Sunday, November 20, 2005

X Factor's Watery Grave

So what did you think - Did you agree?? The poll suggested you did - You all accurately evicted Nicholas on the vote page (which has now been reset.)

Results were as follows:

Nicholas (4)
36%
Chico (3)
27%
The Conway Sisters (3)
27%
Journey South (1)
9%
Andy (0)
0%
Brenda (0)
0%
Shayne (0)
0%

Louis' introduction - "He's a young guy, he's called Nicholas" - was a piece of genius in his ever improving library of slick aerudite TV linkage. Afterwards Louis, damning with faint praise stated, "Well a lot of it was in tune."

Nicholas just nodded and kissed Kate a lot smiling and not realising that his adjudication had been quite the worst seen on X factor. If Simon AND Sharon are both in agreement about the "tooning" (even if they both thought Nicholas was FLAT when in fact any truly musical person will confirm to you that he was horrendously SHARP throughout his performance) then you should simply not be there. I'm amazed the guy lasted that long in the competition undetected.

But what about the water incident?? Sharon, my "good fairy" in the pantomime crushed the wicked witch of the west, namely Evil Louis by throwing water all over him and his fake empty laptop (note that there were no health and safety production team members rushing to the stage to get Louis away from impending electrocution. Audience goes mad. They would do that anyway as the audience is so coked up that they would give a standing ovation to one of the Conway Sisters hacking up a fur ball....

Meanwhile I couldn't help wondering how much damage this shenanagans was doing to the show's credibility. Firstly it all seemed staged?? Am I right?? Secondly I am getting really fed up with the judges bickering. The end of X factor last year had a result which it was widely felt depended a lot on the final night showdown between Sharon and Simon. It was felt Steve Brookstein got a sympathy vote for being attacked so vociferiously by Sharon, and that was validated when G4 turned out the selling platinum album, while Steve Brooksteain turned up doing PA's in pubs in tiny villages. I reckon the judges are what will end the success of the show if they are not careful. It's already difficult for me to envisage a third series of this show now as the pantomime is getting just too obvious to be taken seriously.

Boo Hiss!! Kill that evil Louis.

"That was fantastic!", said Simon, though it was unclear if he was referring to the water throwing or the Journey South performance. If it was the latter, he was lying.

By some kind of miracle, underneath a glitter ball - well, standing in front of a projection of one anyway - was Brenda, who went all disco-tastic on us with Donna Summer's Last Dance. It was a little bit throaty in places, but overall she shone, and her ever decreasing boobs shaking at the end helped her to win our hearts. Diet and exercise video next Christmas if nothing else.

As for Shayne - well!! All I can say is that here at Fred and Freds we did notice that there were a couple of shots of Shayne with his shirt off during the into VT....
Take That's A Million Love Songs was his song of choice, and that was perfect as Shayne has to be the gayest speaker in the world. If he isn't gay then I'm an National Irish Team Rugby player and Freddy is Tina Turner.

But then it was CHICO TIME!!!
"You can get delirious, you take life too serious"
"Go Chico, go Chico, go" (literally)

I am leaving it up to you to tell me what you think as I don't want to divide the nation with my views. However, Simon distilled it when he said "Horribly Fantastic"

Yes I do know that it will probably go to number one in the not too distant future (and according to one friend of mine who will remain nameless, so will Peter Andre and Jordan with "A Whole New World from Children in Need which says it all...

Chico's Chicettes got an adjudication seemingly and then to add insult to injury, Chico repeated ad nauseum the lyrics and "message" of his song after his adjudication, so that slow audience members would truly understand what Chico was standing up for tonight.

Not since the invention of "Girl Power" have we had a "concept" so radical. Truly inspirational stuff for me and really gave me a lot to think about. You know I HAVE been feeling slightly delirious recently and now thanks to Chico I think I know why. Certainly food for thought.

Needless to say that Nicholas went and deservedly so. Even the Moggies did a better job than he did. Frankly Sharon's "difficult" decision would have been no less difficult if I had walked on to the stage with two coconut halves strapped around my nipples complete with grass skirt on and sang "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" with the cast from Emmerdale singing backing vocals. I would still have been a classier and more credible act. Nicholas's crass made up hooting second time round was in even more out of "toon" - and with that he was shown his "best bits" and a nation wept as we bade him farewell.

ANYWAY WHO WILL GO NEXT WEEK? VOTE NOW ON THE LEFT - let's get it right this week again!!!

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posted by Freddy @ Sunday, November 20, 2005 Comments: 5

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