Big Bother!!
No doubt you feel, as I do that the company we'll be keeping this summer is dubious indeed.Last night 14 "average" brits walked into a large television studio in xxxxxxx which they will not leave for xxxx weeks.
While they are there they will be subjected to trickery, pschychological mind games and physical tests that would have most "average" brits reduced to a crumpled mess on the floor and screaming for their mummies.
But not this lot.... This lot seem well up for it and I cannot see most of them being ruffled by anything.
Firstly we have the lovely Shahbaz. Clearly he has tried to form himself into an ethnic version of a character called "Sebastian Flight" from "The High Life" played by Alan Cummings. This morning Shahbaz was humming away to himself (in a Scottish accent of course) as he cleared up the kitchen (at 7.30 in the morning)
"These dishes won't clear themselves away" he camped as he ran around the kitchen on his tiptoes trying to look all lightfooted and waif-like. Shazbah could very well be one of the first to go - he's easily the most irritating.
Then we have George. George is clearly the eye candy for the teenage girl demographic, a heated up version of Prince William who claims to be living off his aristocratic father and has regular sorties with Princess Eugenia. Handsome but probably dull as lavender water. He also seems to have a wee selfish intolerant streak and my prediction is that he will be exposed for that.
Bursting onto our screns we then have Lea who is a model. She used to be 22 stone and then lost all her weight. It seems she forgot to lose weight from her enormous TA TA's which are aparently the largest in the universe. Gary from our work mentioned that he thought they were a 30m size... She's doing it for her kids who presumably need the prize money to pay for surgery to de-stretch their mouths after horrendous breast feeding related injuries.
Mikey seems to generate swoons from the female demographic. Everyone in work here seems to fancy him so he'll probably win or at least be a runner up. He looks exactly like Vernon Kay only with brown eyes I think.
Bonnie (or Bona) is the same character as Leslie (or Lesla) from last year. First in. Probably first out. Muttered something about telling Davina McCall to flick her bean which Davina duly did on screen, putting an end to Davina's agent's negotiations with Nescafe.
Dawn is an extra from "Lion King" on broadway. She plays Mumba Fassa in act one and is a dancing herd of gazelles in act two.
Glyn is a young naked welsh lifeguard - you know the type.
Pete is my favourite. He reminded me of Keyop from Battle of the Planets. Having Tourettes apparantly means that you run around like a cokehead making bleeping noises and saying "wanker" under your breath whenever you think no-one will notice. A sure favourite to win. If you look closesly he's actually very good looking - he just never really stays still enough for anyone to realise. Also Pete was responsible for the first great quote. On Lea's entrance she complained about being booed, "They all think I'm just blonde and have big tits or something." she mused.
"But you ARE blonde and you HAVE got big tits" replied a confused Pete.
And what about Imogen then. The gentlemen will be watching her with great interest no doubt. The only one in the house that I would deem anything close to anyone I've actually met in real life (and in real time)
Nikki - She thinks she's "special......special." She isn't. Her waterproof mascara seems to be her "thing2 - she can think of little else. Lovely arse - shame she talks out of it all the time.
Lisa - In Lisa's photo she looks like she is having an enormous poo. That's all I know about her. She is chinese and everytime I see her I expect her to talk in a chinese restaurant accent - a la "sparkaming minimum wata for you saa!" type way. Instead of which she talks in a broad mancunian accent that makes the Gallagher brothers sound plummy - everything is "proper mint" and "Y'araaaaaight???"
Richard - Right Said Fred lookalike. Says he's a man hunter. He scares the pants off me - He's an UBER gay. Not as gay as Shazbah though
Sezer - looks a bit like a horse - has a very interesting torso though...
Grace - Dolly bird, nothing much interesting about her - clone of Nikki. Maybe I'll warm to her.
What do YOU think of them all?? Who do you like? who do you hate? Let's spark of a lively debate!!!
posted by Freddy @ Friday, May 19, 2006
Comments: 0
