All Fredordead readers HAVE TO answer these questions and post them as a comment below - and if you don't then Santa will pour hot custard down your chimney and you have crap sex in 2007!!!
So how was your Christmas on a scale of 1 (crap) to 10 (fantastic)?
Where did you eat?
Who was at your table?
What was the food like? What was it?
Did your family have any "heated" moments?
What did you get for Christmas as presents?
What was your best present and who was it from?
What was the best present you gave someone else?
Did you get any presents from someone that you didn't think of and had to thank them and give them nothing back? Were you embarrassed?
Did you watch TV after your Christmas dinner? If so what did you watch?
Did your family play a game? If so what was it?
Did you get drunk over Christmas - if so how drunk were you? Any stories about that?
Did you have a romantic Christmas? If so give us the details
Finally make one wish for 2007 and share it with us - IT WILL COME TRUE!!! (Honestly!!)
Please answer all these questions as honestly as possible and if necessary post them anonymously!!
If you prefer e-mail your answers to me by clicking HERE and I will put it up on the site!
I don't have a picture of Lisa to offer you or she might shout at me - however you can find her HERE (as you are all well aware).
Lisa if you have a pic you would be happy for me to put up, e-mail it to me!
For any new people, Lisa is our NEW ZEALAND CORRESPONDENT - but no jokes about "down under"... The thing you need to be aware of and get your head around is that her Christmas was spent basking in sunshine not shivering in the cold. Christmas falls during the summer in NZ. How weird is that!!??
So Lisa, how was your Christmas on a scale of 1 (crap) to 10 (fantastic)? 9
Where did you eat? We congregated at the orchard. And we ate in the double garage lol (It was the biggest room to house us all lol)
Who was at your table? My parents, my brother, his fiancee and 14mth old daughter, my sister, both my sons (of course!), brother in law, nieces, nephews, step grandchildren...yeah, it WAS a big table lol
What was the food like? What was it? It was delicious but like an anchor lol. chocolate, peanuts, chips and dip. Roast pork, stuffed chicken, veges, salad, pavlova, trifle (you do understand that was over the course of the day right? Not just in one sitting? WAS TOO!)
Did your family have any "heated" moments? Yep, the following day, my two step-nieces (both adults) had a major barny about nothing much, there were clothes and toiletries being thrown out of the bedroom across the garden. AND one of the girls actually broke the other one's finger!! My brother reckoned it was better than watching the telly LOL Naughty man shoulda intervened, he is a cop afterall.
What did you get for Christmas as presents? Bugger all lol I got an iPod shuffle, and a beautifully framed photo of Anna and Jaimee from a close friend. We don't buy for adults in our family, just the kids, so I was lucky to get anything at all! lol
What was your best present and who was it from? My favourite was the iPod shuffle the boys gave me. It was a complete surprise and I was so overcome with the thoughtfulness of it because I'd been banging on about one for bloody ages lol What was the best present you gave someone else? Probably would have to say the car my ex-husband and I gave the kids by the reaction we got from them lol
Did you get any presents from someone that you didn't think of and had to thank them and give them nothing back? Were you embarrassed? No and No (Yay, a short answer! lol)
Did you watch TV after your Christmas dinner? If so what did you watch? Yes but I can't remember what it was, I may have been asleep on the sofa during it!
Did your family play a game? If so what was it? No, we don't play games, shame really, mighta fancied some charades myself lol
Did you get drunk over Christmas - if so how drunk were you? Any stories about that? No I didn't and thus have no stories. (I had my parents closeby, I am, if nothing else, the dutiful 'good' daughter, in their eyes anyway lol)
Did you have a romantic Christmas? If so give us the details. I wish I could say yes to this one, but alas, that's a negative on the romance. I could MAKE up some details if you like lol
Finally make one wish for 2007 and share it with us - IT WILL COME TRUE!!! (Honestly!!) I wish I was in Belfast, if only for a few hours to spend some time with you all. *closes eyes and holds breath, waiting to be transported*
Taking a well earned break from piano wheeling, we caught up with Smithy who is in England at the moment. You know England - it's the place across the sea where everything is slightly better than it is here!! Only joking Smithy - great to hear from you and enjoy your holiday.
