Marcia Cross - naked.
I thought I'd put in one of those posts that increases traffic! Now bazillions of people will arrive here fresh from Google having typed in "
Marcia Cross naked" into their search engines.
But have you ever wanted to see a picture of
Marcia Cross naked?
Of course you have - let's face it, you'd probably look at a naked picture of even me if you found it on the internet wouldn't you, you filthy animal?
And if you'd do that then of course you're going to want to drool all over pictures of Marcia Cross naked if the chance ever arose. Well guess what? It has -
a removal firm is reportedly in possession of photos that show Marcia Cross nakedNow Marcia Cross is in a furious dash to block the release of her naked pictures before the sight of her exposed poo-narny or worse her bouncing boobees cause even one love bead to dribble out a single confused teenager with weird ginger middle-aged woman obsessions.
Prior to this story, Marcia Cross was only really famous for having red hair and being in Desperate Housewives, but this whole naked thing changes everything. Marcia Cross and her husband Tom Mahoney say that the photos are theirs and that they were thrown out by mistake and will sue anyone who even looks at them let alone gets themselves into a "solo situation" with them
Sadly it looks like you may never get a chance to see
Marcia Cross naked.
If only there was some way to use the internet to see pictures of other naked women, maybe you wouldn't feel so empty inside.....
© 2006 Fredordead
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Thank the lord for blessing me... PUKE.
There's no doubting that Ashley McKenzie has star quality - he looks cool, he refuses to follow the pack - he wears pearls around his neck and he has curly wurly sideshow bob hair.
However, unless there was a line in the song that Ashley sang on Saturday's X Factor that actually goes "um ber ber ber-ber ber,shit" it's pretty clear that Ashley was fairly unprepared for his "fabulous night for a moondance"
Luckily, ever the pro, Ashley skillfully drew attention away from his mistake by doing a little sex-dance and then proceeded to thank the Lord for blessing him.
That's when people stopped voting for Ashley, because boasting about being blessed when you have a shit haircut and a forgetful brain is something that gets right up the noses of Saturday teatime ITV viewers.
Labels: X Factor
All gone quietly pear-shaped
Sorry it's all gone a bit quiet in the last week - I have been off on holiday from work.
The main reason for my silence is that on Thursday, disaster in Titanic proportions struck me. My computer fried and would not start up again.
It was totally my own fault - I was tinkering around with things I know nothing about (my computer's registry) - I was using a program called REGISTRY SMART or something and suddenly "Poof" my computer went down, the awful blue screens started appearing and my computer packed it's bags and took a final trip to coventry and has stopped speaking to me.
After a lot of frantic attempts at various things, I realised that my only option was a complete reinstall of everything Windows meaning I've lost all my MP3 files!!
Now here is a tip. NEVER keep any files you care about in "My Documents" - I am told had they been in a normal directory I would still have them...
Worse than that my computer now "thinks" all my old "My documents" files are still there meaning that there is no room to put them all back on from my i-pod again. DISASTER!!
Just thought I would keep you all in the loop... If anyone has any advice for me please help!!
© 2006 Fredordead
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Vegetable News
The headmaster of Scotch College in Perth, Western Australia is set to meet the parents of some of the school's 15 to 17 year old students after a set of incidents involving alcohol, use of recreational drugs and the hire of a stripper, who used vegetables in her act.
© 2006 Smithy
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Fear of Fanny
Before Nigella and Jamie and the lovely Gordon Ramsay, before even Delia, there was only one TV chef - Fanny Craddock who, dressed like a drag queen and barking orders at her assistant-cum-husband Johnnie, terrified and delighted the nation in equal measure from the 1950s to the mid-70s.
She has proved quite a muse, having inspired a number of plays about her life, including "Doughnuts like Fanny's" aka "Fanny Cradock — The Life and Loves of a Kitchen Devil" and now there's "Fear of Fanny" showing on BBC4 on Monday, staring Julia Davis ("Nighty Night"). Have a look at the
BBC4 website for a couple of clips...
