Fred'sNotDead: August 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Richard's Massive Organ

Richard's organ has raised it's ugly head again.

Please feel free to read the fascinating story of the conception, birth and continued nurturing of Richard's massive organ by clicking THIS LINK.

Next it will have it's own reality TV series...

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Happy Birthday Freddy!

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Happy Birthday Dear Freddy!!

I saw this and thought of you................many happy returns great mate!

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Versa Est

I've now got a video of us singing in Ripon Cathedral and it can be viewed HERE.

It's us singing Versa Est by Lobo

Enjoy!!

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Labels: Ripon, video

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Odd time of the year...

It's an odd time of year don't you think? For a start there seems to be little to get excited about. I don't just mean that the holidays are all over and Christmas is too far away. I'm refering at the moment to your Tellybox.

I mean look at it - Big Brother 7 has come and gone. Our Sky Plus planners have never looked more bleak. Poor Fred has resorted to putting Most Haunted on series link again and apart from a few documentaries about how to raise toddlers or how to claen your bog etc, there is very little to watch during the week. We even taped a programme about the life of a battery chicken shown on BBC4 - I am not joking.

The oddest thing is that the only programmes on all week that are worth watching are both on at the SAME TIME on a Saturday night. I refer of course to Pop Stars the Rivals Pop Idol - oops sorry I mean X Factor and my own personal favourite programme ever, "How do you solve a problem like Maria". Why the bloomin bum-hole do they have to be on at the same time???

Our international audience (well OK you have me there, there isn't one apart from our Lisa in NZ) will be saying to themselves, what the hell is "How do you solve a problem like Maria"?

It's a programme where they audition thousands of girls from the UK on live TV before giving one of them the part of Maria Von Trap in "The Sound of Music" at London's West End and paying them huge amounts of money.

Does that sound camp? Well it's even more camp than it sounds. At the end of each show the "evictee" girl who didn't quite have enough jam and bread to get through doh to soh gets a rather amusing send off. The other Maria wannabees all line up and sing "So Long, Farewell, I bid you all Adieu!!" I promise you it is a lot more dramatic than any episode of "The Bill"

But aside from the TV I get the impression that everyone is a bit restless.

So today's question is, what have we all got to look forward to? Please leave your comments - make them nice and positive - about what you are particularly excited about doing. I await your stories with interest....

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Labels: Big Brother, X Factor

My wine has arrived!

It's my birthday wine and I'm drinking it as I type this!!

For Jonny...

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Reminder service

Just a quick reminder.

It's my birthday tomorrow.

I'll be 35.

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Who says the Yanks have no sense of humour?

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Tuesday, August 29, 2006

DEO !! DEO!!

This is a bit of an "In - Joke" so apologies to anyone who does not surround themselves in church music in the sad way I do.

If you are on the other hand up for a choral rib tickler, then look no further than HERE

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Labels: choral, Joke

Ripon the arse out of it....

I'm in such a bad mood today!! I suspect we all are - what with it being the day after Bank Holiday Monday a few of us are returning to work after a nice long weekend.

I'm returning to work after two weeks off AND I have a hangover!!

But the good news is that I have some photos to cheer myself up and HERE THEY ARE.

These are of us enjoying happier times in Ripon. Wish I was back there!!

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Labels: Ripon

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Saturday, August 26, 2006

While surfing I found the following advert. Interested anyone?

Swingles seek bass-baritone

The Swingle Singers are looking for a bass-baritone (vocal percussion skills preferred). The group is a full-time professional 8-piece a cappella ensemble based in London, UK. They are performing mainly jazz and classical repertoire, but also contemporary classical music and pop. The group started over 40 years ago, but consists nowadays of young singers, refreshing the more traditional repertoire. If you are interested in auditioning, please contact musical director Tom Bullard at md@swinglesingers.com

Please send a CV, picture, and demo to:-

Swingles Direct

Suite 111e,

Business Design Centre,

52 Upper Street,

London N1 0QH

United Kingdom

(I immediately wondered if Pete from Big Brother 7 would like to apply?)