So Smithy, how was your Christmas on a scale of 1 (crap) to 10 (fantastic)? 8
Where did you eat? At my friends Caroline and Joe's house in Amersham, Buckinghamshire
Who was at your table? Caroline and Joe
What was the food like? What was it? Great - Roast forerib of beef with roasties, sprouts, carrots, runner beans and yorkshire puds.
Did your family have any "heated" moments? No
What did you get for Christmas as presents? DVDs, CDs, books, smelly stuff, jumpers, socks
What was your best present and who was it from? Haven't had it yet - it'll be from Mark
What was the best present you gave someone else? Champagne to Caroline and Joe
Did you get any presents from someone that you didn't think of and had to thank them and give them nothing back? Were you embarrassed? Yes, it was the same peron as Mark, and no I didn't feel embarassed.
Did you watch TV after your Christmas dinner? If so what did you watch? Dr Who, Vicar of Dibley
Did your family play a game? If so what was it? No
Did you get drunk over Christmas - if so how drunk were you? Any stories about that? I've been quite good and just been a bit tiddley, which means I can be chirpy in the mornings ...
Did you have a romantic Christmas? If so give us the details. No
Finally make one wish for 2007 and share it with us - IT WILL COME TRUE!!! (Honestly!!) If I share it it won't come true...
You all know Sandra. Sandra is Eric's Mum. It was Sandra that first introduced us all to the concept of inflatable friends and by God we're keeping it that way... Happy Christmas Sandra (and Eric)!!!
So Sandra, how was your Christmas on a scale of 1 (crap) to 10 (fantastic)? 8
Where did you eat? At home Who was at your table? My dipso sister and her boyfriend
What was the food like? What was it? We had goose, turkey, ham , stuffing, roast potatoes, mash potatoes, roast parsnips, carrots, red cabbage, cranberry sauce and gravy!
Did your family have any "heated" moments? My sister got very drunk and started yelling at Adrian my husband (this was at 5.30am boxing day morning)
What did you get for Christmas as presents? DVD's, perfume, books, fleece, laura ashley clock, box sets, games, cute pyjamas, cuddly soft cushions (the squidgy ones you get in castle court) Clarins set, Guerlian Issima midnight secret (night cream)! And lots more!!!
What was your best present and who was it from? Charles Dickens box set of dvds from bbc shop and guerlain midnight secret cream both from my husband Aidy Babe!
What was the best present you gave someone else? A very expensive coat which I gave to my husband.
Did you get any presents from someone that you didn't think of and had to thank them and give them nothing back? Were you embarrassed? No
Did you watch TV after your Christmas dinner? If so what did you watch? Yes, watched Eastenders, Dr Who and vicar of Dibley
Did your family play a game? If so what was it? No they were too pissed
Did you get drunk over Christmas - if so how drunk were you? Any stories about that? Slightly my sister got very drunk and almost burned down our kitchen!! Did you have a romantic Christmas? If so give us the details No but I kissed our pet tortoise Bilbo so that may count
Finally make one wish for 2007 and share it with us - IT WILL COME TRUE!!! (Honestly!!) I wish for a prosperous birthday which by the way is on NEW YEARS DAY!!!
These guys are called "The Real Group" and it was Smithy who first got me interested in their work. I don't need to point this out to you but there are no instruments on stage...
For all international viewers who have ever wondered about the politics of Northern Ireland, look no further than the above.
Click the picture and then marvel at how this little cartoon explains it the way it is here in Belfast, and provides a fantastic sample for everyone of what a genuine NORN IRON accent really sounds like..... like.....
Tis absolutely great so it is. My favourite quotes are :
"Sean?? That sounds to me like a Catholic name!!"
and
"Wait a minute, you can't be forgivin' me til I forgive you first!!"