© 2006 Smithy
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It's all kicking off...
Sorry this is late - I had intended to talk about X factor before now but what with Smithy's party over the weekend I have not had time. But we really need to start getting hyped up about this programme as I believe it really has kicked off big time this year... up until Sat night it was a little stale - and suddenly "BAM" !! It got all exciting... or did it?
Remember before the live X Factor shows started, when there was a lot of talk about everything being completely different on X Factor this year? Well on Saturday night, everything was different. Everything!!!
And by 'everything' we mean that Lionel Richie showed his big smug face for about eight seconds and read out too much information from a card before being silenced by Kate...
Simon Cowell now has his shirt unbuttoned all the way to his belly button. Major, major changes. How are we expected to go back after that?
Robert Allen was first up. Faced with having to try and sell perhaps the most anonymous X Factor contestant in the show's history to an already-overloaded public, what did Sharon Osbourne do? She only stuck Robert Allen on first, where he'd be most likely to be forgotten. And - let's be fair - the world would be a better place if everyone forgot Robert's X Factor performance of All Night Long, which involved him screaming "Let's clap people, then, UH!" and "Woo, if you know it, sing!" like a Butlins redcoat. After the song, Robert Allen flitted backwards and forwards between hyperactive joy and hysterical weeping. Everyone said he was great marvellous super best thing since sliced bread. I'm going to wait and see....
Eton Road - I wish I had Louis Walsh's brain, because I'd love to know what he is now thinking about Eton Road. He didn't want them initially - but because he was conned by some production team with a pre-fab boy band, who had to be disqualified, all of a sudden ETON ROAD are now his great white hope. Eton Road sang My Girl on Saturday's X Factor, but they fell down when each member clearly started to try to out-sing everyone else in the group. Simon Cowell called Eton Road "odd," This means that when the lead singer sings, he takes on a posture like a 1950s cartoon housewife who's seen a mouse in her kitchen. He is fascinating though, and there is no doubt in my mind that ETON ROAD will change immeasurably over the next few weeks as Louis does a major revamp on them. Louis is counting on them now - the two scottish tall glasses of milk are not going to win it for them that's for sure.
Nikitta Angus - You'll know who Nikitta Angus is; she's one of the X Factor contestants with a "back story" - she has a dead Mum. As tragic as that undoubtedly is, mentioning it within seconds of her X Factor video intro did seem like she was over-egging things a little. I know that may offend some people but it is just the first case of "politics" and not the last. They are all seemingly anxious at this stage to sell their emotions as part of the game and it annoys me. More of this subject later. I suppose this is not new. Remember Andy "THE BIN MAN WITH YOUNG CHILDREN" from last year?? Admittedly, during her performance, Nikitta set this issue aside and looked like she was having the time of her life. Shame, then, that Nikitta sounded like a wasp in a wind tunnel all the way through her song. Which we can't even remember the name of. That doesn't exactly bode well for the future, does it?
Raymond Quinn - In an obvious attempt to pander to the droves of housewives who watch X Factor, Simon Cowell brylcreemed the life out of Raymond's hair and made him sing Ben, a weepy song about a dead rat. Unfortunately his vocals were simply all over the place. However, Simon Cowell said that Raymond is in possession of a little something called 'likability.' True - which is why he'll be in the last few in my view... unless he makes some major mistake like forgetting to smile which I don't think he will. Prepare for much footage of Raymond out playing football with his chums and family, visiting his granny and generally being a "likable" youth.
Ashley McKenzie - I think it will not be long before we see this chap doing a live cover of the Crazy Frog ringtone tune. Think about it - he looks exactly like the crazy frog. If you gave him one of those leather hats and put him on a motor bike he'd BE the crazy frog. However, despite his slightly kinky twin set and pearls, Ashley McKenzie made a fairly eventless standard run through, singing Easy Like Sunday Morning and "making it his own". By 'making it his own' I of course mean that Ashley sang "I'm izzy lakka sundiy morrrnan" instead of actual words that are in the English language. But - hey - it worked for him, so who are we to take the piss? His tuning was all over the place but no-one picked up on it because the judges don't seem to hear tuning problems (unless they are trying to tactically "comment" the other judges act out...)