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Labels: Big Brother

Friday, August 25, 2006

Does this grab you?

St Paul's Cathedral Choir, singing Deo Gracias by Britten?

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Wha?

Sometimes old Jonny Foreigner gets it so wrong when trying to understand Anglo-American culture, and other times they hit the nail right on the head as our friends from the land of the rising sun demonstrate...

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Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Ripon Cathedral

If you want to hear Melisma performing in Ripon Cathedral this weekend, Click HERE

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Labels: melisma, Ripon, stopford

For those who were at the Swingles last night....

Ripon

I'm back from Ripon - check this out!!

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Labels: Ripon

Turn your sound up!!!

Melisma's DVD of our tour to Ripon is coming soon

Check the above sneak peek out!!

Labels: Ripon

Saturday, August 19, 2006

On our trip

Friday, August 18, 2006

Having a lovely time

You better know yourself....

Would you do me a favour and knock a vote out for Aisleyne Horgan Wallace?

This is done by texting the word "Aisleyne" to the number 84444 and it will cost you 50p in the UK.

OK, so our girl probably only has still a slim chance of victory at best, as the Big Brother producers have done such a wonderful job of structuring the whole series so Pete wins. But it would still be wonderful to see her do better than Nikki, at least.

Perfectly Preposterous Pete has Endemol, Nikki, his dead friend and apparantly God in his corner so he doesn't need our backing....(didn't Nikki look like an evil cow last night???)

I just hope her hideously mis-spelled name doesn't cost her votes... don't forget it's "AISLEYNE"

Labels: Big Brother

An answer to the informed debate on Gay Pride on the Stephen Nolan Show

Dear callers,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from Stephen Nolan's show, and I will try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I can simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them.

a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to the Welsh, but not Scots. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Scotsmen?

e) I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

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Thursday, August 17, 2006

Andrew has joined us

Having seen my picture up in Deane's, Andrew has made his way round and has joined us!

Susan and Robert and I are in Deane's Deli!

Labels: Susan

Our Ed's A-Level Results

Congratulations to our Ed who today got his results in his A-levels

He got an A and two B's (clever wee shite) and has been accepted by his first choice university, York. He will be trying to get a choral scholarship there - there are two places and one is taken so wish him luck and congratulations!!!

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Labels: Ed

Gay Pride

Is Northern Ireland gay tolerant yet? Have we moved on from the days when people were hounded out of society because they were gay?? Listen to Steven Nolan talking with the good people of Northern Ireland on the subject and decide for yourself...

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Labels: Northern Ireland

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Fook!!

My new phone

Some of you need to know that I have bought a new phone : The K800i by Sony Ericson.

I mention this not as a "haven't I got the best phone in the block" type thing, merely thought it was only fair to tell you that from now on every photo I take with my phone can be uploaded DIRECTLY to my blog (ie here on this page just as the picture above was) within seconds from anywhere in the world!!

IT'S FANTASTIC I TELL THEE!!

Labels: photos

Some reasons why you need to vote Aisleen to win BIG BROTHER

» She superseded everyone’s initial expectations of her as another dim promo girl bimbo who’d be evicted on Week 4.

» She assessed Sezer’s bullshitty ‘businessman’ wannabe player cred, having met a million of his type in every club in London, within about ten seconds, and thus proceeded to irritate the shit out of him by just being.

» She had to pinch her nose to stop herself from laughing immediately after Sezer was evicted.

» Being the only person apart from Richard to stick up for Sam, giving her some quiet advice about being overfriendly and telling Nikki to back off with the intrusive gender inquisition.

» In her time in the house, Aisleyne has been called a bitch, slag, fucking slut, wigga, dick, cow, moose, wannabe black girl, hoochie mama, ghetto ho, hood rat, ugly, hideous, vile, revolting, fake, arselicker, drowned rat, easy, and the most evil woman in the entire world (thanks, Lea). In her time in the house, she has called Nikki boring, Lea manipulative, and Grace a bitch after she threw water at Susie.