You may think that I have only one programme stapled into my "must see" folder for January - Big Brother 2007. (I am very excited I'll admit)
But there's another show which has caught my eye - an American import. Regular readers will know already of my enthusiasm for 24 and Boston Legal... and I've always said that Americal TV is SOOOOOO much better than UK TV - I don't care what anyone says about British TV being superior - It simply isn't the case any more. (Just examine Princess Nikki and Midsomer Murders as test cases)
Heroes. Heroes isn't just going to be the best TV show this year, it's going to be one of the best TV shows EVER!! BBC2 have bought the rights, and I promise to poo my pants if they hide it away at midnight like they've done with everything from Arrested Development to The Apprentice USA.
Heroes is a series about a disparate bunch of chancers from all walks of life who slowly figure out they have various super powers and then try to get it together enough to save New York from a nuclear explosion that one of them sees in a premonition. As you know from my Superman Returns tirade, I love super powers. As a child I was conviced I would eventually develop the ability to move things with my mind and used to spend considerable amounts of time in the car with my mum, strapped into the front seat pretending to myself that I was moving the windscreen wipers with my mind.. I never fully gave up on that idea....
Heroes is supposed to have all of the punch that Lost did before it started to settle in for the long-haul. (I love the Bo Selecta version of "Lost", simply entitled "Lost Interest"....) Heroes is far more instant and direct. Heroes has supposedly created one of the enduring TV characters of all time - Hiro, a cuddly Japanese geek who, when he realises he can time-travel and teleport, spends week after week running around yelling "Yatta!" at the top of his lungs. Your money back if you're not hooked by the end of episode two. Here's a trailer you gormless TV freaks!!
Also lest I forget, 24 series six (at least I think it's six - correct me if I'm wrong Smithy...) will also be screening worldwide on Sun Jan 14th - I am not entirely sure what date Sky One bare running with it - the Sky website just says Jan. However I'll keep you posted when I find out! I can't imagine it won't be this date - they usually run with Sunday nights.
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Get used to saying that - Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows
Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is the official title for the final Harry Potter book, so it's inevitable that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows will outsell The Bible at some point.
Now, that's all we know about the final Harry Potter book - there isn't even a release date yet - and it's leading to all sorts of speculation from the children and adults who can't read proper books yet that make up the Harry Potter fan army. Deathly Hallows? Sounds a bit gloomy - perhaps Harry Potter really will die at the end of the book like everyone says. And just what the hell is a 'deathly hallows' anyway?
However, Fredordead can reveal that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is a hoax name to give the impression that Harry Potter will come to a nasty end - the real title of the book is ....
Harry Potter And The Lovely Rainbow-Coloured Munchkin Rabbits Of Bibbledy Bobbledy Lane.
Only joking.
So there it is. The last Harry Potter book has a name. But what does it mean? And from the title can we guess what will happen in Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows?
Will Harry Potter die? Will Harry Potter kiss more girls like he does in the trailer for the new movie? But most of all, will JK Rowling make enough money from sales of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows that she can finally accomplish her dream of building a machine that uses the sun's power to destroy anybody who doesn't really like Harry Potter that much?
Now that everybody knows that Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is called Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows, everyone can get on with the rest of their lives again. Emma Watson can continue being ignored by boys, JK Rowling can continue to bitch and whine about how models are thinner than her and Daniel Radcliffe can take off all his clothes and blind more horses with sharp metal rods.
In the meantime you can go here: www.jkrowling.com, and play the game with all the other curios people about what the title of the new Harry Potter book is...
Here's a hint - the title of Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows is Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows. Good luck!!
So Seuuuusan, how was your Christmas on a scale of 1 (crap) to 10 (fantastic)? 9
Where did you eat? Ate at mum and dads
Who was at your table? Mum dad, my sister, her husband and my two neices and of course my lovely husband Richard! What was the food like? What was it? We had turkey and all the trimmings and it was fuckin gorgeous - even Richard would admit that his mother in law is a great cook!