Leona Lewis - Leona Lewis is a very good singer - she must be, because she does that annoying Mariah Carey 'aaaoooooh' thing at every single opportunity she gets. Since she was singing I'll Be There on Saturday's X Factor, that meant she could go 'aaaoooooh' about a thousand billion times. And do "Jazz Hands" a bunch of times. And then instantly burst into tears the moment it was over. Leona Lewis is obviously being set up as the winner of X Factor - Leonna is the subject of much Simon Cowell frothing. She's 'special' apparently, maybe even special enough to be allowed to release two singles after X Factor ends instead of just one.
Ben Mills - Imagine, if you will, that for one reason or another you're shitting out a rock-hard turd the size and shape of a rugby ball that's inexplicably been studded with shards of broken glass. Now imagine the sort of noise that'd come out of your mouth if you had to do this. Chances are it'd sound exactly like how Ben Mills sings - his X Factor performance of Tracks Of My Tears on Saturday consisted solely of him roaring like a lion with a van on its paw. To be fair to Ben, this approach won the X Factor judges over. They said he was like Rod Stewart. At least, we think that was a compliment… Next week is Rod Stewart week. Wouldn't it be funny if Rod Stewart (who I imagine is turning up) absoltely hated Ben??
So there you have it - the characters have been introduced to you - who do you all think will win this year? Who do you like? Who do you hate? Answers on a comment please...
Vote for Freddy every visit!! Click Here!!Email FredLabels: New Year, X Factor
Fancy a Zune?
also available in... what?... no you can't be serious!... yes, really... BROWN!!
Microsoft’s forthcoming digital music player, dubbed Zune, may make some Hebrew speakers gasp. The name for the device—which will take on the Apple iPod when released later this year—sounds like a vulgarity, specifically the “f” word, in Hebrew.
The tech industry continually creates goofy product names, exemplified by Yahoo and Google. But companies routinely hire branding consultancies to extensively research product names, including translations in other languages, says Steve Manning, managing director for Igor International in San Francisco, a branding agency. Nobody wants to make the mistake that Chevy did with its Nova automobile (No va, of course, made Spanish speakers think “no go.”)
Microsoft breaks the controversy down to pronunciation. “While we do acknowledge the similarity in pronunciation to Hebrew zi-yun, that is not the intended meaning of the name Zune,” according to a Microsoft statement. Bloggers have picked up on the difference—one humorously writing that if you say Zune to rhyme with iTunes, out pops the profanity.
© 2006
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Imagine if women ruled the world....
© 2006 Fredordead
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For Smithy....
The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
Vote for Freddy every visit!! Click Here!!Email FredLabels: New Year, smithy
Remember Gareth Gates??
Well of course you do - as well as being the runner-up in the first series of Pop Idol, Gareth Gates was also the subject of the joke about the boy who went to a shop for a Mars Bar and came out an hour later with 50 packs of M&Ms....
Most of us had happily filed Gareth Gates away in a drawer marked 'reality show hasbeens'.
BUT NO!!! - as the new Gareth Gates documentary series is hoping to prove.
Gareth Gates shot to fame in 2002 thanks to Pop Idol and Simon Cowell. He was the shiny faced, spiky-haired boy only able to conquer his stuttering by singing old Westlife songs. He had a great "back story" more of "back stories" to come here on Fredordead. "Back stories" are more important than talent on X factor / Pop idol / Celebrity Pet Jungle How Clean Is Your Bee Hive. Such was the power of little Gareth Gates' appeal that he almost won the first series of Pop Idol, and only failed to because of an organised protest vote for his fellow talented Pop Idol finalist Will Young (eh eh oooooow)
As "Pop Idol" runner-up, Gareth Gates got to sing Unchained Melody - and sell 1.3 million copies of the single - before slipping away into obscurity thanks to a succession of dreadful cover versions, badly thought-out second albums and all sorts of tabloid headlines about sleeping with pikey model Jordan.