» Her open and vocal contempt for the alienation Grace et al inflicted on Sam and Susie.

» She was the only person to call out Grace for throwing water on Susie to her face, whilst everyone else waited until she had gone.

» Her scaring the shit out of twatty Lisa post Watergate. Lisa screams in her face. Aisleyne slowly gets up and towers over her. Aisleyne demands to know who she thinks she is pointing at. Lisa’s eyes widen.

» Her enviable inventory of eyebrow manoeuvres.

» Her spectacular sense of humour as displayed in that week when she decided to get very drunk indeed because she kept hearing ‘Aisleyne out’.

» Her and Lea’s impressions of each other. ‘Me name be Aisleeeeeeeeeyne! Me bredrin!’

» ‘You better know yourself before you talk about me, little girl!’

» ‘When I see that girl, you know, I’ma dash water in her face. Nah not really’

» ‘I wish I was a little bit taller, wish I was a baller’

» The fact that she once sang Buffalo Stance in the garden and knew all the words.

» Being the only woman Pete has flirted with, then ignored that has not gone insane over it (Lea, Lisa, Nikki, Jenny…).

» Her ‘I’m sooo sorry babe’ reaction to ‘get Grace out #1’ when immediately prior Grace had been smirking like crazy at the belief the crowd were booing Aisleyne.

» Her ‘bad!’ reaction to ‘get Grace out #2’.

» The cutaway to Grace, Mikey and Lisa (and Sezer?)’s faces when her name is announced as winner would be the best Big Brother moment of all time.

» Davina does not like Aisleyne at all (‘Hahahahahah look at her crying!’). It would be very interesting to see how this would colour a ‘winner’s interview’.

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Labels: Big Brother

GRACEY KNOWS HER STUFF

Digging out this four-second clip with just three days of voting to go was quite a low trick when everyone else got off so lightly; but then, as Dermot O'Leary often says without qualification on Big Brother's Little Brother, "Ash is a very unpopular housemate."

GRACE DENT KNOWS. READ "HERE'S YOUR BEST BITS"

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Labels: Big Brother, Grace Dent

Mark McGuire Singers

The Mark McGuire Singers are back!!

This time they have come up with something deep and meaningful which can be listened to HERE

Turn up your volume and have a good think about your life....

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Big Brother Tat

I'd like THIS for my birthday please

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Labels: Big Brother

If Pete Doesn't win....

If Pete doesn't win then according to THIS CLIP from last night, there is NO HEAVEN.

You better get voting otherwise the essence of christianity could take a serious tumble worldwide. And even more worrying, has anyone seen Nikki's Ribena???

I never thought I'd say this but Aisleen to win!!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Today's To Do List

Shower

Tidy bedroom

Go into town for :

Battery for Video Camera

Lodge Cheque (which has been in my wallet for months now)

Collect bike which I left in work

Meet someone for lunch perhaps?

Maybe have a quick session on the sunbed at the gym

Buy some food at Marks and Spencers to help me and Fred slim down. (all we are eating at the moment is fast food like Pizza and Chinese....

If I think of any more I will update you. By the way do you not think making Boy George sweep the streets of New York is ridiculous? I mean they could have got him to do a charity concert to raise millions for starving people instead of getting him to sweep the streets. It's media humiliation above common sense and it shows that America is truly fucked up. That fella DID raise a shit load of money for charities at the height of his fame does that not count as community service? Have they forgotten Live Aid? OK so he shoves a bit of WANGO up his nose every so often big deal - it doesn't mean they should put him on the stocks (which is what they effectively have done)

The BBC are even running a "Story in Pictures" article - of a man emptying bins in New York!! While World War 4 is threatening to break out!! JESUS TONIGHT!