Did your family have any "heated" moments? No - only slightly when my dad had too much to drink and could hardly mash the spuds
What did you get for Christmas as presents? Aura Day Spa voucher, earrings, vouchers, socks, perfume etc etc
What was your best present and who was it from? Best pressie was from Richard - earrings and spa voucher
What was the best present you gave someone else? I gave Richard his Play station - I think he was excited
Did you get any presents from someone that you didn't think of and had to thank them and give them nothing back? Were you embarrassed? No
Did you watch TV after your Christmas dinner? If so what did you watch? I watched the soaps as usual - Eastenders etc
Did your family play a game? If so what was it? On Xmas night, we go to friends and always play games - we played Scattegories and Outburst!
Did you get drunk over Christmas - if so how drunk were you? Any stories about that? You know me - I was plastered on still water. No stories to report
Did you have a romantic Christmas? If so give us the details. Yes Xmas was lovely - can't go into the details - ask Richard
Finally make one wish for 2007 and share it with us - IT WILL COME TRUE!!! (Honestly!!)Wish that we all continue to have a laugh together and enjoy good health (no trips to casualty thanks!)
To explain that last comment, Our Seuuuusan had a bit of a fright on Friday last when her arm and lips went numb at my party and we had to bundle her off to Casualty (She prefers Casualty to Holby City you see...)
Anyway fear not readers because our Seuusan is fine and it was just a very severe migraine brought on by the excitement of my party!!
The song 'The Twelve Days of Christmas' has many presents:
A partridge in a pear tree Two turtle doves Three french hens Four calling birds Five golden rings Six geese a-laying Seven swans a-swimming Eight maids a-milking Nine drummers drumming Ten pipers piping Eleven dancers dancing Twelve lords a-leaping
Q : Throughout the entire song, including all twelve 'verses', which present shows up most often? eg Ten Pipers Piping counts as ten presents, and it is sung 3 times = 30 pipers dancing....
If you know the answer put a comment in below saying "I know the answer so I do and so this is Christmas, and what have you done?"
Forget Ray "Quiff" and his bogus claims to being the greatest northern "Swing" singer ever (Me greatest influences are Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin like..."
Over Christmas I have had quite a few people talking to me about the recent sketch which appeared on the excellent Catherine Tate show all about Northern Ireland. Her accent you will agree is one of the best "NORN IRON" attempts in a long time - she has certainly captured the mannerisms and intonation in a way I have never heard an English person master. Not only that but the idea of a working class terrorist led community in Belfast rejoicing in the "coming out" of a young lad is absolutely hilarious and quite where she got the idea from is beyond me..
For those who I promised I would post it, just watch....
1. I prefer breasts to legs 2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist. 3. Smother the butter all over the breasts! 4. If I don't undo my trousers, I'll burst! 5. I've never seen a better spread! 6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat. 7. Are you ready for seconds yet? 8. It's a little dry; do you still want to eat it? 9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some! 10. Don't play with your meat. 11. Stuff it up between the legs as far as it will go. 12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once? 13. I didn't expect everyone to come at the same time! 14. You still have a little bit on your chin. 15. How long will it take after you put it in? 16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up. 17. Just pull the end and wait for the bang. 18. That's the biggest bird I've ever had! 19. I'm so full, I've been gobbling nuts all morning 20. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all that and still want more! 21. I do like a good stuffing.
Turn your sound up, grab a tissue and TAKE A LOOK AT OUR YEAR!!
If you want to download this movie, Click HERE and follow the instructions. For some reason it makes you click through ten pages before it lets you download it - presumably a traffic multiplying trick... Just do it ten times and it will then let you download.
Remember when Grandma told her stories about the war? It was all about the Spirit of the Blitz and how communities united in a common cause against adversity because they were determined, despite the loss of their houses and every possession, to carry on and fight for what they believed in.
Well, Grandma had it good compared to this story.
If you want to see real suffering, don't bother with the war, or the hundreds of thousands killed in Rwanda in the 90s.
The forced starvation of thousands of Zimbabweans ? Not a patch.
It'll be ten years next year since Princess Diana died in a car in a tunnel in Paris. There will be many ways for the public to express its lasting grief towards Princess Diana, but none more fitting than by having a bit of a jig to Crocodile Rock.
The Princess Diana Memorial Concert is set to take place next July in the new Wembley Stadium, but you my loyal FREDORDEAD readers will, chances are, not be going to it.
