breaks the legs of every child in the country?
Next up were the fabulous Colon Sisters. "I wasn't even sure if they'd turn up or not", mused Simon apathetically on the VT. The girls did Starship's Nothing's Gonna Stop us Now, changing the lyrics from "If this world runs out of lovers" to "If this world runs out of loving", presumably to avoid the incestuous lesbiotic connotations that it might otherwise imply. God the Colons in bed with each other. There's a thought....
"I don't want my dad to be a binman", stated one of Andy's kids during his intro section, despite the fact that being a binman is a far less embarassing occupation than being the X Factor winner. Andy gave us "I Have Nothing by Whitney Houston" and, complete with dramatic false start. "I don't think it was your best performance", said Simon. "Fuck off" said Andy. OK so he didn't but wouldn't it be great if he had??
Then we learn that the reason Louis returned was not contractual or concerned with money. Oh no. In fact, it was because of Shayne, his one remaining act. Shayne is apparantly such a great talent that Louis Walsh didn't want to let him down. As Shayne recounted his reaction to Louis' decision to 'quit' he took the opportunity to indulge in the sort of acting skills which may well be mediocre enough to get him a job on Hollyoaks, should this whole music thing fall through. Also, his mum is called Philomena, which is quite, quite fantastic. Philomena wailed and bubbled perfectly on the VT and didn't make me want to wretch once.
Presumably to show off his falsetto, Shayne this week then gave us a run through of The Darkness' I Believe in a Thing Called Love. It wasn't a good idea. Simon thought it was. "You pulled it off, it should have been a disaster" It was a disaster and the funniest bit was when Shayne went into the audience to do a touchy feely with the girls in the front row, clearly disturbed and unable to look comfortable. Wonder why?
Next up was Brenda, and a copy of Whitney Houston's Greatest Hits has clearly been doing the rounds in the X Factor offices as she gave us I Will Always Love You, though she had slightly more claim to this as apparently it is her and her husband's 'song'. Despite the fact this should clearly have been a vomit inducing spectacle, it was something really rather special. "You've got some balls", (presumably Shayne's) declared Sharon, showing a failure to grasp the fundamentals of human anatomy.
Last, but not least were Journey South, men who would probably wear jeans to a funeral. They continued to work their way through their pub band repertoire with U2's I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For. Robson is clearly just miming his guitar now, at one point impressively still strumming away despite the guitar part having dropped out. "You get on with the job", said Simon. And he is right - they looked like two electricians on a stage thumping out a U2 song.
Predictably Chico and The Colon Sisters found themselves in the last two. Chico was up at first and reprised the whole sorry performance, including the dancing boy and the inexplicable "Oh not you again" from Chico.
During the Colon's second shot, the judges could be seen arguing away, rather than actually listening to the song. Sharon sent the Colons home, while Simon, both surprisingly and unsurprisingly, did exactly the same thing. There were tears from one of the Colons, before she somewhat irrelevantly, ranted "I love Ireland, it's the number one country in the world", before going on to thank Louis for being their true mentor throughout the contest. They'll never know - as Louis never got asked for his vote which is just as well (and rather amusing as he sat there having been deprived of his big "dramatic decision" - which was exactly why Simon did what he did)
The surprise act to be given the boot tonight however was the biggest problem of the show to date: "The Judges"
We were told at the end of the show that from next week on it's a true public vote every week. This makes a lot of sense for two reasons. Firstly it means that the judges are now completely castrated - which is the way it should have been all along. You can't be a panel of three judges if you always have two acts aligned to a judge each - it never ever made sense. Maria left the contest prematurely due to this flawed system.
So goodbye Sharon, Louis and Simon - from now on the process is totally democratic. However the real reason that this is happening (I reckon) is that it means Cowell collects the proceeds of two telephone votes because we'll all be making two calls!! I reckon next weeks format will be all acts do a number and the lowest two are announced and then we all vote again as a play off but I could be wrong... We'll just have to wait till next week to find out.
In the meantime I've reset the votes on the right - vote for your elimination now with the sorry candidates who are left...
Labels: X Factor
As I am the King of X Factor (and all matters camp) - I have resisted all temptation to make an attempt at indepth analysis of "That Jungle Programme" - I do camp not camp-fires.
However my good friend MARDI BUM is keen to give her opinions on a regular basis for fans of little Ant and Dec and their outback backchat.
Visit her
HERE and be amused on a daily basis!! Bookmark her for God's sake - she's hilarious!!!
Labels: X Factor
X Factor's Watery Grave
So what did you think - Did you agree?? The poll suggested you did - You all accurately evicted Nicholas on the vote page (which has now been reset.)
Results were as follows:
Nicholas (4)
36%
Chico (3)
27%
The Conway Sisters (3)
27%
Journey South (1)
9%
Andy (0)
0%
Brenda (0)
0%
Shayne (0)
0%
Louis' introduction - "He's a young guy, he's called Nicholas" - was a piece of genius in his ever improving library of slick aerudite TV linkage. Afterwards Louis, damning with faint praise stated, "Well a lot of it was in tune."