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Labels: video

Waking up

I woke up today feeling better than I have in ages. I even slept in which I rarely do. I have a clock that seems to want to ping me into action at about 7 - 7.30 every morning whereupon I lie awake until at the latest 8.10 before getting up. Even at weekends. I reckon it's because I rarely get the CHANCE for a lie-in that my body has just forbidden it completely. The downside to this is that I find it really hard to stay awake beyond midnight - but my friends already know this!!

My lie-in has made me question if in fact I've been a lot more anxious recently than I knew. I suppose I HAVE been through potential redundancy and facing the unknown and because I knew that I'd land safely I didn't think I would be stressed. I think I must have been. I woke up every night in the middle of the night thinking about mobile phones and people at work so I knew I was worried but it only occurred to me today that I might have been actually stressed. Also leaving the security of the choir has taken it out on me I think.

Mainly my problem is I have lost the little team I worked with who have all been dispersed. Some of them are still there but moved to different departments but some are gone.

Most significantly I've lost the lady I worked for who as I've said here many times before was simply the best boss I've ever had. I think I really resent my employers for taking away the first boss I've had that I can really look up to and not see through. I have to spend some time sorting out that part of my attitude towards the new people and stop making comparisons... otherwise my attitude will really suck....

I realise that this holiday will actually be about more than just NOT being at work - I think I do actually need this break more than I realised. I am going to get so much stuff done and will report it all to you as I do it!! My to-do list will appear here shortly for your approval.

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I'm Off!!

Just to let you all know that Freddy and Freddy are now off work on their summer holidays for two weeks starting Monday 14th August.

We are going to RIPON on Friday for a long weekend singing in the cathedral there but apart from that no plans.

Therefore if anyone wants to meet me or fred for breakfast, lunch, dinner, cinema, drinking, monopoly evenings, quiz nights, bingo, tiddlywink competitions, Big Brother watching nights or evenings where we all dress up like ladies, then PLEASE let us know and we will fill our diaries up with you and put your pictures up here when we are done.

In the meantime don't forget that my birthday is the 31st August and this year I don't need pants or socks...

VOTE ME - CLICK THIS LINK PLEASE

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Labels: Big Brother, Ripon

Thank God - I'm not alone in not wanting Pete to win!

We've spent ten weeks establishing how "brave" Pete is about everything but, when Grace returned he didn't look so brave hiding in the toilet for 21 minutes, cowering by the urinal with his bits in one hand ....

Read Grace Dent's blog - She sums up everything I think better than I can!! - visit this site.

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Monday, August 14, 2006

Quote of the Day!

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Saturday, August 12, 2006

Lisa's Toilet

Would you all be as good as to pop over to Lisa's site folowing THIS LINK and wish her well with her toilet.

Not that she needs our input of course as she seems to have a unique following of people who have already done just that.

Perhaps you will all learn from this experience about the duties of blog readers. Her folk are well trained. THEY COMMENT even if the post in question is about TOILET BOWLS and CISTERNS .

And they probably bloody well vote as well.

There are lessons to be learned here folks...

Lisa my love - will you teach them???

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Labels: Lisa

Friday, August 11, 2006

A televised campaign of schoolyard intimidation and spite.

When Nikki was actually in the house, single and gagging for it for 58 days solid, Pete snogged her a few times when drunk, then mostly ignored her. The moment Nikki was chucked out and was safely out of Borehamwood, she was the best thing since tie-dye rave pantaloons.

Grace Dent has updated just now - visit this site.

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Labels: Grace Dent

Joke of the day!

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Labels: Joke

Happy anniversary to me!

Multiple anniversaries for me this week - it's two years since I got Cat & Mouse who now rule the roost chez moi, and six years to this very day that I moved over to Norn Iron!

Cue choruses of "bloody blow-in", "will he ever leave", "looks like we're stuck with him now" etc. etc...

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Another arty shot

I call this one "The Moon over Lisnabreeny Road"...