Well, start forgetting that you ever forgot Gareth Gates - this time his comeback is real, and horribly ubiquitous-sounding.
See BBC News: Vote for Freddy every visit!! Click Here!!Email FredLabels: X Factor
Today's Terrible Joke
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God,"
said an elderly nun at the back.
"I'm so tired of chardonnay."
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Smithy's Party
It was Smithy's birthday party yesterday (sunday) held in the
Bokhara in Holywood. Andrew was 51 years old. Many happy returns!!
He got loads of presents but he still hasn't got his present from Fred and I - This is to follow as I ordered it from a website....
Anyhow I took some pictures for y'all:
Smithy with some rent boy we brought in as a birthday present....
Richard and Susie.... eating. Don't wait for us guys, we're all OK, you eat away!!
Philip looks alarmed when Freddy points out the hidden camera in Susie's cleavage...
Richard tries to see into Susie's brain but gets nowhere...
We found these two tramps on a park bench and thought they would make a great photo... Don't think they are quite the full shilling...
Jenny tries to battle her way through the "Land of Giant Glasses and Bottles"
Lovely weather for a picnic - don't you think?
No comment necessary on this one, Mr Hutton likes to call this his "I'm listening intently" expression
Susan and Richard suffer heartburn after wolfing their food down before everyone else!!
Two beautiful male models arrive to make a special presentation to the birthday boy...
Ahh - Young love!!
"Jenny I'm not drunk enough for these people!!"
Freddy : "Alan, thank God we have these hands to keep our faces from falling off!!"
Mr Hutton : "Speak for yourself Mark, I'm already off my face!!"
Labels: jenny, Mr Hutton, photos, richard, smithy, Susan
Cows' farting and burping must be brought under control because they're causing global warming problems, a climate change expert has warned.
Just one cow gives off enough harmful methane gas in a single day to fill around 400 litre bottles, which is really bad for the environment.
The gas goes up into the atmosphere and makes the hole in the ozone layer bigger, worsening global warming.
Dr Chris Jardine says the government must do more to halt the gassy problem.
And it's not just cows - sheep and goats also produce methane, which is 20 times more harmful to the environment than carbon dioxide.
Dr Jardine, from Oxford University, said that the government needs to give more help to farmers.
Cutting the gas would also be good news for farmers, because it's thought if the animals aren't burping and farting then they would be able to grow more quickly.
But the government says its plans include ways to help farmers protect the environment.
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There is a Green Hill
I'd like you all to get an exclusive
Click HERE for an exclusive recording of a new anthem, "There is a Green Hill" written by our very own Philip Stopford.
This recording was made in Clonard Monastry a few weeks ago at a live concert given by Cathedral Voices. It is your very own Freddy singing the solo....
Enjoy!!
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Richard's Joke of the day
An attractive blonde from Dublin arrived at the casino and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled,
"Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...
"YES YES, I WON, I WON!"
She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumb founded. Finally, one of them asked,
"What did she roll?"
The other answered,
"I don't know I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORYNot all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men,
are men.Vote for Freddy every visit!! Click Here!!Email FredLabels: Joke
24 fans (That's you Smithy)
Chad Lowe will join the cast of 24 next year, Fox has confirmed.
The ex-husband of Hilary Swank will play what the network as a "savvy politico" named Reed Pollock.
The cult favourite's sixth season opener will air on Fox
in a two-hour slot on January 14, 2007.Labels: smithy
Mr Hutton's Joke of the Day....
Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.
It's a beautiful day and love is in the air. Marie leans over to Pierre and says, "Pierre, kiss me!"
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
"What are you doing, Pierre?" says the startled Marie. "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"
She smiles and they start kissing. Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower." Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.
"Pierre!! What are you doing now?" asks the bewildered Marie. "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude, and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me much lower!"
