Well Jade has gone. Who do you think will win?
After a week of making a noise like a vaguely racist chainsaw, Jade Goody was evicted from the Celebrity Big Brother house on Friday to discover that she was bigger news than the announcement that we're on the brink of actual nuclear Armageddon.Jade Goody left the Celebrity Big Brother house to a deafening wall of audienceless silence, largely because the inevitable booing marking her departure would have knocked all the planet's satellites out of orbit and plunged Earth into a second Stone Age. From then on it was Celebrity Big Brother eviction business as usual; Jade Goody cried enough tears to single-handedly end the drought in Africa and Davina McCall embarked upon a breathtakingly inept exit interview which bizarrely saw her telling viewers "If you want to be a part of this summer's Big Brother…" as if people watching at home would see Jade sobbing and wailing and helplessly apologising for all the international diplomatic unease she'd caused and think "Yeah, that looks like fun, where's the application form?"
But now that Jade Goody has been evicted, Celebrity Big Brother can get back to being the bone-crushingly dull reality TV show we know and love. So how do we get rid of the remaining "racialists" ?
Jack Tweed - Now that Jade Goody has traded life as a Celebrity Big Brother housemate for life as the "Escapegoat" for all of society's problems, this leaves Jack Tweed in a tricky predicament. Since he's been inside the Celebrity Big Brother house, Jack has only said five words - almost half of them used to describe Shilpa as a "w##ker" and a "c##t" - but they were all said to Jade. Now Jack is all alone on Celebrity Big Brother, there's every chance that he'll either shrivel up and die without anyone actually noticing, or he'll come out of his shell, show his real personality off and spill his fluids off all over someone else's leg for a change. Which of these is most likely?
Danielle Lloyd - Lucky old Danielle Lloyd. Thanks to her not having a voice like twenty tectonic plates smashing into each other at a million miles and hour in an echo chamber, she managed to avoid the bulk of the Celebrity Big Brother racism row despite being about a billion times more racist-seeming than Jade Goody. Handily this hasn't gone unnoticed by the public, who now see Danielle Lloyd as the second-least favourite to win Celebrity Big Brother even though the big old racist flap has sort of died down now. What this means is that when Danielle Lloyd is eventually evicted from Celebrity Big Brother it'll be in front of a massive crowd. A massive booing crowd. A massive booing crowd of angry Indians holding burning effigies of Danielle Lloyd!
Jo O'Meara - All of the above goes equally for Jo "Are all Indians thin because they're sick all the time?" O'Meara. During Celebrity Big Brother Jo has changed from a mardy old sourballs to a mardy old sourballs with a nifty side-career as a sneering racist sidekick. Jo O'Meara was conspicuously the only member of The Celebrity Big Brother Bitches Of Elstree (copyright every bloody newspaper ever) not to apologise to Shilpa Shetty for being a bit of an arsehole to her. On the plus side, Jo O'Meara seems to be completely oblivious to all the crap that's going on outside of the Celebrity Big Brother house to the extent that she's actually given a Diary Room speech about how proud she is of her time in the house.
I would think the least Endemol can do is have evictions every night this week with MASSIVE audiences booing and braying for blood and making these plebs face their deeds head on.
Come on Endemol, MAKE THAT CHANGE!!
Vive la Revelution mes amis!!
© 2006 Fredordead
Labels: Big Brother, Jade Goody
posted by Freddy @ Monday, January 22, 2007
Comments: 1