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Thursday, August 10, 2006

Grace Dent

"Maybe when people evicted Nikki that week," ponders Ash as she hears them banging about, "They did it because they loved her so much. So maybe the twist is that she can actually win the prize."

No, Ash, you're wrong this time, love. Nikki was evicted because people didn't like her. The reason why the regulator ICSTIS is looking into almost 2,500 complaints from angry viewers is because people used the premium-rate telephone line assuming they were evicting housemates for good.

For more of Grace Dent "bite" visit this site. Do you think they should have let the old evictees back in to the house or do you think that the show is now just a torn up rule book? Comment with your thoughts!!

Labels: Grace Dent

Another View!

Guess who??

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Labels: Susan

Is it an oil painting???

Thanks Richard for your photos of last night.

I took this one from Nigel McClintock's window of the moon and the Cathedral.

I reckon that if you had the right photographic equipment you could win a prize for a photo like this - it's just a bit rough and ready using my phone!!

When's the housewarming Nigel?
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Labels: photos, richard

A new view.

All of our "local" readers will recognise this building, however, they may not have seen it from this vantage point before! Seeeuuusan, Freddy & myself were honoured to be the first to be invited to Nigel McClintock's new apartment last night & this is the wonderful view from his balcony of Belfast - wow!! The purchase price is worth it for the view alone. Fred also took some pics - maybe we could see them later Fred?

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Big Brother

Grace, Nikki, Lea and Mikey are put in the secret house. Now, if we could just turn off all the cameras and leave them there, play-acting their hearts out for nobody's benefit, I'd find that truly entertaining.

For more visit Grace Dent's Blog

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Labels: Big Brother

Who is this man??

No not the one in the car! Not even the one on the right on the bike! The other one on the bike who is slightly obscured by the car.
Who is he???? WHO IS HE????
He was caught on camera (just!) today at 5pm on the Sydenham Bypass in Belfast.
Most of you know him and may recognise him from his cream suit or even his bright yellow rucksack!
Please post up your suggestions as to who this mystery cyclist might be. The clues are there!!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Joke of the Day!

A blind man enters a Ladies Bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar
stool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar
immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the
woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is
just fair - giving that you are blind that you should know five things:
1- The bartender is a blonde girl.
2- The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3- I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4- The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weight lifter.
5- The lady to your right is a blonde and is a professional wrestler.

Now think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that
joke?" the blind man thinks for a second, shakes his head, and declares, Nah.

Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times!

Labels: Joke

Whatever Happened To..

Space Dust

Space Dust and Pop Rocks - I loved this stuff. Do you remember it crackled on your tongue ??
There were urban legends about heads/stomachs/pet dogs exploding due to an overdose of these mixed with a soft drink of your choice. I tried it but to date my head remains unexploded.....

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Rubbish Japanese Ladyboys

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Mr Roberts

Just to remind everyone - It's our Mr Robert's birthday on Thursday 10th August.... Mr Roberts I bet you thought I would be the last to remember.

Looking ahead my birthday is on the 31st August.

I will have my wish list from Amazon ready for you shortly.

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Monday, August 07, 2006

Back by dope demand

From Grace Dent's Blog - This article is so brilliant that I have replicated it here with no shame. It is from the BRILLIANT RADIO TIMES WEBSITE and you can read it EVERY DAY by clicking HERE or HERE or even HERE!!

On day 67, not long after Nikki was voted out of Big Brother 7, Dermot O'Leary said in an interview with New! magazine: "The show has definitely suffered. There's something unbelievably endearing about the girl. I don't know why she was evicted. We were thinking, 'There's no way she can go, something must be wrong.'"

Dermot continued: "I still haven't met anyone who voted for Nikki. It showed that there's no way the show could be fixed. If they could fix it, I'm sure the programme-makers would have moved heaven and earth to keep her in there."

By eviction night on day 79, heaven and earth duly moved: Nikki is back, along with Grace, Lisa, Lea, Jayne and several other characters whom viewers spent hundreds of thousands of pounds voting out under the silly assumption they were voting them out for good.