Nicholas just nodded and kissed Kate a lot smiling and not realising that his adjudication had been quite the worst seen on X factor. If Simon AND Sharon are both in agreement about the "tooning" (even if they both thought Nicholas was FLAT when in fact any truly musical person will confirm to you that he was horrendously SHARP throughout his performance) then you should simply not be there. I'm amazed the guy lasted that long in the competition undetected.
But what about the water incident?? Sharon, my "good fairy" in the pantomime crushed the wicked witch of the west, namely Evil Louis by throwing water all over him and his fake empty laptop (note that there were no health and safety production team members rushing to the stage to get Louis away from impending electrocution. Audience goes mad. They would do that anyway as the audience is so coked up that they would give a standing ovation to one of the Conway Sisters hacking up a fur ball....
Meanwhile I couldn't help wondering how much damage this shenanagans was doing to the show's credibility. Firstly it all seemed staged?? Am I right?? Secondly I am getting really fed up with the judges bickering. The end of X factor last year had a result which it was widely felt depended a lot on the final night showdown between Sharon and Simon. It was felt Steve Brookstein got a sympathy vote for being attacked so vociferiously by Sharon, and that was validated when G4 turned out the selling platinum album, while Steve Brooksteain turned up doing PA's in pubs in tiny villages. I reckon the judges are what will end the success of the show if they are not careful. It's already difficult for me to envisage a third series of this show now as the pantomime is getting just too obvious to be taken seriously.
Boo Hiss!! Kill that evil Louis.
"That was fantastic!", said Simon, though it was unclear if he was referring to the water throwing or the Journey South performance. If it was the latter, he was lying.
By some kind of miracle, underneath a glitter ball - well, standing in front of a projection of one anyway - was Brenda, who went all disco-tastic on us with Donna Summer's Last Dance. It was a little bit throaty in places, but overall she shone, and her ever decreasing boobs shaking at the end helped her to win our hearts. Diet and exercise video next Christmas if nothing else.
As for Shayne - well!! All I can say is that here at Fred and Freds we did notice that there were a couple of shots of Shayne with his shirt off during the into VT....
Take That's A Million Love Songs was his song of choice, and that was perfect as Shayne has to be the gayest speaker in the world. If he isn't gay then I'm an National Irish Team Rugby player and Freddy is Tina Turner.
But then it was CHICO TIME!!!
"You can get delirious, you take life too serious"
"Go Chico, go Chico, go" (literally)
I am leaving it up to you to tell me what you think as I don't want to divide the nation with my views. However, Simon distilled it when he said "Horribly Fantastic"
Yes I do know that it will probably go to number one in the not too distant future (and according to one friend of mine who will remain nameless, so will Peter Andre and Jordan with "A Whole New World from Children in Need which says it all...
Chico's Chicettes got an adjudication seemingly and then to add insult to injury, Chico repeated ad nauseum the lyrics and "message" of his song after his adjudication, so that slow audience members would truly understand what Chico was standing up for tonight.
Not since the invention of "Girl Power" have we had a "concept" so radical. Truly inspirational stuff for me and really gave me a lot to think about. You know I HAVE been feeling slightly delirious recently and now thanks to Chico I think I know why. Certainly food for thought.
Needless to say that Nicholas went and deservedly so. Even the Moggies did a better job than he did. Frankly Sharon's "difficult" decision would have been no less difficult if I had walked on to the stage with two coconut halves strapped around my nipples complete with grass skirt on and sang "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" with the cast from Emmerdale singing backing vocals. I would still have been a classier and more credible act. Nicholas's crass made up hooting second time round was in even more out of "toon" - and with that he was shown his "best bits" and a nation wept as we bade him farewell.
ANYWAY WHO WILL GO NEXT WEEK? VOTE NOW ON THE LEFT - let's get it right this week again!!!
Labels: New Year, rant, X Factor
The X Factor - "boot camp" rounds
Simon Cowell, supervising the under-24s, puts through Shaun, a child who's never yet managed to sing a whole song without dissolving into terrified blubbing (and when he does squeeze out a line sounds like Orville after a heavy punishment beating by Cuddles).
Now I don't want to get all "Madonna" on you all, because I know that some of you can't stand her. But Madonna is an artist with many layers not just the spangles. Hell yes - she divides opinion - that's her forte. She deliberately challenges people to at least think about things and at the same time belt out her songs. Her "American Life" song in her last tour was accompanied not by Madonna on stage on a trapese in a twinkly spangly outfit and spotlight (a la Kylie "Over the Rainbow") but rather with Madonna and entourage in full military costume with graphic scenes of people in a war situation on the screens behind her. "I'm just living out the American dream and I've just realised that nothing is what it seems" she screamed at the crowds as the helicopters and missiles roared overhead. It wasn't pleasant to watch. It was however exciting and challenging. This is mainstream music that at least means something.
OH MY GOD IT'S SO EXCITING!!!
Also perhaps more concerning is the thought that media moguls like Simon Cowell et al are quite literally manipulating the public with this stuff. It makes you realise what Max Clifford (and not just him but thousands of other PR types) do for a living and just how blatantly they are doing it.