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT THE F**K DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot!"
"If I go down, I go down in flames!" Vote for Freddy every visit!! Click Here!!Email FredLabels: Joke, Mr Hutton
Just happy being me...
Bored at work? Bored with just being yourself? Why not assign yourself a new identity at
this site. A world of fraud awaits you...
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The X Factor - "boot camp" rounds
The X Factor - "boot camp" rounds
As 180 acts are slashed to just 24 in The X Factor, Sharon Osbourne is being assisted in the over-25s group by vocal coach Mark Hudson; a man with a silly turquoise beard dressed like Bertie Bassett. (Mark's face-fungus anomaly is never explained.)
Sharon's boot camp is full of tear-jerking tales. There's "blown-up-by-a-bomb" woman and "my-mum's-dead-ill-and-I'm-her-carer" bloke. Next to them there's "I-broke-my-spine-but-watch-me-shimmy-to-Kylie" lady, and a scary Brummie woman who cries a lot as her poor kiddies have never experienced life "in a big house with electric gates".
"Doing it all for me kiddies" is a common X Factor drone. I wish people would just be honest and say: "I'm doing this cos of my pig-headed urge to stand on a raised platform and murder Show Me Heaven by Maria McKee in every enormodome in Britain on the X Factor tour. I've no idea how "me kiddies" fit into that.
Sharon's final eight include Katie, who we're reminded in tragic tones every five minutes has "worked at the same factory for 20 years" and Kerry,a chirpy, determined lady in a wheelchair whose main disability seems to be the producers playing Kate Bush's This Woman's Work mournfully in the background whenever she appears.
Simon Cowell, supervising the under-24s, puts through Shaun, a child who's never yet managed to sing a whole song without dissolving into terrified blubbing (and when he does squeeze out a line sounds like Orville after a heavy punishment beating by Cuddles).
Louis Walsh is mentoring the groups. He puts through my current top X Factor favourites: Scouse boyband Eaton Road (three camp boys in vests). Louis also puts through the Unconventionals, a seven-piece middle-England a cappella group, who bing and bong their way through Queen hits with ghoulish glee.
Obviously, none of this matters, as pretty boy Ashley with the long afro from Simon's group will win anyway. Bulletin over.
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Have you been watching the X Factor?
X Factor rejects Adam and Chrstian Neroni have been accused of issuing threats to show producers.
The twins auditioned as part of boyband The Brothers but ended up trying to impress Louis Walsh as a pair after falling out with bandmates Noel and Mark Agyei. Viewers saw Adam and Christian sent home last night during the boot camp stage, while their former friends made it to Walsh's final eight.
A source told The People: "The boys have been calling up and being really nasty. They have been saying things like, 'You want to watch your back' and 'You should be running scared' to the producers.
"It has been vile and offensive and they are just horrible people. They are arrogant and argumentative. We have never known anything like it on the show."
Defending his decision to send the boys home, Louis explained: "The Neroni twins showed a lack of commitment and their attitude was all wrong. They didn't have what it takes to make it in the music business - while the Aygei Brothers worked hard and showed they were determined."
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It's true - click here!!!For those who don't know Derek Acorah is the fat camp "psychic" who is the lynch-pin of a really crap programme on Living TV that my Freddy likes called "Most Haunted"Derek is the one who provides the plot / script exposition, going from darkened room to darkened room in some stately old building or church, and glugging on about a voice in his head telling him things about dead people and what they are telling him while the film crew gasp and hiss and jump at creaky floorboards and nearly shit themselves when the heating comes on on the automatic timer. He SEES dead people. Walking around like regular people. And these people have told him that a seriously fast buck can be made from scaring the bejesus out of people with a low production budget. The Blair Witch Project has a lot to answer for... Anyway Derek Acorah used to play for Glentoran apparantly which is a local football team here in Northern Ireland - now that I do know to be a fact. A voice in his head must have told him he was crap and that he should give up and become a TV Tosser....Labels: Northern Ireland
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