And now we're invited to spend even more money voting four ex-housemates back in. One of these evicted housemates is now eligible for the £100,000 prize money. I suppose there are two ways of looking at this.

The first is to see it as a brilliant, satisfying twist. Just imagine the vile, antisocial behaviour we can enjoy if Nikki, Grace, Lisa and Lea are given more telly time? On Friday's Big Brother's Big Mouth, the ex-contestants pleaded to re-enter the house, exuding that same "I'll say anything, me, to get on telly" desperation employed in their intro VTs.

"I'll be swearing and smoking…and I'll beat Ash up!" grunts Lisa, as Grace and Nikki snigger beside her. "Cuh! I'll bring out Ash's true colours!" promises Spiral. "Yeah! Someone needs to knock the tiara off the ghetto princess's head!" gurgles some random member of the audience, clearly struggling to remain coherent amid so many F-list celebs. "Don't worry, I'll do it for you!" brags Grace, wrapping an arm around Nikki. "She can do it 'erself!" crows Jayne.

As the dismal little clique chuckle and boast about committing GBH on Ash, I'm sure there were people all over Britain thinking, "This is the best telly evvva! Gimme that mobile, now! Let's text in dat orange one who looks like Justin Lee Collins wivvout a beard. She's nasty! And that one who acts like a six-year-old and calls people sluts and squeals all the time! Me likey nasty people. They make my head feel fizzy and gud!"

A lot of people, quite sadly, do think like this. That's why Grace and Nikki will most probably return on Tuesday.

The alternative way to look at the "twist" is with a certain amount of anger. Well, anger ebbing slowly to resigned bemusement at the bizarre way Big Brother 7 has gone.

Obviously, it's true that Big Brother over the past seven years has weathered multiple twists and turns. I know that all too well; I've watched every single series.

But crucially, during the past seven years, the one constant, basic rule that has kept the show alive is that Big Brother is a test of popularity and endurance. The winner can be a timid goody-goody or a noisy prat, but their skill is to stay popular. If you're not popular in or out of the house on Big Brother, you'll be voted out eventually and then it's game over for good, leaving the ultimate winner. Week after week, it gets harder to stay popular as the homesickness and cabin fever affects your persona; but if you can endure this longer than everybody else then the £100,000 is yours.

What makes finale night so goosebumpy is the expression on the last, triumphant, sensory-deprived soul as they climb the white stairs and find themselves rocketed back to reality in an explosion of fireworks and flashing cameras. Whether your personal favourite wins or not, it's a curiously satisfying end.

To meddle with this basic fundamental rule and let Nikki, Grace or Lisa etc back in to win feels quite wrong to me.
Big Brother can experiment with fake evictions, golden tickets and secret houses, but the moment they change the rules, the whole concept feels utterly pointless. Not only were they were turfed out by a majority vote because of their unpopular behaviour; since then, they've all been home to their families, slept well and recharged their batteries. They've eaten nice food, been down the gym, seen all their mates and had their hair coloured and cut. They've bought some new clothes, had a good look through all of their tabloid clippings, and now they're allowed back into the house once again - fresh as they were on day 1.

Meanwhile Pete, Richard, Ash, Imogen, Jennie and Glyn sit in the house feeling addled, flabby, homesick and slightly deranged.

Big Brother can experiment with fake evictions, golden tickets, secret houses and secret gardens, but the moment they simply just change the rules so they can re-instate Nikki, Grace and Lisa, whose deranged behaviour wins ratings, and then give them the chance of winning £100,000, the whole concept of Big Brother begins to feel utterly pointless.

If nobody at Big Brother gives a hoot about the last ten weeks of texts that everyone has spent money on, then why are we still lining their pockets by voting at all? It's just a thought, but why not just stop voting? Then the producers can decide among themselves who wins and why, while at least we enjoy the ongoing antics for free.

I can't see the point in voting any more for Big Brother 7.

