Waking up
I woke up today feeling better than I have in ages. I even slept in which I rarely do. I have a clock that seems to want to ping me into action at about 7 - 7.30 every morning whereupon I lie awake until at the latest 8.10 before getting up. Even at weekends. I reckon it's because I rarely get the CHANCE for a lie-in that my body has just forbidden it completely. The downside to this is that I find it really hard to stay awake beyond midnight - but my friends already know this!!My lie-in has made me question if in fact I've been a lot more anxious recently than I knew. I suppose I HAVE been through potential redundancy and facing the unknown and because I knew that I'd land safely I didn't think I would be stressed. I think I must have been. I woke up every night in the middle of the night thinking about mobile phones and people at work so I knew I was worried but it only occurred to me today that I might have been actually stressed. Also leaving the security of the choir has taken it out on me I think.
Mainly my problem is I have lost the little team I worked with who have all been dispersed. Some of them are still there but moved to different departments but some are gone.
Most significantly I've lost the lady I worked for who as I've said here many times before was simply the best boss I've ever had. I think I really resent my employers for taking away the first boss I've had that I can really look up to and not see through. I have to spend some time sorting out that part of my attitude towards the new people and stop making comparisons... otherwise my attitude will really suck....
I realise that this holiday will actually be about more than just NOT being at work - I think I do actually need this break more than I realised. I am going to get so much stuff done and will report it all to you as I do it!! My to-do list will appear here shortly for your approval.
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posted by Freddy @ Tuesday, August 15, 2006
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