Not because the idea of a memorial concert for a woman with an eating disorder makes you want to run into the sea and not stop until you reach the safety of another country. No you won't be going because 60,000 red-eyed housewives and homosexual men with embroideries of Princess Diana as an angel on their walls have already beaten you to it.
The Princess Diana Memorial Concert sold out less than half an hour after the tickets went on sale.
It's been almost a decade since Princess Diana died, and the events of that time still burn brightly. Many people have memories of that day etched into their minds and the eulogies are still prevalent in the press. Everyone has their own misty eyed version of the loss of this young beautiful princess snatched from us like a young petal in full bloom etc etc.
For instance, David Hasselhoff remembers Princess Diana because she almost had sex with him and George Michael remembers Princess Diana because she almost had sex with him - but what about the rest of us? The ones that Princess Diana didn't want to have sex with?
Luckily Prince William and his brother Prince Harry have organised a special concert for those who she didn't want to have sex with. The Princess Diana Didn't Want To Have Sex With You But Here's Andrew Lloyd Webber Anyway Memorial Concert - or Princess Diana Memorial Concert for short.
Only you can't go to it because the Princess Diana Memorial Concert sold out in less than 30 minutes, as CNN reports:
Tickets for a pop concert to mark the 10th anniversary of Princess Diana's death sold out 30 minutes after going on sale, organisers have said… The concert, organised by Diana's sons, Princes William and Harry, will take place at the renovated Wembley stadium in London next July and feature acts including Elton John, Duran Duran and Pharrell Williams. The £45 ($88) tickets for the tribute were up for grabs from 9 a.m. but they were already attracting bids of up to £200 each on the online auction eBay. The online message read: "For now, tickets have sold out. We hope very much that more tickets will be released in the New Year. Please keep checking back here for further information."
So far the line-up for the Princess Diana Memorial Concert also includes Bryan Ferry, Joss Stone and the English National Ballet. The concert organisers have promised that more acts that reflect Princess Diana's musical tastes will be announced soon, which means that Chris De Burgh will inevitably sing Lady In Red. Also, it's being strongly rumoured that The Spice Girls will reform for the concert, as Princess Diana was thought to have been a fan of the four singles The Spice Girls released just before she died.
Please remember though, that Princess Diana was not the only person to die in that horrible crash, and a special Dodi Al Fayed memorial concert is also scheduled to take place next year, featuring a confused-looking Michael Jackson half-heartedly yelping "We Are The World" while Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind and Mohamed Al Fayed plays the bongos in Harrods car park at 2am on a Wednesday night.
Jim and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said,
Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Jim, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.
Edna replied,
He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?
Hello. Smithy here, NOT Freddy. Can I just say that although this posting appears on Freddy's blog he in no way endorses it.
It can't have escaped any of you that it is indeed christmas time, the season of giving n all. Popular prezzies are of course calendars, and this calendar has recently be brought to my attention. The Observer describes it as "2007's hottest new calendar". It can be viewed and purchased here.
You know how I'm a robot, dead inside and don't like talking about my feelings 'n all... Well I'm now ready to communicate with you and share a secret with you...
Throw all your Christmas records away; this anthology is all you are ever going to need. For the past five years or so Sufjan Stevens has been locking himself away in his home studio (=bedroom) and producing a Christmas CD to give to friends, featuring a mixture of old favourites and newly penned classics-in-waiting such as Did I Make You Cry On Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved It!) and Come on! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance! and That Was the Worst Christmas Ever!. Click here to listen and order your copy!
I have neglected you all this week - I realise that - BAD BLOG MAN.
This week (and probably this month) have been incredibly hectic here at work. I have literally hardly had time to think - and when I get out of work tonight I go to my SECOND job for three hours.
I would say though, that if at any stage you are all missing me, set your little bookmarks towards the literary genius that is OTHER FRED.
He is amusing us all with his inane dribble although if you are of a delicate disposition (or worse, a rabid CHRISTIAN)
See Channel 4 official website - exciting!!