Susie Verrico v Davina McCall was all rather amusing. Beforehand, Davina interviewed Mikey, telling him several times he's been a "brilliant housemate". "When you see your best bits, Mikey, you'll know why!" says Davina. Mikey's "best bits" VT is several clips of him waving his hands or occasionally dancing. The absolute highlight of Mikey's tape is the time he jumped into a big pile of cushions. "Wow!" gushes Davina, "Mikey! You were such a brilliant housemate!"

Susie's interview is starkly different in tone. Evidently, Susie has been a bad housemate. Actually, not just bad as in boring, but bad as in nasty. Evil, in fact. They've made a compilation VT of Susie complaining about chewing gum and the kitchen mess where they've slowed down bits of her speech to a growl and made slow-motion shots of her scowling so she looks quasi-Satanic. Susie takes it all in with calm aplomb.

"Your boobs are enormous!" hoots Davina out of the blue, pointing at Susie's chest. "They're not that big really," replies Susie. "Yes they are!" giggles Davina. Susie looks at Davina with an expression that appears to say: "Davina, you're almost the same age as me. Why are you suddenly acting like an hysterical 16-year-old?"

"Now, let me get this straight," says Davina, "You auditioned three times? You were a stand-in. And your husband bought 800 chocolate bars. You were desperate, weren't you?!" Everyone in the crowd smirks at the word desperate. "Well, to be honest, you have to be desperate to do Big Brother," replies Susie, "Everyone is desperate who gets through the auditions. You have to stand in the rain and cold for hours on end." Davina looks at her notes, ignoring the answer.

"So why didn't you do anything when you were in there?" asks Davina. Susie fixes her with one of her looks, then says, "What did you want me to do?" There's a small, awkward silence. Quick, Davina, stick on Mikey's best bits tape! Show her the cushion jump! "Erm…well…I don't know," stutters Davina, "My feeling was that you wanted to be there so badly…and then you didn't embrace it or even let your hair down!"

"I don't let my hair down like that," says Susie plainly, "I don't get drunk. I didn't want to have sex on TV. I didn't want to play Spin the Bott…" "Well, why did you go in there?!" shouts Davina, who is famously teetotal. "Exposure," replies Susie, with refreshing honesty. "Exposure?" Davina sneers at her. Clearly the years that Davina spent running around the streets of Britain like a headless chicken doing Streetmate and MTV's Most Wanted were simply for the good of her own health.

"So do you want to go back into the house?!" shouts Davina. "Yes, OK," says Susie, who we now have firmly established was an exceedingly bad, boring, shallow, and disappointing housemate. Susie skips off to join the queue of "brilliant housemates", such as Nikki and Grace who have come back tonight just for "the experience" and not for increased exposure whatsoever.

"Keep texting to vote who you want to go back in!" screams Davina, "The numbers are coming up now! This week's money is going to charity!" Wow! Charidee. Isn't that big of them?!

Maybe if millions and millions of us had known months ago that our next ten weeks of voting money was all to be for nothing, we could have put that cash to a worthy cause, too.

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Labels: Big Brother, Grace Dent, New Year, richard

To show Smithy!!

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Labels: smithy

Smithy's weekend

Anyone who's interested can read about my weekend here.

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Whatever happened to....

Superman 'sweet' cigarettes

There were other makes, but I miss these ones most - they were the most prevalent.

They were apparantly withdrawn after the heroic one claimed 'he never said yes to a cigarette'.

There were two types of chocolate cigarette as far as I remember - chocolate-centered, and ones with pink, sweet, chewy inner bits that looked like they were "lit" (unless you licked the "fire" off).

They came in american style "fag" packets more often as not, exactly ciggie size and shape, and were sometimes each covered with white rice paper.

I'd kill for a chocolate fag these days...

What other sweets are now confectionary history? What were your favourites?? Don't even get me started on Space Dust...

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Whaaaaa???

Attention Choirish people

If you have not already done so, check out SMITHY'S PICTURE PAGE of Oxford Trip.

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Labels: Oxford

Gordon's Slot

Our Gordon is today included in the Independent's article on British Celebrities invading America...

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Friday, August 04, 2006

Molly Malone!! Look at this!!

I think we should all go down to Dublin some time and eat HERE - what do you all think?

Look at the menu!!

WOW!!

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GORDON'S SLOT

Click Here to view a just published review of Gordon's new restaurant "La Noisette" in The Independant

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Cauterising and cutting back

I made a fairly clear decision earlier year - it was a decision I did not want to make but I made it because I believed I was doing the right thing.

It was unfortunately a decision to sacrifice an area of my life which was very dear to me in order to protect myself from the fact that this thing / relationship is not healthy. This is a device I have found can easily use if a person / place / relationship is going badly. I've been told that it's an adopted thing - that we find it as easy as falling off a log to abandon a close person or issue as self protection. Walls go up, ropes are cut and doors are shut. End of story.

I've done it before with people / situations / organisations and it has never been a problem for me before. Youth was on my side and I found it easy to do and extremely effective.

This time it is a problem and I need help. A glimmer of hope has surprisingly emerged and now I see that things are improving slightly in the relationship.

On one hand I could cut this area / person (I'm being deliberately vague) and there would be a degree of suffering all round (not me actually - I would be fine)

On the other hand I could "make a go" of it and potentially make it all work again for the sake of other people.

The odds are against me to make a permanent change and I think I would be just extending the time before another crash happens.

And I don't know what to do.

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Thursday, August 03, 2006

Freddy's first day in his new job

Was it like this Freddy?

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First day hell?

Freddy started his new job today!! Please leave encouraging messages for him in his new role at Vodafone.

Starting a new job can be really stressful, but it can also be the start of an exciting new phase in your life. Nobody likes being the new boy, but most things get easier if you stick them out. Here are some tips for our Fred!!

Bad attitude

If you automatically expect things to go badly, then they probably will. Being a bit more positive and open to new things puts your experiences in a different light. The unknown element can be scary, but it's exciting at the same time. Thinking friendly thoughts will make people see you as a friendly person, and they are more likely to respond well towards you.

Trust yourself

You wouldn't be the first person to think, "I'm not good enough", or "What if nobody likes me when I get there". Well, the employers wouldn't have wasted their precious time and money hiring you if they thought you were useless, would they? Of course you won't know how everything works right away, but you won't be expected to either.

The big day

Relax, smile at people, and try to remember their names. Don't be afraid to ask for help; it's better than making a big mistake. Find out where the canteen and the toilets are so you don't wander around looking lost. Remember that it takes time to get to know people and form friendships on a new job, so be patient. Be slightly wary of anybody who is all over you like an instant best mate; they often turn out to be the office gossip.

Serious problems

Most people end up wondering what they were worrying about at the end of their first day. On rare occasions, it can be more serious. If the working conditions are unsafe, or the job description was completely different, don't be scared to complain to the boss. Don't tolerate threatening remarks, racial abuse, or sexual harassment - it's not worth putting up with, and could harm your self-respect and your health in the long term. Speak to a senior person about your concerns. Remember, they offered you the job, but you choose whether you want to work for them or not.

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

St George's Oxford Trip Slideshow

I've made a slideshow of our Oxford trip which can be viewed HERE - Enjoy!!

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Labels: Oxford, photos

Sugar Baby Love

I found this video today and I think it's brilliant.

Labels: video

Oxford, Christchurch Cathedral and Magdalene College, 2006

SO here it is - our photos of Oxford are now up and online - Click the photo above to view them.

Smithy's photo's are also in there mixed in and if you were on the trip and want me to add in your photo's then e-mail me on the link below with them or maybe put them on a disc.

Perhaps someone could provide a bit of narrative about where we sang etc so people who don't know can read about our trip!

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Labels: Oxford, photos